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fandomhigh2008-08-04 12:24 am
tinkerbitch.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2008-08-04 12:24 am
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How to Be a Complete Bitch Without Even Trying, Workshop 5, Period 2 (Monday, August 4th)
Tink was in a particularly sparkly mood this morning. It was always nice when Fandom's little oddnesses skipped you entirely. She had been full-sized and fabulous all weekend. It helped that pixies really didn't age. They were perfectly sized from start to finish. Wasn't she just perfectly sized? And shaped! She should pose again so they could appreciate her.
Jean-Paul was...also in a particularly sparkly mood this morning. Inasmuch as he sparkled. But he'd gotten to have chocolate and ice cream this weekend, even if he had been tiny and had gotten into a shouting match with an even more tiny than usual Wolverine. "Good morning, children!" he said cheerfully.
They could start being scared any time now.
Wasn't it a beautiful day? It was! Even if it was Monday and early. Tink didn't have a hangover this morning, which meant today was a very good day. And rare. Extremely rare. And oh, she loved all of her students! Even the stinky ones and the ones that dressed badly. That was most of them. So! Today they had a very important lesson to learn, children!
"Today we are going to talk about insisting on the best, children," Jean-Paul said. "This is a very important quality, both for bitches and for anyone who does not want their date to take them to McDonald's. Which your date may say makes you a bitch, but really it does not and you should dump him immediately."
If your date tried to take you to McDonald's, then you should look very closely at yourself and wonder where you went so wrong in life that you attracted someone who underestimated you so greatly as to think they could woo you with McNuggets, children. And that was after you dumped him and ran away as though he was on fire. Tink was not recommending that you actually set him on fire, but she would not condemn anyone who did, at that point.
"But we are getting off track. The point of this lesson is to always expect the best of everything. If someone offers you water, it should be bottled water. From France. Because remember, anything French is automatically better. Like me!" Never mind that he was technically Canadian.
If someone takes you to dinner, it had better be a nice restaurant, and anyone who turned colors when you ordered filet mignon or tried to dissuade you from their finest wine was not worth your time at all. Of course he was paying for your half; was he not enchanted by your sparkling and vivacious company? Mere money was nothing compared to that!
"And if someone gives you a gift, it should of course be the very best. Jewelry for preference. Or cashmere. Cashmere is always nice, as well."
Leather, she had a fondness for, but that wasn't quite gift material the way silk was. Or a nice fur stole. Some people claimed to care rather a lot about animals and buy fake fur, but those people should be dumped as well. After all, they cared more about some small animal than about you and how fabulous you were. How rude!
"Also, fake fur has a tendency to be...extremely fake. Real is better. Except when it comes to certain things, but that is another class, and one better taught by Emma Frost." Jean-Paul sighed. "Alas, that she went home."
Tink mimed a cleavage. Fake? Really? Those were fake? If they were fake, they were excellent and Tink wanted her doctor's number, in case she ever felt the need to ... well, now, that was none of the children's business. Right! So anyone giving you a subpar gift should be dumped immediately. Keep the gift, and exchange it for money, and use that money to buy yourself something chic. See? Simple enough!
"Indeed! And yes, they were. Now, your assignment for today is to pair up, and one of you will 'give' the other one something. But that is not all!"
No! The other person must insist that this just isn't good enough, and try to negotiate for a better gift. Once that has succeeded -- or once it has failed and the other is free from your cheap and unappreciative ways -- you must reverse roles and try again. Wasn't that ever so easy? It was! Tink and Jean-Paul were such wonderful teachers. They deserved an award.
The children could bring awards, next week, if they liked. Tink wouldn't mind.
"If you did not understand all that, feel free to ask. I might even tell you. But remember, only the best awards!"
Jean-Paul was...also in a particularly sparkly mood this morning. Inasmuch as he sparkled. But he'd gotten to have chocolate and ice cream this weekend, even if he had been tiny and had gotten into a shouting match with an even more tiny than usual Wolverine. "Good morning, children!" he said cheerfully.
They could start being scared any time now.
Wasn't it a beautiful day? It was! Even if it was Monday and early. Tink didn't have a hangover this morning, which meant today was a very good day. And rare. Extremely rare. And oh, she loved all of her students! Even the stinky ones and the ones that dressed badly. That was most of them. So! Today they had a very important lesson to learn, children!
"Today we are going to talk about insisting on the best, children," Jean-Paul said. "This is a very important quality, both for bitches and for anyone who does not want their date to take them to McDonald's. Which your date may say makes you a bitch, but really it does not and you should dump him immediately."
If your date tried to take you to McDonald's, then you should look very closely at yourself and wonder where you went so wrong in life that you attracted someone who underestimated you so greatly as to think they could woo you with McNuggets, children. And that was after you dumped him and ran away as though he was on fire. Tink was not recommending that you actually set him on fire, but she would not condemn anyone who did, at that point.
"But we are getting off track. The point of this lesson is to always expect the best of everything. If someone offers you water, it should be bottled water. From France. Because remember, anything French is automatically better. Like me!" Never mind that he was technically Canadian.
If someone takes you to dinner, it had better be a nice restaurant, and anyone who turned colors when you ordered filet mignon or tried to dissuade you from their finest wine was not worth your time at all. Of course he was paying for your half; was he not enchanted by your sparkling and vivacious company? Mere money was nothing compared to that!
"And if someone gives you a gift, it should of course be the very best. Jewelry for preference. Or cashmere. Cashmere is always nice, as well."
Leather, she had a fondness for, but that wasn't quite gift material the way silk was. Or a nice fur stole. Some people claimed to care rather a lot about animals and buy fake fur, but those people should be dumped as well. After all, they cared more about some small animal than about you and how fabulous you were. How rude!
"Also, fake fur has a tendency to be...extremely fake. Real is better. Except when it comes to certain things, but that is another class, and one better taught by Emma Frost." Jean-Paul sighed. "Alas, that she went home."
Tink mimed a cleavage. Fake? Really? Those were fake? If they were fake, they were excellent and Tink wanted her doctor's number, in case she ever felt the need to ... well, now, that was none of the children's business. Right! So anyone giving you a subpar gift should be dumped immediately. Keep the gift, and exchange it for money, and use that money to buy yourself something chic. See? Simple enough!
"Indeed! And yes, they were. Now, your assignment for today is to pair up, and one of you will 'give' the other one something. But that is not all!"
No! The other person must insist that this just isn't good enough, and try to negotiate for a better gift. Once that has succeeded -- or once it has failed and the other is free from your cheap and unappreciative ways -- you must reverse roles and try again. Wasn't that ever so easy? It was! Tink and Jean-Paul were such wonderful teachers. They deserved an award.
The children could bring awards, next week, if they liked. Tink wouldn't mind.
"If you did not understand all that, feel free to ask. I might even tell you. But remember, only the best awards!"
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