fandomhigh | a guide to getting past life's little quirks | wednesday | period 2

The class was being held in an actual classroom today just as a precautionary measure. After all, if people got into the lesson, he didn't need wanderers by wondering what the hell he was teaching the kids. Hence, the classroom.

"Welcome back," he said cheerfully which should give a sign that the lesson was something Loki really liked. "I wasn't sure how many of you would survive the first week so I'm glad to see most of you did. Today, we're going to talk about swearing."

Oh yes, swearing. Something Loki loved to do.

"Now, if you don't know what swearing is, then I fucking feel sorry for you. Swearing's defined as using profane oaths or language. That's a fancy fucking way of saying using bad words. And now, you may be asking yourself what the fuck this has to do with life. Easy, swearing comes in handy in a a lot of situations. Someone cuts you on on the road? Swear at them. Papercut? I know I want to fucking swear up a storm when that happens. Argument? Look, you're not going to get as much reaction if you sit there and use proper language. Fucking trust me."

He had a lot of experience with swearing and argument but not so much papercuts. He still knew they hurt like a bitch.

"Now, I'll admit to not knowing a lot of other world swear words but hey, that's what this class is for. Swear words in other languages, in other cultures are just as good as what I use. As long as you're swearing, you're getting the point across. If you're someone who doesn't swear, well, today's activity might be hard for you but we'll see how you do."

He didn't hold out a lot of hope.

"There's no real technique to swearing either," he explained. "You can't sound like you don't mean it and you certainly have to know what the fuck you're saying before you say it. You start busting out with words that don't fit the situation, it won't have any affect. Some people like to use swear words sparsely, peppering them in for maximum surprise. Some people--" Like him, "--like to throw swear words in all the time. It's a matter of finding what works for you and what you like. It's an art, really."

It kind of wasn't.

"Today's lesson is easy," he said. "Get into groups and talk about how you swear. Swear at each other some, get acquainted with other languages and then either you pick a spokesperson from your group or you can do it individually and you come and swear at me. You get one sentence and it has to be clear and understandable. Now, if you don't like to swear, that's fine. You'd better have some fierce non swear words to say to me, then. We'll see how you do."

With that, he nodded at the class to get to work. He just hoped people had as much fun cursing as he did.

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Come swear at Loki! You get one sentence to impress him! No prizes awarded unfortunately, unless you manage to make him blush (and that will be SUPREMELY difficult).

Agnes stomped up to Loki and cocked her head at him. Loudly and clearly, without any hint of the profound embarrassment she was feeling, she demanded "Why the FUCK do you swear so fucking much???"

"I have to have a fucking reason?" Loki asked, amused.

"Apparently not, but OTHER people usually do," Agnes answered. "...Shitfucker."

"Nice addition," he complimented with a small laugh. "Other people aren't fucking me so I don't need a reason."

Agnes was quickly turning pink, but she still managed a straight face and a twinkle in her eye. "Maybe they're not fucking you because you swear too damn much," she suggested.

"Points for that one," he said because it wasn't a bad use of his words. "No blushing but good start."

Agnes frowned. "I'm blushing? Oh, poot! I was trying hard not to!"

"No, I'm not blushing but you are yeah," he said and laughed. "It's okay, you'll build a tolerance."

"Not very likely, but I'm working on it," she replied.

Elena sauntered up to Loki. "Last night, I saw your two-gil whore of a mother, peddling her crusty ass at the corner to all the rest of the fucking junkies so they'd give her some blow, and she said to tell you that you're a no-good cum-sucking peckerless little donkey-fucker."

She was only allowed one sentence, but she couldn't help tacking on, "Her rash looked like it was clearing up, though."

Well, that was fucking impressive. He didn't blush but he damn sure raised his eyebrows.

"If I was anyone else, I'd think I'd have turned into fucking dust from embarrassment," he said. "Nice mouth there. I apparently made a damn good choice when I picked you for the TA position."

"Thank you," she said cheerfully. "I learned from the best. By which I mean, I have friends that swear like it's their fuckin' job."

"It's good to know that there's still people like that out there," Loki said, grinning. "I feel a sort of kinship with those people. Good to know that not every fucking place is trying to be politically correct."

"It's ridiculous, how squeamish some people are," Elena said. "A guy will sucker-punch you right in the kidneys, but he wouldn't call your mother a syphilitic toothless whore. They're words."

"Apparently they last longer than a kidney punch?" Loki suggested, shaking his head. "Whatever the fucking reason, it's stupid."

This wasn't sitting well with Edmund. Swearing seemed so crude, so crass when there were other ways of insulting someone properly. Still, he knew from last week that he wasn't going to get out of this, so he went for something that fit the bill yet wouldn't make him blush.

"You unprintable son of a censored!"

a guide to getting past life's little quirks | wednesday | period 2 | july 15

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