Journalism: Thursday, Period 4, Class 2

[trustshisbarber.livejournal.com]

"Sit down, shut up, you're all already three minutes late for class," Jonah said. The bell rang. "Remember, if you want to make it as a journalist, you have to be where the story is before everyone else. If you just showed up right when the bell rings, you've lost your scoop to some geek who can't write half as well as you just because he knows what an alarm clock is. That's today's first lesson, check your syllabus if you don't believe me."

Jonah had never passed out a syllabus.

"Today's second lesson involves writing a fantastic headline. Not a good headline, not a great headline. If you don't have a fantastic headline, you've got crap. Not just crap, but megacrap. Megacrap doesn't sell newspapers. There's already a shrinking market for newspapers, you don't want to make it worse by putting megacrap on your front page."

"If you want a fantastic headline, there are three surefire paths. There are other paths, too, but you risk it being ultracrap and you really don't want that because that'll make me yell at you after class. Neither of us wants that." Jonah paused thoughtfully. Then he grinned. "Well, I do. But that's because I enjoy yelling at people. It makes life more fun."

"The first path is alliteration. 'Notable Newsman Nutures Knowledge in Novices.' You'd all read that article. It would be about me and if you didn't, I'd flunk you. The second path is making headlines that fit with the song Camptown Races. Write a headline with seven syllables, mentally add 'Doo Dah' to the end, and you've got gold. 'Students Learn from Bugle Head.' Go ahead. Add 'doo dah' in your heads. Don't pretend that you don't know the song, it's a classic.... That's better. 'Jameson For Radio.'" Jonah waited until he was sure the students were mentally doo dahing. "Those are headlines that get stuck in people's heads, then they have no choice but to read the article or it'll just roll around in their head all day, driving them insane, slowly but surely, and that'll make it easier to catch them tomorrow."

"But the third path is my favorite. BE BOLD. 'VICE PRINCIPAL DEADPOOL: METH ADDICT?' That catches your attention and makes you read the article because it turns out that your vice principal may be a meth addict. Is he or isn't he? The answer is 'he is,' of course. Why else would he wear that ridiculous knock-off costume and act the way he does? There is no other reason. Therefore, meth addict."

"So, get to work making up four headlines, one from each of those paths and a fourth that has nothing to do with those paths but that you still think is good. You're going to be wrong, of course. Questions? No? Good. Get to work!"

[OOC: Doo dah, doo dah. Deadpool's meth addiction modded with permission.]

Comments

Sign In [Class 2]

[trustshisbarber.livejournal.com]

With your most creative icon!

Re: Sign In [Class 2]

[not-a-mused.livejournal.com]

Cal Stephanides

Re: Sign In [Class 2]

[notthehulk.livejournal.com]

Teddy Altman

Re: Sign In [Class 2]

[sonofmogh.livejournal.com]

Worf

Take Notes [Class 2]

[trustshisbarber.livejournal.com]

Pay careful attention to everything Jonah says.

Or ignore him, pass notes, and talk. If you talk, Jonah will interrupt you, of course.

Re: Take Notes [Class 2]

[not-a-mused.livejournal.com]

Cal thought about taking notes. He may have even jotted down a few. But, after not too long, he just scratched an itch at his eyebrow with his finger a moment and then just decided to sit back and enjoy the entertainment. This guy was nutso.

Re: Take Notes [Class 2]

[swipedthatfoot.livejournal.com]

Claire listened skeptically, annoyed that it all seemed to be about selling papers.

Re: Take Notes [Class 2]

[minnesota-teen.livejournal.com]

Amber listened and took notes.

Re: Take Notes [Class 2]

[spiritandsword]

Annja was writing all of this down and figured that she could use it to torture her director.

Re: Take Notes [Class 2]

[death-of-hope.livejournal.com]

Anemone really had no clue what he was talking about, but she tried to take diligent notes anyway.

Some of the notes had tiny cartoon-Jonahs yelling 'doo-dah' and waving their arms, but it was still notes.

Re: Take Notes [Class 2]

[the_merriest]

Rikku was now humming "Camptown Races" under her breath and bouncing.

Re: Take Notes [Class 2]

[robinthefrog.livejournal.com]

Robin frowned as best a Muppet could. Wasn't that last one what Uncle Kermit called a tabloid? Profiting off lying about other people? He said those papers weren't real newspapers.

Re: Take Notes [Class 2]

[iruinenglish.livejournal.com]

God, Buffy couldn't take her eyes off the hair. Had it moved since last week?

Discussion [Class 2]

[trustshisbarber.livejournal.com]

Pair up or go solo. Come up with four headlines: one alliterative, one with seven syllables that sounds good with "doo dah" after it, one that's just plain bold, and one that's megacrap because you thought you'd be a hero and ignore Jonah's suggestions.

Possibly prepare to be told that you'll never be able to write a half-way decent headline, let alone a whole article.

Re: Discussion [Class 2]

[swipedthatfoot.livejournal.com]

Claire was ready to work on this, and was wondering if "journalism" was really too long a word to work into a headline.

Re: Discussion [Class 2]

[gameknowsgame.livejournal.com]

Blair mulled it over, then wrote her headlines:

Malevolent Machines Menace Multitudes

Students Cry Out For Caffiene

DEADPOOL DENIES ADDICTION

Vice Principal: Secret Porn Star?

Re: Discussion [Class 2]

[the_merriest]

Hmmm. Rikku bounced in her seat for a bit before coming up with:

Deadpool Deals with Dangerous Dodecahedrons

Expired Luncheon Meats Kill Four (doo dah, doo dah)

VICE PRINCIPAL: ACCEPTING BRIBES FOR GRADES?

The Key to Personal Success, In Four Easy Steps

Hopefully, Deadpool wouldn't mind the slander. She was his minion, after all.

Re: Discussion [Class 2]

[robinthefrog.livejournal.com]

Fuzzy Frog Finds Fandom

Fandom High Attracts All Kinds

TABLOIDS: NEWSPAPERS OR HATEFUL LIES?

Fandom High: Don't Panic, It's All Real

Talk to the TA [Class 2]

[trustshisbarber.livejournal.com]

After she pings in and she better have brought coffee for Jonah!

Re: Talk to the TA [Class 2]

[the_merriest]

Rikku totally had coffee. Two cups of it, one for her, and one for Jonah.

Hers might have been a caramel mochaccino. This would be why the lids were very clearly marked.

"So!" she chirped. "What if you aren't selling the paper to start? I mean, I think we give away the Hightimes."

Talk to Jonah [Class 2]

[trustshisbarber.livejournal.com]

Because you haven't had enough of him yet.

Re: Talk to Jonah [Class 2]

[sonofmogh.livejournal.com]

Worf approached his teacher with a scowl. "I have not heard of these camp town races. Who is racing? What do ladies have to do with it?"

OOC [Class 2]

[trustshisbarber.livejournal.com]

I planned on just linking to the classic Brunching Shuttlecocks (http://www.brunching.com/camptownraces.html) bit that inspired me here, but them I found a video of Johnny Cash singing Camptown Races (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noYptXPHiAE).

SERIOUSLY.

Re: OOC [Class 2]

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

I AM NOT A METH ADDICT.

Re: OOC [Class 2]

[likes-chicken.livejournal.com]

Seriously, your J Jonah is freaking awesome.