fandomhigh | Food Appreciation [Class One, Period #3]

When the students came into the classroom today they would notice that it was set up like a usual classroom except for a loooooooong table in the front of the room. It was covered in all sorts of food. Seriously. A ridiculous amount of food. Marshall was standing beside it, eying the food hungrily. He couldn't wait until it was time to eat. When it looked like everyone was in the room, Marshall tore his attention away from the food and onto the students.

"Hi guys. For those of you who don't know, I'm Marshall Eriksen and this is Food Appreciation," he said with a smile. "This class is exactly what it sounds like. We're here to appreciate food. I tried to make it seem like there's rhyme or reason to this class and we're not just stuffing our faces but...we're here to stuff our faces. Don't tell the principal."

"Your T.A. for this class is Miss. Peters. She's pretty much awesome and she's perfectly capable of taking over the class if I'm not here," he said, smiling over at Francine. "Some of you guys look familiar and some of you are new to me so let's start today with some introductions. Just give me your name, your favorite food and tell me something about yourself. I'll go first. I'm Marshall, and, yes, just call me Marshall. Mr. Eriksen still weirds me out. My favorite food is any type of candy and I'm married to Ms. Aldrin, who is another teacher here. And, um...I've won a slap bet. Okay. Who's next?"

After the introductions Marshall clapped his hands together and pointed at the table of food. "Okay, today we're going to start with the most obvious food to start with: breakfast. It is the most important meal of the day. There is nothing worse than going through a day without breakfast. I guarantee you ninety percent of the time when you run into a grumpy person during your day they are grumpy because they didn't have a good breakfast. Eat it. Every day. It can be simple, some cereal, some fruit, yogurt. You won't regret it."

"Now we've got a ton of breakfast food that I got the cafeteria to mix up. Bacon, eggs, pancakes, waffles..." Marshall said, pointing at the various stuff on the table. "We're also getting New York with the bagels and lox and--ooh, there's a strip steak. Steak and eggs are the best. And oh! For you guys going to college: leftover pizza. Trust me, get used to it. Don't heat it up. You're most likely going to eat it cold."

"Okay, so there's plates and silverware up here and juice, coffee and other drinks in the back," Marshall said. "Get eating. Talk to each other about breakfast food."

Yep. This was going to be the best class ever.

[OCD up!]

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"Nah," Dean said. "He's dead. Some hunters had to go after his ghost a while back."

Priestly shook his head. "No way. Dude's clever, I'll give you that. Knows how to support his fake death. But the man's spending his senile years partying it up in the Bermuda Triangle."

Priestly had some interesting theories.

"So the man created a ghost of himself good enough to fool hunters?" Dean asked with a skeptical raised eyebrow.

"Had someone off an Elvis impersonator?" Priestly shrugged. "Hoffa's in the Triangle, too, so he's got some connections."

"And you know this.... how?"

"I pay attention." Priestly tapped the side of his head.

It . . . wasn't really clear if he was taking all this seriously or not.

"The clues are all there, man. Amelia Earhart totally founded the island as a retreat for celebs who want out of the spotlight."

"Riiiight," Dean said. Great. His double was insane.

Priestly crossed his arms, smirking. "'Cause hunting Elvis' ghost is so much easier to believe than a missing aviator claiming her own island?"

"It is when you've actually hunted down and got rid of ghosts," Dean said.

Great, his double was completely literal.

"Where's your imagination, man? I bet you don't think Reagan's the one who gave the order to have Lennon offed, either."

"Course not," Dean scoffed. "Chapman was possessed by a demon."

"Right. And there's no way the government could possibly know about and use demons to their advantage."

"You really got a hate on for the government don't you?" Dean observed.

"Not the whole thing. Just the parts that tell you what to do."

Dean shrugged. "Suppose parts of it can be pretty bad, but I pretty much ignore it." Well other than Manticore, but that was a different situation.

"That's exactly what they want you to do," Priestly said sadly. Then he shrugged and grinned. "I mostly just like theorizing about it, though."

"We need to get you a hobby," Dean declared.

"Conspiracy theories can't be a hobby?"

"I can think of healthier ones. Like monster baiting."

Priestly heard that wrong.

"Well, yeah, but I mean, what guy doesn't do that?"

Dean stared at Priestly for a moment before he got what the misunderstanding was. "Monster baiting. Not masturbating," he clarified.

"Yeah, my version sounds way more fun."

Food Appreciation [Class One, Period #3]

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