fandomhigh | Horror 101, Monday

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horror 101

Horror 101, Monday

"I'm not going to show you any films this week," Mitchell announced, a little wary, but still full of that pumped-up, somewhat faked enthusiasm he'd started on last Thursday. "Sorry for missing out on class last week. I had to help a friend move flats." He clapped his hands once. "There's food, if anyone wants it, and coffee - just take whatever you'd like. I got that," point at the cake, "From JGoB's. There's plenty more where it came from."

He leaned back. "We've had a weekend," he started, which was enough to darken his mood back down to Earth a little. "Now normally I'd be going into some genre or monster, but I think you've all suffered enough horror. That is one of the bases of it, not just the films or the books but the reality of it. Losing yourself, losing track of where you stand, losing your boundaries. The fringes are terrifying, and many of you were tipped over these past few days."

He rubbed at his fingers. "The search for what we are, for what humanity is, is one of the primal forces in fiction, in fear. We try to wrap our minds around all the things humanity can do, the horrors that are worse than any monster could dream up, the triumphs better than anyone could aspire to from the shadows. But first we have to define what it is we are, who we are. Which one of you already knows? Who here has a sense of identity strong enough to shake off the intrusion of another?"

He surveyed the class thoughtfully. "Because trust me, you can throw away lifetimes trying to figure out who you are, what the essence is of what you can do and what you want to be. Maybe right now you're frightened. Maybe you're in denial. Maybe you're having trouble adjusting to the realities around you." Not that his eyes went looking for Kate, or anything. "All of this is human. Even if you made it through the fire and shrugged it off like it was nothing. Does it belong to you? Do you own it? And who do you need to sustain it? People are always looking for a tribe, it's what keeps them from spinning off into the dark. Have you found it?"

Finally, he leaned back. "You can't really start to live until you know who you are," he said. "See this weekend as a test, if you have to see it at all. You lived through that brand of horror and came out on the other end. How do you define yourself now?"

There wasn't any further lecture incoming. That, it would seem, was that.

[[ and have at ]]

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Kate didn't particularly feel like talking about the weekend in class. She also didn't particularly feel like talking to Mitchell, either, but...

"So did you ever find your hat?"

... Yeah. She couldn't help wanting to check up on him. Without seeming too friendly.

"I think it was a lost cause," said Mitchell, who was mostly making a good bid at not flinching too much. "Sorry about that."

Cowed by a teenage girl. How the mighty had fallen.

"Mmm. You didn't do anything too dumb, did you?" Besides the leering.

Look at how nice she was being by not mentioning the leering.

"I got very drunk and slept on a ship." Beat. "And I think I sharpened a pencil, but that's the extent of my crimes."

Kate pursed her lips for a moment before saying simply, "Good."

And then she didn't really have anything to add to that, so she turned to leave. "See ya."

Oh, brilliant.

He smacked himself internally. Don't be an idiot, now, Mitchell. "Kate?"

She stopped, then looked at him over her shoulder. Raising an eyebrow but keeping everything else, every last hint of emotion, off her face.

What did he have to say?

"I'm sorry."

What did you say in the wake of a Saturday like that, exactly?

"Which I know is trite, and I understand if you don't want to talk to me again," he said, "But if you ever do or you need some-- help, or something, you know where to find me."

Teenage girls. Next time Mitchell decided to rejoin humanity, he should pick an easier demographic to deal with and work his way up.

Edited 2010-03-08 12:37 (UTC)

She didn't want to do this now. Didn't want to deal with the tangled mess welling up inside, didn't want to let any of that show, not after a weekend of friends acting like multiples and Bobby having the wrong face and Alice creeping her the fuck out and--

Her voice sounded weaker than she would've liked it to. "You didn't tell me."

From the mess inside, the most crucial thing slipped out.

"I haven't told anyone of my free will here," he started. "You shouldn't have to deal with that."

And he didn't want to deal with anyone dealing about it. But. Yeah. Mitchell ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "Listen, I'm sorry, I just didn't want you to get involved."

She turned around to face him properly, crossing her arms over her chest, shoulders tensing up.

"And that worked really well," she said, her tone mocking in a rather bitter way. "God, I'm so fucking tired of people trying to protect me by lying to me."

"Jesus christ, Kate," Mitchell snapped back. "That world is not nice. In that world, I am not nice. I came here to rejoin humanity, not drag the rest of you back in with me. I'm sorry you had to see that, I really am, but for God's sake-- With that whole mess last summer, with your mother, if you were in my shoes, would you really think it a good idea to tell you?"

He had a point. A very good point, in fact.

It was going to get firmly ignored.

"I've been living on this piece of shit island for over eight months. I have a fucking gremlin's teeth marks on my arm. Last night, my, my--" Oh what the hell was Alice to her, anyway? "This chick, came to my room, told me it was all wrong that I was breathing, and that she could make me remember like, the night or whatever, and she wanted me to go hunt and play with her, and I seriously doubt she was talking about Monopoly."

She paused just long enough for a quick intake of air, then hissed, "Fandom isn't nice, Mitchell."

Edited 2010-03-08 17:04 (UTC)

"You want nice, Kate?" he asked, angling his head at her in a way that, while human, hinted at something darker that wasn't, quite. "You've gone through all that and you're still alive, you're waking up to a new day where your friends are fine again, everything gets wiped back to normal. That's fucking kind in comparison."

Kate... tried very hard not to flinch. She succeeded, for the most part.

She had enough anger to keep her going. "What, am I supposed to feel sorry for you now, is that it?"

"No, but maybe you should decide whether you want to weapon yourself and barge into this nightmare or stick to a distance so you won't lose your mind like you're so afraid of," Mitchell replied. There was something barely restrained in his voice. "There are some things only the dead should know, Kate. I'd rather you don't."

Edited 2010-03-08 17:44 (UTC)

This feeling of getting slapped by mere words was becoming a little too familiar. It seemed to be what you got for trusting people with your darker thoughts.

"I already barged into it. If I'd have had the slightest fucking idea of what I was getting myself into, I wouldn't have." Not necessarily true. "It's not like I'm looking to just jump into your fucking world. Jesus fucking Christ, Mitchell, I'm not that stupid."

If Kate had a problem being confronted by her own hypocrisy, maybe she shouldn't go shoving it into other people's faces. "Then why would you have wanted me to tell you?" he asked, getting up. "Trust me, if I'd known you were coming for me I would have phoned."

She gave him a look that questioned his intelligence. Same one she'd gotten from Jack last time they talked, pretty much.

"If you'd have told me, I wouldn't have come for you." Probably.

"That hardly stopped George," he pointed out, "And it doesn't take away that you didn't want to know."

"I'm not George! And I didn't know there was anything to know, so don't you dare try to make it sound like this was my choice."

"No, it was my choice not to tell you, and you know what?" Mitchell asked, "I still wouldn't have if you hadn't wandered off into the middle of it!"

Yeah, okay, maybe losing his shit a little now.

"If you want an apology for dragging you into it, you can have it, Kate," he said, running his hand through his hair in frustration. Again. "But I'm not apologizing for keeping my mouth shut about something you never should have known."

"I don't want your apologies."

She had no fucking clue as to what it was she did want.

She drew in a deep breath, then let it out, glaring at him. "Anyway, it's too late. I know now."

"Yeah," Mitchell said, meeting her gaze for a few seconds before looking towards the ground by her fee-- well, behind her. "You know now."

Not that he could see it, but the glare softened, disappeared, and then Kate, too, was looking away. Biting on the inside of her lip without even realizing it.

There was a silent 'so, what now?' hanging in the air.

She had no answer to it.

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