fandomhigh | Humorous History: Friday, Period 1, Class 7

"Welcome back, everyone," Jim said when class started. "We're at the point in the semester where the syllabus I put together is really more of a guideline. But since I forgot to plan for a break week and I've really wanted to talk about this topic for a while, let's just skip straight to Andrew Jackson."

"Jackson was the seventh President of the United States and he was a pretty polarizing figure. And when I say that, I mean he was a jerk. He had a policy of 'Indian removal,' where he had Native Americans sell their lands for pretty much nothing before sending them out west. Many people thought he was just shy of being a tyrant. And I think nothing really says how strongly people reacted to him better than the fact that he was the first sitting President to have an assassin make an attempt on his life. But he's also the only President ever to beat his would-be assassin with a cane, which brings us to our point for today; Andrew Jackson was homicidally insane."

"Case in point, he participated in a whole lot of duels. Most historians say it was thirteen duels, which is a crazy number of times to meet up with some other guy and shoot at each other. Other sources put it at over a hundred because, really, what's another eighty-seven after you've survived the first thirteen? But this one time, he killed a guy by shooting him in the junk."

"That happened before Jackson was President when this guy, Charles Dickinson, insulted Jackson's wife - who, by the way, he married after breaking up her previous marriage. Jackson responded by challenging Dickinson to a duel. But Dickinson was known as a really good shot on the draw, so Jackson decided to just let Dickinson fire first. Dickinson drew, shot Jackson in the chest - so close to his heart that it was too dangerous to have the bullets surgically removed, so they stayed there until he died many years later - and then got to watch as Jackson drew his gun and took careful aim."

"By the rules of dueling, once the duel starts you have to stand there and take whatever happens. Dickinson decided to run away because there was an apparently unstoppable killing machine aiming a weapon at him, but he was caught and brought back to be shot. Once everyone was ready again, Jackson lowered his aim and shot Dickinson in the crotch."

"Okay, Dickinson died from the wound, so it's probably more likely that he was shot in the gut where fatal damage could be done. But the future President killing a guy by shooting him in the crotch is a lot funnier, and that's why it's the version remembered by history and taught in this class."

"So," Jim said, reaching under his desk and pulling out several Super Soaker Vaporizer pistols with fully loaded water reservoirs. "I know this is Homecoming weekend and you might not want to do any homework, but if you want to get a small feel for what it was like to be Andrew Jackson, feel free to take one of these water guns. And if anyone insults your honor, go ahead and challenge them to a duel. And then go ahead and report back next week on what you did with them."

***

"I'm giving teenagers water guns hours before a dance, where you never know what kind of drama might pop up. And I won't be chaperoning the dance because I have the radio broadcast tonight. So, no, I don't see how this could go poorly at all."

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Tara wrinkled her nose. "I can't do that on a dance day," she said.

Edited 2009-10-23 18:28 (UTC)

Priestly dipped his head in a half-nod/half-bow. "Your sacrifice for the sake of dance-goers is noble."

"I do my best," Tara said, with a mock sigh.

"See, I'd guess that about you." Priestly rested his chin on his elbows on the desk. "You going to the dance, tonight?"

"See, I wasn't going to?" Tara said earnestly. "But this girl, this Emma girl, sent around an email kind of ordering a b-bunch of my friends to come. So I got a dress and everything."

"Are you?"

Priestly shrugged. "Wasn't planning on it, either. But my best friend is nominated for the Homecoming court."

"I think I'm on that list too," Tara said thoughtfully. Being on the list was weird enough; she had absolutely no delusions that she would win. "F-for the sophomores, I mean. Who's your friend?"

"Dinah Lance. Senior class." Priestly shrugged. "And, uh, maybe there's a guy or two I'm hoping doesn't win. Good luck to you for the sophomores, though. That's awesome."

"Yeah, it's not like there are a lot of us, but, uh -- thanks," Tara said. "I think Blysse will win. Or Gabrielle. I don't really know her, but she's pretty."

"You're not exactly bad looking yourself, you know."

"Oh ... uh .... thanks. Again." Tara never knew what to do with compliments. "Neither are you."

Edited 2009-10-24 01:33 (UTC)

Priestly tipped his head slightly. "Thanks," he said back. "You don't think the hair's too much?"

He still worried, sometimes, that people would just judge him by the 'hawk.

"It makes a statement," Tara decided, after careful consideration. "B-but you want it to, right?"

Priestly nodded a bit too vigorously. "Just not the statement of 'I like to scare people'."

Tara shook her head. "You're way too nice a guy to seem scary."

[OOC: Night!]

Priestly actually blushed a little at that. "Uh, thanks. I try."

Humorous History: Friday, Period 1, Class 7

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