The Mathematics of Quantum Neutrino Fields; Tuesday, Period 4 [ 07/13 ].

[ivejustinvented.livejournal.com]

The crate, labeled with a black "Fragile" stamp and a "This Way Up" with an arrow that was clearly upside down, had arrived that morning, just in time for class, and so now it sat on Farnsworth's desk at the head of the class, looming ominously.



"Oh, poo," said Farnsworth, frowning as he looked over the room. "You're all still here probably." He'll have to try harder, next time, but luckily, he did have a lesson plan (mostly so he could present it as proof to anyone who signed his paychecks that he might possibly be doing this thing for realsies), so he was able to forge right ahead with it.

"Well, then, you, dark haired girl who could use more conditioner and should really avoid all those brownies when you have the munchies. You did such a good job handing out papers last week that I've decided your my teacher's assistant. I'd say you should thank me for padding up your college applications. I'm sure, if you do in fact go to college, that degree in psychology or creative writing will be very helpful in your future life."

"As promised, we'll be having a test today over the subject matter covered in class, so, TA, pass them out and collect the homework from last week, and we'll begin the first twenty minutes of class with the test." While he went over here and napped. When a timer went off to signal the end of the test, Professor Farnsworth jolted awake again with a, "Eh? Wha? Banana hammock!"

He looked around, realized that this teaching thing wasn't just a nightmare after all, and got up. "If you'll pass the tests forward, we'll get started on today's topic."

"Today's topic is dark matter. What is dark matter? Why does it matter? Dark matter, like your brains, is completely undetectable by emitted or scattered electromagnetic radiation, and it exists from gravitational effects on visible matter and background radiation. It exists probably as a discrepncy in measurements in the universe, although since 80% of the universe is dark matter, and 20% is all normal matter, I think it's probably the other way around, and you're all actually the discrepencies, and the missing mass in the universe."

He continued on, in what was mostly a jamble of information about dark matter that should be considered highly suspect, and is reduced to mere narrative because the mun is too scientifically inept to even feel right about abridging Wikipedia.

"Now meet Nibbler."

The Professor went to the box, hefting up a crowbar, and took to the task of opening the crate. On the one side, this was a process that was not easy for a man of Farnsworth's age and physique. On the other side, the effort was doing wonders in eating up class time. Finally, though, he managed, and all sides of the crate fell away to reveal a small black creature so ugly it was almost cute, in a diaper, yellow shoes, and a dashing cape.

"He craps dark matter. Every time this ugly little creature consumes food and digests it, he craps out dark matter, each pound of which weighs over ten thousand pounds, as much as a thousand suns, and yet it's probably as small as that guy's left testicle.

"I fed him a few hours again, so it should be any minute no--"

As if on cue, Nibbler's face started to scrunch up, a look of worry passed through his eyes, and then there was clearly some internal strain.

"We've got a live one!" said the Professor, who lifted Nibbler off the desk, setting him on the floor so that when the crap dropped, it didn't drop through the desk. A small, round black marble of a dropping then sat gleaming up at the class room.



"So, I want each and every one of you to take a moment to come up here and see what I mean about the weight of a thousand suns thing. You're to come up here and have a good look at this dark matter that was just excreted from this creature's bowels and try to pick it up. And then we're going to think about this for a minute. This dark matter came from the butt of a small, cross-eyed creature that smells faintly of wet dog. This irrefutably proves one thing about dark matter. What is it? We will have a discussion," the Professor gave a visceral shudder, "and, for next week, I'd like you to formulate a ten page research paper on this topic. You start us off. You look like you might have some real gems."


[[ please to be waiting for the OCD is now officially compensating for missing space! ]]

[[ Previous Classes ]]

Comments

Sign In -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[ivejustinvented.livejournal.com]

Darkly.

Re: Sign In -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[showmetheproof.livejournal.com]

Dana Scully

Take the Test -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[ivejustinvented.livejournal.com]

Absolutely none of the test has anything to do with what was discussed last week. Feel free to mod whatever is on the test, as long as it has nothing to do with what was discussed last week.

Re: Take the Test -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[showmetheproof.livejournal.com]

Scully's test asked her not only to solve Fermat's theorem from scratch, it asked for its applicability to rescuing four stranded astronauts in a rocket pod who had nothing but slide rulers. Also, if the Anti-kytheria device had been invented to get chicks.

1. Someone else already did this. Since I wouldn't want anyone to think I was plagiarizing, I have to plead no contest.

Advanced Dadaism might actually be helping in this course.

2. It's applicable to to the fact that no one wants to be in this position, but it's solvable if you have an infinite number of pencils to work it out with.

Which had the advantage of being true. If not the impossible math requested.

3. It was invented to get guys, actually. Hypatia of Alexandria, most likely.

And then they were back to unreconstructed silly.

