How to Be a Complete Bitch Without Trying, Workshop 1, Period 2 (Monday, July 7)

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

A few minutes after class was supposed to start -- well, they didn't call it "fashionably late" for nothing, children -- a very, very chic pixie zipped through the open doorway, carrying with her a bottle of absinthe which was much larger than herself. What, did other teachers attempt this job sober? In that case, they were far braver than Miss Tinker Bell.

A lean man with black hair, blue eyes, and a black and blue side of his face stepped in after her. "Bonjour, children," said Jean-Paul. "This is How to Be a Bitch. The loser classes are being held in different rooms. Please adjust accordingly."

Tink applauded cheerfully. Yes! Yes, this class was all about becoming a bitch. Of course, the children were still losers, because only a loser would need to take a class on how to be a bitch, but at least they were trying. And trying was what mattered most, right, children? ... Well. Trying wasn't nearly as fabulous as winning, but they were teachers now and they had to pretend that sort of garbage was true.

"Indeed," Jean-Paul said, even though he'd really only gotten about seventy-five percent of it, because not admitting weakness was part of being a fabulous bitch. "Now obviously you're not there yet, or you wouldn't need this class, unless you are in fact there yet and are here for the easy A, in which case Ms. Bell and I approve, do we not, Mademoiselle?"

They did! They approved very much indeed. Being a slacker and coasting on your achievements was a very good way of being a bitch. And Tink simply adored being called Mademoiselle. Anyone who was French was automatically doing very well on the Bitch front, because the French were ever-so-chic. Non?

"Oui, oui. And I am French-Canadian, which was even better," but getting back to the actual class real quick. "I suppose," Jean-Paul sighed, "even though it is terribly bourgeois, you should all introduce yourselves. As a formality. I will be calling you by the wrong names anyway."

Oh, Tink never bothered learning names. None of them had names half as fabulous as Tinker Bell, so what was the point? But yes, children. Introduce yourselves, pretend that you have interesting characteristics, tell the class you would like to be a doctor or an astronaut when you grow up, instead of the middle-management drone you should hope you become, as that's far improved over the fast-food work that Tink sees in your future. Make it quick, as Tink has a short attention span.

"You might also," Jean-Paul added, "tell us why you took this class, as it will provide valuable insight into exactly how far you have to go, and possibly make Ms. Bell and I laugh and laugh."

Yes! That could be very amusing. Did Jean-Paul want any of her absinthe? It was simply yummy, and it went well with humiliation and misery and the sweet, sweet tears of pathetic children. See, children, they were learning about bitchiness already! Wasn't this the best class ever?

"Oh, no thank you," Jean-Paul said. "I do not drink before five." He was stuck-up like that. Also, possessed of a freaky metabolism. "In case any of you are wondering what happened to my face, I did this 'headdesking' when I saw the roster for this class." He really didn't, but there was more bitchiness for the students to learn about!

Ugh, the roster. Could it be more pathetic? Well, it was after five somewhere in the world, so Tink was going to start on the absinthe while the boring children talked. This was going to be a long term.


(OOC: please see here if you want more information on the class. HOORAY, BITCHINESS.)

Comments

Sign In (7/7)

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

With your bitchiest icon.

Re: Sign In (7/7)

[peace_n_war]

Warren Peace

Talk Amongst Yourselves (7/7)

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Careful not to incur the wrath of the bitchy teachers.

Re: Talk Amongst Yourselves (7/7)

[finding-x-dream.livejournal.com]

Seriously, this class was just disturbing. Agnes looked around at the other students, trying to figure out if she was the only one here who hadn't signed up for it.

Re: Talk Amongst Yourselves (7/7)

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

...this was not the class he'd signed up for and he was distinctly not pleased.

This will help me SO very much with my already pitiful social skills.

Re: Talk Amongst Yourselves (7/7)

[always-damp.livejournal.com]

Toby was so glad to see his little flying boss was teaching his class. He waved to her cheerfully.

He'd be a bitch when he wasn't getting laid regularly.

The Boring, Stupid, Bourgeosie Introductions (7/7)

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Every class has to have these, because you are all slaves to routine and can't function without blabbing out your stupid name and telling all your worthless peers something interesting about yourself, even though none of you have ever been interesting in your lives. Fine. Make it quick and painless, if you must, and know that you are pathetic and wasting Jean-Paul and Tink's extremely valuable time.

Re: The Boring, Stupid, Bourgeosie Introductions (7/7)

[peace_n_war]

Warren wasn't going to stand up. Warren was going to sit in his chair, narrow his eyes, slouch back, and grunt.

"Warren Peace. Credits. Whatever."

Having gotten the stupid introduction thing out of the way, he could now resume leveling nasty, slightly disgusted looks at the other students in the class.

