fandomhigh | Applied Dadaism, Tuesday, Period 2

Artie seemed rather glad to be back out in the field in the preserve for class, today. He was bouncing cheerfully about the clearing as he waited for his fresh batch of students to arrive. Would they be vikings? Would they be pirates? Would they possibly even be . . . ninjas?

Would Artie call them all vikings anyway? Well, yes.

"Welcome, my new little vikings!" See? We told you. "I am Artie! The strongest man . . ." There was bouncing and a little bit of flailing then, as he shifted position from foot to foot and waved his arms in the air before settling into a heroic pose. ". . . In the world!" He stood up very straight. "And this is Applied Dadaism, the class where each of you will challenge your premisconceptives about proper behavior by challenging the rules of game play and so-called 'polite' society --" Yeah, he actually did air quotes on that, face screwing up sideways like he was a cartoon character. "-- and most importantly, you will have fun!"

Possibly whether you liked it or not. Artie was giving the students all the fish eye, as though looking for another Squall.

"If you're not here for Applied Dadaism . . . we're glad to have you here, anyway!"

He hopped a circle around the students then, looking jovially to the sky. "Here we will play games. We will ask questions. We will make other people ask questions, and perhaps even question why they're asking questions! This is your class! You will get from it what you like!"

He stopped in front of the students again, striking yet another pose. "But first! We must get to know each other. Tell us your name -- or nickname, or favorite type of gum, or anything you want us to call you -- and give us an interesting, ridiculous, absurd, and perhaps entirely untrue fact about yourself. For instance! The greatest foe I have ever done battle with was a bowling ball named . . . ROLLING THUNDER."

Once introductions were dispensed with, Artie stood proud in front of the students, his hands on his hips. "Let's play rock, paper, scissors. But remember, you need not play only rock, paper, or scissors. You can play whatever you think of! What beats what your partner throws? How do you make it with your hands? Have fun!"

[ooc: OCD ~~coming~~ is up. Woo!]

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Name and interesting, ridiculous, absurd, and perhaps entirely untrue fact about yourself.

"I am Delirium."

Did everyone thought her parents were hippies? Hm? Alright.

"And...eh, I'm the, um, personification of insanity." She even sounded a little shy. She wasn't entirely sure of why.

Artie gasped. "Interesting. Any particular type of insanity?"

"Nope. Insanity is, um, insanity." That wasn't clear at all. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall kinds." And she made an encompassing movement with her arms as she spoke.

"Oooooooooooo." Artie was clearly very impressed by this claim.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah"

Del realized the teacher was making her dangerously insane. She sort of loved how that felt.

Artie was looking quite pleased to have Delirium around, as well.

"THPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPT."

Artie was becoming her most favorite teacher ever, period.

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTP-P."

She almost ate her tongue there.

Artie applauded.

And Del bowed. She was going to love this class.

"Hi! My name's Zack!" And he was bouncing on his toes! Because bouncing was good for you, and he was kind of terrible at staying still for long periods of time and really, this didn't seem like the sort of class that he was supposed to stay still for too long in anyhow. "And I fight dragons back home from time to time!"

Real ones! Big ones! Very, very mean ones.

Artie was duly impressed. "What do you fight them with?"

He might be hoping for an answer like, say, "bananas".

"Mostly really, really big chunks of ice," Zack admitted, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "When you're fighting a dragon, you don't really want to get too close. I mean, I'm not small, not my any means, but I'm still bite-sized."

Alas, no bananas. Though that would have been pretty awesome!

"Death by beverage coolant!" Artie seemed to rather like that idea. Though perhaps not as much as if they were bananas. "Excellent, young viking!"

Zack took a moment to actually contemplate that. All of that.

"I'm a viking?" His little sister would so not care to learn that one. Not if it made her a viking by association. He just wouldn't pass on the news. "You know, you'd have to have a really, really big glass of lemonade to be able to fit a piece of that particular ice in."

Now he kind of wanted to see that, actually.

"A giant glass of lemonade is a pipe idea indeed! You should bring one in!"

Listening to Mister Artie's own introduction, Ariel couldn't help a pleased little applause. She had no idea what she'd been signing up for, but she was very pleased indeed.

Of course, since she couldn't speak, introductions were a little difficult but she had prepared a card, which she handed over to Mister Artie to read while she wrote down something for the interesting, ridiculous, absurd, and perhaps entirely untrue fact.

The card said: Hello! My name is Ariel, and I have no voice, so I can't introduce myself except by this card. But I am very happy to be here!!!! :D

And the next one said: I collect dinglehoppers! I don't think that's strange, but other people have told me it is. :\ (Dinglehoppers are sometimes called forks."

Sometimes.

Artie was more than happy to read the cards aloud for the whole class. "Dinglehoppers! A wonderful word! Much nicer than 'forks'. Welcome, Ariel!"

Scully was staring. This time she'd signed up for her own classes, so there was no way the Gunmen had done this to her. Unless they'd hacked the school's files.

"Uh. Dana Scully. I like to be called Scully." She looked around feeling more than a little ridiculous. "Wintergreen gum. And...." I'm actually thirty-five years old. Naaah. Scully bit her lip, then said carefully, "I can eat a cricket, whole, if you want to see that."

Edited 2010-07-06 23:27 (UTC)

Artie's lips formed an exaggerated O shape. "Yes, let's see!"

He was at times the personal superhero of small boys, after all.

"Right now?" Scully looked around for a bug, and wondered how she'd gotten into this. Oh yes, trying to avoid saying something truthful. "...not a ladybug, those help plants... ants are easy..." Really. Chocolate or peanut-butter covered? "... how about a spider?"

"Even better!" After all, spiders had even more legs, which made them grosser.

"Okaaaaaaay." Scully wished Mulder were here to be grossed out by this. But. There was the spider. Small, common, grass spider.

And there was Scully. Eating it. (http://www.actionintl.org/uploads/eat%20spider1.jpg)

"...bleeeeeahh."

Artie struck a triumphant pose! "Scully the Spider-Eater!" he declared. "Welcome to class!"

"...thank you." Scully made a note to bring mouthwash to class next time, just in case.

"My name is Peter Bishop," he said. "And I'm an ordained minister of the church of Subgenius."

He wasn't. But this was his version of silly, for right now.

Artie gave an exaggerated bow. "Your Holiness!"

Applied Dadaism, Tuesday, Period 2

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