Re: Take the Test -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[notmyownage]

There was only one question on Claudia's test: Explain the Unified Theory of Everything. Show your work.

Claudia spent the whole twenty minutes staring in vague horror at the question, before finally writing

÷ PIE ≠ ζε&xi

Followed by a stick figure with giant coke bottle glasses being eaten by a t-rex stepping on a butterfly.

Re: Take the Test -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[angelo_wings]

Rinoa had no idea what a Fibonacci prime was, much less how you could prove if there were infinitely many of them.

Her paper, therefore, was a tour de force of scribblings that covered prime numbers, prime rates, prime time, and how infinity was super-big so people shouldn't try to prove things about it anyway.

Maybe if she wrote enough, he would think she said something useful.

Re: Take the Test -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[bamf-tastic.livejournal.com]

Kurt got a series of math problems that were way beyond his ability to solve. The worst part was, all of them talked about "the number you will receive (http://www.arml.com/irml/relay_rounds.php)", and it didn't look like he was about to receive any numbers from anyone.

He just ended up making random guesses for all of them. It was better than leaving the paper blank, right?

Re: Take the Test -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

Bruce wasn't here last week, so he was completely unprepared for the test. Not that it would have made a difference, apparently.

Still, he did very well.

Re: Take the Test -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[she-sheds.livejournal.com]

Joolushko's test questions made no sense to her. That was fine. She'd just answer entirely in Interion script and then the professor wouldn't be able to understand her answers. For all he'd know, they might even be right.

Listen to the Lecture -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[ivejustinvented.livejournal.com]

Don't you just feel so much more enlightened on the matter of dark matter?

Re: Listen to the Lecture -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[showmetheproof.livejournal.com]

What? No, really. What?

Re: Listen to the Lecture -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[notavalleygirl.livejournal.com]

Oh, Kitty was staring. Staring. This had to be a joke, right? Right?

Re: Listen to the Lecture -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[weldedtomyspine]

Jaime took notes for a while, but after about the mid-point of the lecture he got tired of the Scarab's somewhat sarcastic commentary on the inaccuracies of the information provided.

And he already had a headache. Ugh.

Re: Listen to the Lecture -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[mathletenomore.livejournal.com]

Lindsay didn't even bother to take notes. She was too busy boggling.

Re: Listen to the Lecture -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[notmyownage]

Claudia . . . was expanding upon the themes of her doodle from her test.

Now the T-rex was stepping on a butterfly made of dark matter while eating the stick figure in coke bottle glasses.

Re: Listen to the Lecture -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[angelo_wings]

That -- sort of cute, in an "ugly-cute" kind of way -- creature had just crapped out something, and now, the teacher expected them to touch it.

This class sucked.

Re: Listen to the Lecture -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[bamf-tastic.livejournal.com]

Not even the three-eyed monkey could distract Kurt from the one and only part of the lecture he had understood, which didn't make any sense. "How can one pound weigh more than one pound?" he asked. "That doesn't make any sense!"

Re: Listen to the Lecture -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

So this was going to be a class that merely sounded challenging and was insane instead. Fantastic. At least it was helping Bruce get used to surprises.

Re: Listen to the Lecture -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[she-sheds.livejournal.com]

Joolushko wasn't feeling enlightened. She was feeling annoyed and somewhat disappointed that what she'd hoped might be a real and challenging class was instead...whatever it was that this was.

Pick Up Nibbler's Poop -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[ivejustinvented.livejournal.com]

Go on. Give it a try. Try to pick up the fresh, steaming pile of thousand pound dark matter. No one's leaving this classroom until everyone at least tries.

Re: Pick Up Nibbler's Poop -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[bamf-tastic.livejournal.com]

Kurt leaned over and grimaced at the turd. "Do we get tongs, or a shovel, or something?"

Discussion -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[ivejustinvented.livejournal.com]

The question: This dark matter came from the butt of a small, cross-eyed creature that smells faintly of wet dog. This irrefutably proves one thing about dark matter. What is it?

The answer: Probably wrong. Guess again, then kill yourself.

Re: Discussion -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[angelo_wings]

Rinoa had a guess.

"The universe has a sick sense of humor?"

Talk to the TA -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[ivejustinvented.livejournal.com]

Because we're all sure that she feels so honored and privledged by her new status in life.

Re: Talk to the TA -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[mathletenomore.livejournal.com]

Lindsay didn't feel honored at all. She was feeling quite self-conscious, though.

Talk to Farnsworth -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[ivejustinvented.livejournal.com]

You might just be able to catch him before he falls asleep again or packages Nibbler back up to send back to the thirty-first century before he eats all the island's teal deer.

OOC -- M.o.Q.N.F., 07/13.

[ivejustinvented.livejournal.com]

I'm at work so I couldn't upload a Nibbler icon. Woe.