Re: The Boring, Stupid, Bourgeosie Introductions (7/7)

[not_in_the_book]

Ronan raised one eyebrow, clearly disdainful of the introduction process. "Ronan Nolan. I'm here more for a... refresher on bitchiness. I'm afraid I've lost my touch, and, I thought, who better to learn from as I regain my skill than the two of you? There are no better bitches in all of Fandom."

Re: The Boring, Stupid, Bourgeosie Introductions (7/7)

[notqueenyet.livejournal.com]

"Aravis. Lady Aravis, if you prefer. I don't imagine that you do, but the title has proven useful when wanting to intimidate and assert authority, which this class seems to promote," Aravis said coolly.

Re: The Boring, Stupid, Bourgeosie Introductions (7/7)

[makescherries.livejournal.com]

"Princess Cimorene of Linderwall." Cimorene had hidden most of her WTFness behind a mask of indifference that she had seen her third oldest sister use. "And I didn't sign up for this class."

Re: The Boring, Stupid, Bourgeosie Introductions (7/7)

[stupid-toasters.livejournal.com]

"Lee Adama," Lee said. "I took this class because Bird Types 101 wasn't offered this time around."

Or something.

Re: The Boring, Stupid, Bourgeosie Introductions (7/7)

[isourking.livejournal.com]

"I'm Ron. I didn't sign up for this class. Somehow I just seemed cursed to be in a class with... her."

Ron nodded in the direction of Tinkerbell. It probably wasn't necessary.

Re: The Boring, Stupid, Bourgeosie Introductions (7/7)

[finding-x-dream.livejournal.com]

Agnes loathed the class already. Unfortunately, part of her thought it was "cool" and wanted to clap her hands excitedly and squeal with delight.

"My name is Agnes Nitt, and you both are horribly, disgustingly spiteful people."

Re: The Boring, Stupid, Bourgeosie Introductions (7/7)

[rocksthescarf.livejournal.com]

"I'm Chuck Bass. I took this class for the easy A," he said. He didn't feel he needed to share more than that.

Re: The Boring, Stupid, Bourgeosie Introductions (7/7)

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

"Liir Thropp," he said, annoyed at having to run back to his room naked this morning, annoyed at being in this class, and annoyed that he was going to have to try to be a 'bitch' to get a good grade and that would end so very well.

"And I'm here because whoever is running the universe seems to find me amusing to muck about with."

...if he got detention, fine.

Re: The Boring, Stupid, Bourgeosie Introductions (7/7)

[always-damp.livejournal.com]

"I'm Toby," Toby smiled, and adjusted his black button-down shirt, having no reason to be bitchy. "I'm from Dante's Cove and one day I'll be a chef."

Audition for the Highly-Sought-After Position of TA (7/7)

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

You don't actually have what it takes, but you can pretend. If you'd like to audition for the TA spot, here's how:

- Light a cigarette
- Strike your coolest pose
- Explain to Jean-Paul and Tink why you are more qualified than the rest of these nobodies

Re: Audition for the Highly-Sought-After Position of TA (7/7)

[isourking.livejournal.com]

Ron took a puff of the cigarette, hacked up a lung and then tripped in one of his more serious coughing fits sending him sprawling to the floor.

"I hate you all."

Re: Audition for the Highly-Sought-After Position of TA (7/7)

[finding-x-dream.livejournal.com]

Agnes wasn't really sure what a "TA" was. All the same, she glared at a cigarette until it burst into flames and then smiled sweetly and bowed.

Re: Audition for the Highly-Sought-After Position of TA (7/7)

[rocksthescarf.livejournal.com]

Chuck didn't have to try to strike a pose. He just lit the cigarette and stood like he always did. He looked good without even trying.

"I don't care if you pick me or not," he said.

Re: Audition for the Highly-Sought-After Position of TA (7/7)

[not_in_the_book]

Ronan lit up -- with a word, thank you, wizardry -- and leaned back casually against the wall as he took a long drag. "For one thing," he said, as he eyed the other auditioning students, "I actually know how to smoke a cigarette."

Re: Audition for the Highly-Sought-After Position of TA (7/7)

[peace_n_war]

Warren looked at the cigarettes, curled his lip back in a sneer, and then lit both of his hands on fire and narrowed his eyes.

Logan Peace.

"No. Really. Die in a fire."

He hated them all and he was going to stalk away now. Bitchily.

Talk to Tink and Jean-Paul (7/7)

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Bore your instructors after class with more of your insignificant problems and concerns. They might pretend to care.

OOC (7/7)

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

If you want to audition but not actually get the spot (time commitments or what-have-you), that's fine, just let us know here.