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fandomhigh2008-07-28 12:39 am
notanactualfairy) wrote in fandomhigh2008-07-28 12:39 am
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HOW TO BE A COMPLETE BITCH WITHOUT TRYING, Workshop 4, Period 2 (Monday, July 28)
The teachers were on time again. And they looked kind of...annoyed. "Children," Jean-Paul said as he stood before the class, arms folded, "Mademoiselle Bell and I have a few...housekeeping matters to discuss with you before we proceed with the class. Do we not, Mademoiselle Bell?"
They did! They most certainly did! Because, you see, Tink and Jean-Paul were excellent, fabulous, wonderful teachers who were kind enough to reach into their black, shriveled hearts and teach the fine art of bitchery to these most unworthy students, and what did they get for it!?
"Nothing but grief, it would seem. Now, first of all, we told you your names; the least you can do is use them correctly when signing in. For those of you who may have forgotten, a list has been provided. Again. If you have any confusion, please consult it."
Secondly, while practicing one's finely-honed attitude with fellow students was recommended, and trying out one's newfound bitchery in all aspects of life was ideal, the rather glaring exception to this should be one's Bitch teachers. As they could clearly outbitch you any day of the week without putting any effort into it and were unimpressed with your rather pathetic attempts to start.
"Indeed," Jean-Paul agreed, then elucidated for those in the class who tragically were unable to quite understand Tink. "We are taking the time out of our busy schedules of being fabulous to teach you the way of the bitch; the least you can do is show us a bit of respect in return. That is not so much to ask, non?"
It really, really wasn't. Now! On to class! Class this week was about a very important facet in honing one's bitch craft: being fabulous. Being fabulous was vital to being a bitch. If one had the attitude but not the fabulousness, one was merely a cranky wannabe, and who wanted that? No one. At all.
"There are a few important things to remember to be fabulous. The first is to dress well. This does not mean spending a lot of money or being precisely on trend--although those help--but you must remember to dress well for your body shape. Ill-fitting clothing is no one's friend, and detracts from your fabulousness."
And of course Tink had a very nice store filled with very chic employees who would be only too happy to help you find something to make you look far less ugly than you appeared. Black was slimming, and of course the shape of a garment -- a higher waist line versus a lower one, how the fabric draped you -- could change so much in one's silhouette. But dressing well was not all to being fabulous! Was it?
"No, indeed it is not! One must also be--" Jean-Paul struck a pose. "A diva. Or. Not, if you are one of those bourgeois butch people. Not that we judge."
No, indeed. Not about that. Some butch people could be very fabulous, indeed, but in their own butch sort of way. But yes! One's attitude must be utterly fabulous. Remember that one simply is fabulous. One does not try to be fabulous. If you are trying to be fabulous, children, you have already failed, and will never be a diva. Ever. Now would be a good time to go to the corner and cry about your pathetic failure.
"We are trying to help them achieve fabulousness," Jean-Paul reminded her delicately. "Perhaps telling them to cry is. Well, delightfully bitchy," he acknowledged. "But it will not help them be fabulous. What will help them be fabulous is an entourage. This can be an excellent way of boosting your fabulous level if it is naturally low: surround yourself with fabulous people. However, remember it can go one of two ways. Either their fabulous demeanor will rub off on you, or your hopelessness will shine through."
And of course, surrounding yourself with sub-par people will only prove that you have no fabulousness and no taste in friends. Now, children, these were not the only ways to be fabulous, but there was only so much hand-holding their wonderful teachers could do. And so! Today's class would be about finding ways to make yourself more fabulous. Didn't that sound fun? Of course it did!
"Indeed it does," Jean-Paul agreed. "So, your assignment, should you choose to accept it--and you had better--is to think of and share with the class additional ways to be fabulous. That should not be so hard, should it?"
No! See? They were generous teachers, helping the children find fabulousness and giving them easy assignments that anyone with a working brain could easily accomplish. Weren't they amazing? They were. You could feel free to tell them that, after class. Offering gifts was also accepted.
