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fandomhigh2010-07-08 08:44 am
ivejustinvented.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2010-07-08 08:44 am
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Inventing for Dummies; Sixth Period, Tuesday [ 07/08 ].
Two classes. Two! At least this one only had a handful of students in it, but that might possibly be more work for Farnsworth, as he couldn't just pawn them off on each other while he took a nap as easily. Still, the reaction of Tuesday's class had bolstered him with the courage that he could be equally cruel to this batch, so there was a smile on his face when the kids came in. A smile on his face, and a clicker for a projection slide machine in his hand.
"Everybody here?" asked Farnsworth after a good, long, awkward few minutes after everyone clearly was, where he said nothing and didn't even move, and might have been thought of being either asleep, wax, or even dead. " You are. Damn. Too bad. Let's get started, then, I suppose, before my heart stops beating again."
No introductions. No explanation of the class or what they were all doing here or anything like that. Just straight into the dimmed lights and the slide show.
"Inventing!" Farnsworth said. "They say any dummy can do it. We're here to prove that wrong, probably, considering the looks of this sorry class. But, to help steer you off the path of complete ass-hattery, let's take a long journey through some really terrible inventions that the world would have been far less interesting without. I like to start out with...."
CLICK! "Hydrogen blimps! Let's make something fly with things that blow up!" Let's forget that at least four of the Planet Express ships had been build similarly to help cut costs. "Which reminds me...."
Click! "The Ford Pinto!" Which also inspired a Planet Express ship design, hum hum. "Which in turn was used for the (CLICK!) Mizar flying car of the 1940s. Still, to this day, most flying cars on the market are pieces of junk, keeping up with the honored tradition."
Click! "Not all bad inventions stay bad. Some can improve with time. Take, for example Shirt in a Can. Terrible, just terrible, at first! But they improved it nicely. In fact, the underwear I am wearing today came from a can. Yes, yes, it still tingles quite a bit, but it's quite nice once you get over that initial burning."
Click! "And then many bad inventions spawn worse inventions. For example, it's a little known fact that the Segway was actually created to be a first step in the creation of wheeled androids, mostly through the fusion of the Segway onto the idiots who rode them."
Click! "And let's not forget clever marketing schemes! Like introducing New Coke as a way of coddling the masses into thinking real Coke was actually good."
"Oh. And the worst invention ever created." Click! The Printing Press. Curse you, Gutenberg, and your device to let the masses be educated and knowledgable."
Farnsworth shuddered. It should be noted that several flaps of skin kept shuddering even after he himself had stopped.
"And don't even get me started on..."
Click. Click. Click. Farnsworth continued dilegently on the long, long list of awful inventions, more than there could ever be links to gather for, clearly trying to get the most out of the hour of class that he had. On and on and on, and this time, he didn't even have a spot where he could fall asleep for a few minutes in the middle of it.
And finally, he seemed to be reaching something suggesting an end.
"But lucky you, you can hopefully avoid such travesties. Hopefully, your horrible inventions will be small beans compared to these whoppers. If anything, you're being taught by one of the greatest inventors of the thirty first century. After all, without me, the world would not have (click!)Fast Cars, (click!) Trendy Night Clubs, and (click!) beautiful women."
The last slide showed bright white, and the lights flickered back on.
"And there's the slide show. Expect a test next week, so I hope you took notes." Although he planned to have the test cover absolutely nothing that was covered today. "Oh, and there's one other thing. Now, what was it...?"
Tapping his fingers together, Professor Farnsworth was clearly trying to think of what it was. One minute went by. A second.
"Ah, yes," it finally came to him. "Get lost!"
[[please wait for the OCD is here! All links work safe, thank God. ]]
[[ Class Roster and Syllabus ]]
"Everybody here?" asked Farnsworth after a good, long, awkward few minutes after everyone clearly was, where he said nothing and didn't even move, and might have been thought of being either asleep, wax, or even dead. " You are. Damn. Too bad. Let's get started, then, I suppose, before my heart stops beating again."
No introductions. No explanation of the class or what they were all doing here or anything like that. Just straight into the dimmed lights and the slide show.
"Inventing!" Farnsworth said. "They say any dummy can do it. We're here to prove that wrong, probably, considering the looks of this sorry class. But, to help steer you off the path of complete ass-hattery, let's take a long journey through some really terrible inventions that the world would have been far less interesting without. I like to start out with...."
CLICK! "Hydrogen blimps! Let's make something fly with things that blow up!" Let's forget that at least four of the Planet Express ships had been build similarly to help cut costs. "Which reminds me...."
Click! "The Ford Pinto!" Which also inspired a Planet Express ship design, hum hum. "Which in turn was used for the (CLICK!) Mizar flying car of the 1940s. Still, to this day, most flying cars on the market are pieces of junk, keeping up with the honored tradition."
Click! "Not all bad inventions stay bad. Some can improve with time. Take, for example Shirt in a Can. Terrible, just terrible, at first! But they improved it nicely. In fact, the underwear I am wearing today came from a can. Yes, yes, it still tingles quite a bit, but it's quite nice once you get over that initial burning."
Click! "And then many bad inventions spawn worse inventions. For example, it's a little known fact that the Segway was actually created to be a first step in the creation of wheeled androids, mostly through the fusion of the Segway onto the idiots who rode them."
Click! "And let's not forget clever marketing schemes! Like introducing New Coke as a way of coddling the masses into thinking real Coke was actually good."
"Oh. And the worst invention ever created." Click! The Printing Press. Curse you, Gutenberg, and your device to let the masses be educated and knowledgable."
Farnsworth shuddered. It should be noted that several flaps of skin kept shuddering even after he himself had stopped.
"And don't even get me started on..."
Click. Click. Click. Farnsworth continued dilegently on the long, long list of awful inventions, more than there could ever be links to gather for, clearly trying to get the most out of the hour of class that he had. On and on and on, and this time, he didn't even have a spot where he could fall asleep for a few minutes in the middle of it.
And finally, he seemed to be reaching something suggesting an end.
"But lucky you, you can hopefully avoid such travesties. Hopefully, your horrible inventions will be small beans compared to these whoppers. If anything, you're being taught by one of the greatest inventors of the thirty first century. After all, without me, the world would not have (click!)Fast Cars, (click!) Trendy Night Clubs, and (click!) beautiful women."
The last slide showed bright white, and the lights flickered back on.
"And there's the slide show. Expect a test next week, so I hope you took notes." Although he planned to have the test cover absolutely nothing that was covered today. "Oh, and there's one other thing. Now, what was it...?"
Tapping his fingers together, Professor Farnsworth was clearly trying to think of what it was. One minute went by. A second.
"Ah, yes," it finally came to him. "Get lost!"
[[
[[ Class Roster and Syllabus ]]