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fandomhigh2009-06-10 10:22 am
uptheziggurat.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2009-06-10 10:22 am
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Seven Secrets to Success - Period Five - Wednesday, 6/10
Much to the disappointment of his class, it was regular old dead-as-a-doornail Rimmer who was at the head of the class today. He looked troubled, more than usual, and he eyed the class with suspicion as they came in and sat at their desks.
"Today's class," he said with a lift of his head, unwilling to admit that he was reasonably sure they were going to want that smeghead in bacofoil back over him, "is as the syllabus says: Weasel cunning vs Being a Smeghead. If you hadn't figured it out already, the question posed is how far is too far? Where does ambition stop and pure wrongheaded bastardliness begin?"
He paced in front of them, as much from nervousness as because he thought it was a teacherly thing to do.
"That is a question each of you will face in your path to success. When does it go from stomping on a few fat, stupid heads to get what you need to being a truly disgusting display of smegheadedness?"
He paused at the front of the class.
"The answer, cadets, is very simple. It's when the idea of looking at yourself afterwards, or, in the more unlikely case where you can look at a future version of yourself that for some reason has decided yellow is his color, is utterly repulsive. A bit of weasel cunning should make you feel like you're on top of the world. If the idea makes you feel like the slime under an androgynous pleasure GELF, no amount of cunning is worth it.
"That's why today, I'm going to make that response easier for you. I have three 'situations' set up which will test your cunning... and your smegheadedness. Two answers are stupid, one is appropriate, and one will result in a quantity of slime falling atop your head."
Because if he was going to be tortured by this class, then by God, so would they.
"If you have any questions, stuff them."
[ocd up!]
"Today's class," he said with a lift of his head, unwilling to admit that he was reasonably sure they were going to want that smeghead in bacofoil back over him, "is as the syllabus says: Weasel cunning vs Being a Smeghead. If you hadn't figured it out already, the question posed is how far is too far? Where does ambition stop and pure wrongheaded bastardliness begin?"
He paced in front of them, as much from nervousness as because he thought it was a teacherly thing to do.
"That is a question each of you will face in your path to success. When does it go from stomping on a few fat, stupid heads to get what you need to being a truly disgusting display of smegheadedness?"
He paused at the front of the class.
"The answer, cadets, is very simple. It's when the idea of looking at yourself afterwards, or, in the more unlikely case where you can look at a future version of yourself that for some reason has decided yellow is his color, is utterly repulsive. A bit of weasel cunning should make you feel like you're on top of the world. If the idea makes you feel like the slime under an androgynous pleasure GELF, no amount of cunning is worth it.
"That's why today, I'm going to make that response easier for you. I have three 'situations' set up which will test your cunning... and your smegheadedness. Two answers are stupid, one is appropriate, and one will result in a quantity of slime falling atop your head."
Because if he was going to be tortured by this class, then by God, so would they.
"If you have any questions, stuff them."
[ocd up!]
Question 1
1. Eat the cup noodle and hope the rest of the crew finds you.
2. Eat the dog food and hope the rest of the crew finds you.
3. Eat what you need to but burn the guitar you regularly torture to keep from freezing to death.
4. Eat what you need and slice out a guitar-sized portion of your bunkmate's priceless heirloom trunk to burn instead while pretending that you've actually sacrificed for yourself.
[four will get you slimed]
Re: Question 1
Re: Question 1