"And remember, if are so lacking you need clues as to fabulousness, you need only look as far as myself and Mademoiselle Bell. And, of course, our TA. We are here to help, or at least that is what the administration keeps telling us."
They did! They most certainly did! Because, you see, Tink and Jean-Paul were excellent, fabulous, wonderful teachers who were kind enough to reach into their black, shriveled hearts and teach the fine art of bitchery to these most unworthy students, and what did they get for it!?
"Nothing but grief, it would seem. Now, first of all, we told you your names; the least you can do is use them correctly when signing in. For those of you who may have forgotten, a list has been provided. Again. If you have any confusion, please consult it."
Secondly, while practicing one's finely-honed attitude with fellow students was recommended, and trying out one's newfound bitchery in all aspects of life was ideal, the rather glaring exception to this should be one's Bitch teachers. As they could clearly outbitch you any day of the week without putting any effort into it and were unimpressed with your rather pathetic attempts to start.
"Indeed," Jean-Paul agreed, then elucidated for those in the class who tragically were unable to quite understand Tink. "We are taking the time out of our busy schedules of being fabulous to teach you the way of the bitch; the least you can do is show us a bit of respect in return. That is not so much to ask, non?"
It really, really wasn't. Now! On to class! Class this week was about a very important facet in honing one's bitch craft: being fabulous. Being fabulous was vital to being a bitch. If one had the attitude but not the fabulousness, one was merely a cranky wannabe, and who wanted that? No one. At all.
"There are a few important things to remember to be fabulous. The first is to dress well. This does not mean spending a lot of money or being precisely on trend--although those help--but you must remember to dress well for your body shape. Ill-fitting clothing is no one's friend, and detracts from your fabulousness."
And of course Tink had a very nice store filled with very chic employees who would be only too happy to help you find something to make you look far less ugly than you appeared. Black was slimming, and of course the shape of a garment -- a higher waist line versus a lower one, how the fabric draped you -- could change so much in one's silhouette. But dressing well was not all to being fabulous! Was it?
"No, indeed it is not! One must also be--" Jean-Paul struck a pose. "A diva. Or. Not, if you are one of those bourgeois butch people. Not that we judge."
No, indeed. Not about that. Some butch people could be very fabulous, indeed, but in their own butch sort of way. But yes! One's attitude must be utterly fabulous. Remember that one simply is fabulous. One does not try to be fabulous. If you are trying to be fabulous, children, you have already failed, and will never be a diva. Ever. Now would be a good time to go to the corner and cry about your pathetic failure.
"We are trying to help them achieve fabulousness," Jean-Paul reminded her delicately. "Perhaps telling them to cry is. Well, delightfully bitchy," he acknowledged. "But it will not help them be fabulous. What will help them be fabulous is an entourage. This can be an excellent way of boosting your fabulous level if it is naturally low: surround yourself with fabulous people. However, remember it can go one of two ways. Either their fabulous demeanor will rub off on you, or your hopelessness will shine through."
And of course, surrounding yourself with sub-par people will only prove that you have no fabulousness and no taste in friends. Now, children, these were not the only ways to be fabulous, but there was only so much hand-holding their wonderful teachers could do. And so! Today's class would be about finding ways to make yourself more fabulous. Didn't that sound fun? Of course it did!
"Indeed it does," Jean-Paul agreed. "So, your assignment, should you choose to accept it--and you had better--is to think of and share with the class additional ways to be fabulous. That should not be so hard, should it?"
No! See? They were generous teachers, helping the children find fabulousness and giving them easy assignments that anyone with a working brain could easily accomplish. Weren't they amazing? They were. You could feel free to tell them that, after class. Offering gifts was also accepted.
"And remember, if are so lacking you need clues as to fabulousness, you need only look as far as myself and Mademoiselle Bell. And, of course, our TA. We are here to help, or at least that is what the administration keeps telling us."