Let it be known that I am an occasional cannibal and will kill and eat trespassers into my quarters. Long Pig is still my favorite fast food chain and I'm capable of cooking most of their dishes myself.

Just because I'm more or less confined to the campus grounds by the terms of my 'community service' does not mean that I'll be seeing any damn students outside of office hours or the above-mentioned extra-curricular activities unless they want their untimely disappearance to be forever a mystery.

P.S. I want my bowel disruptor back.