fandomhigh | The Art of Cool: Class 7, Period 2 (Friday, February 22)

Tink was swilling her martini and smiling brightly at Barney. So how did he think the teenagers had done? There had been a big pretty dance, and that three-minute-date thing that she was pretty sure she'd won. All sorts of opportunities! It was a sure thing!

"It was. I saw many a fine filly at that dance. Those whorish slits and plunging necklines weren't designed for dancing! They were intended to attract attention and show off the goods," Barney added.

And so very many of them had nice goods. And the boys all dressed up fancy, and nobody looking like they were very stinky. She was almost sure most of them bathed! And masks made things seem exotic, even if you were with the same boring person you knew from before. Really, if you didn't bag someone last weekend, there was just no hope for you.

"Even if you didn't bother going to the dance, not that I can even begin to understand that lack of logic, there was ample opportunity to get laid at Caritas on Saturday. Those were Three Minute Dates of Awesome, other than the uncomfortable fifth round. But hey, I still gave the poor guy someone's number. Just not mine."

Caritas even had the advantage of being after the dance. So if someone's horrible boyfriend didn't suit up and she was now miserable, why, she was already drinking! What more did you want, a road map? And all of Tink's rounds had been very nice, except the one where some jerk never showed. Someone had even bought her absinthe. He was ever so charming.

Barney redirected his attention to the class for a moment. "Students, you'll be pleased to know your esteemed Professors of Awesome met up on one of these dates and talked of nothing but you."

The reason Tink was laughing was, of course, because she was in complete agreement. And after all, they had mentioned their illustrious students, for evaluative purposes not related to laughing hysterically at their failures.

"Let's take Weasley for example. He suited up. His hair wasn't even too ragged. He didn't pass out at hello," really, Barney was shocked by that part. "Weasley managed to get his date interested and then ran away from her like a fool. Let us all pause for a moment of silence. Who am I kidding? Let's laugh!"

Ron glared at his professors but forced a grin. "I was playing hard to get. Trying to add a sense of mystery, you know?" he said as he left a box of chocolates on the desk.

Chocolates? Ooooooh. He brought them a bribe! Well then! He wasn't nearly so ... well, no. He was still pathetic but he had promise and just like she'd been saying all along, that was why he was the TA, because he had potential and were these cordials? These ones over here looked like cordials. She did love cordials so.

"Look at this," Barney made a show of investigating the box of chocolates. "Even Weasley sees that we are here to help him and he's brought us a gift!" Barney popped a chocolate into his mouth. "British though they might be," he said, chewing with an interested look on his face.

"They're quite good," Ron said looking very pleased at Barney and Tink. "In fact I think they're surprisingly good."

Barney's reply was cut short when his tongue began growing rapidly, the flesh expanding out of his mouth becoming nearly as long as his tie and twice as wide. "UY UNG!"

Tink was so busy staring at Barney and huffing and waving that she almost didn't notice when her arms grew longer and feathers filled in. Her jingling turning to whistling? That was a big clue. SQUAWK!

"UT A ELL INK? EASLY!" Ron was lucky that Barney's tongue was impairing his balance, causing Barney to stumble toward the front of the room in search of booze or a mirror, or maybe booze. "I'LL ILL OOO!"

"What's that?" Ron asked pretending to listen. "You say Reno gets detention? If you say so!"

Tink was too busy squawking and wondering whether her hips looked fat like this to object. Also, was there food around here somewhere?

"Oh you're right lady bird," Ron said wearily checking the syllabus. "We do have another in-class activity. Discuss the deeply-held insecurities that are keeping you from promiscuity."

Ron shrugged. "Whatever. You guys want do to do the assignment? Go ahead. Or write about what deeply held insecurities are making Mr. Tongue and Tweety Bird here extra slutty. Also says for your homework... Oh scrap that. Go find the girl or boy of your dreams and have a meaningful relationship. Or screw their bloody heads off. I don't care. It's your choice. I'm going to take a nap."

[ooc: please snow?]

The Art of Cool: Class 7, Period 2 (Friday, February 22)

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