The Art of Cool: Class 1, Period 2 (Friday, January 11)

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Barney looked around the room. He was Not Pleased to see certain familiar faces. He was also Not Pleased to see a sock puppet. "Seriously? Is that a frog?"

Tink facepalmed. What was this?! Well, at least most of the room appeared to desperately need their help. And she did mean desperately. They were hideously underpaid, if these were the specimens they were hoping to educate. She had expected the worst, and they had exceeded expectations. Excuse her a moment, she needed a drink.

"Just wait until they start blathering about their deep and meaningful love," Barney rolled his eyes at the group before them, wondering if he had time to go back to their office for the scotch.

Tink would need a moment for the dry heaves to settle down. She had just pictured what these significant others must look like, and what the pairs might look like when -- she was not going to elucidate further, as she would like to keep her breakfast down. Which had, of course, been absinthe.

While Tink dry heaved, Barney began the lecture. There was no time for the present. "So, children. You think you have what it takes to be cool?" He didn't expect nor wait for a response. Please, like he cared. "Well, this is the place to test that theory. Today the smoking hot Miss Tinker Bell and I, Barney Stinson, Professor of Awesome, will start you on a path toward greatness. Nay! Toward incredible coolness!"

Tink - having recovered nicely, thank you very much - would like to take a moment to stress the word "toward." She and the delectable Barney would start them toward coolness. How far they travelled on that path would depend on each of them, and not just in a touchy-feely "do your best" sort of way. Some of them were hopeless cases no matter what. That freckled kid who had sent her prank goodies (hello again, and thank you!) was probably one of them.

"Right, toward," Barney repeated. "Let's get this show on the road with some introductory visual aids. Or, as I prefer to call them, visual laids!" Barney was far too amused with himself at times.

Barney's previous class may be familiar with the first chart that appeared on the screen at the front of the room as the Crazy/Hot Scale.



Tink stared at it a moment before dissension in the ranks became apparent. Excuse her? Was he saying all hot girls were crazy? Because she was most definitely hot like a burning thing and she was not crazy at all.

(Tink was, possibly, only minimally self-aware.)

"See, Tink, you fall in the preferred range on the Crazy/Hot scale, as you stay above the Crazy line in the Hot zone, here." He pointed out the location, hoping to appease her. "Unlike most of the hot students here who are completely crazy."

Oh! That was much better. She had thought perhaps ... well. His chart was very misleading but that was quite all right. Tink preened for a moment, as she always did when complimented. Then she produced her own graph, helpfully titled Reasons Teenagers Suck.



Did they see the suck oozing out of their tiny little pores? Sometimes literally, if they noticed the Hygiene listing, and they should. Did they notice how many of the columns were temporary issues that could be resolved with some self-awareness and liberal doses of Clearasil? Granted, others couldn't, but again: toward.

"These are some of the aspects of your uncoolness that we are hoping to enlighten this semester. As stated in the handwavily passed syllabus, some of these items will take more than one period to cover, but only because we just don't see you getting it quickly." He had experience with that, yes.

Or, for some of them, at all, but they shouldn't dwell on such unpleasantness. Now! Was this the part where they picked a minion? Someone to scrape and obey and suck up a lot? She was ever so looking forward to this part. Please? Could they??

"Mmm...minions!" Barney got a dastardly gleam in his eye as he rubbed his hands together dramatically. "We'll be requiring a TA. One among you to rule you all should Miss Bell or I be incapacitated." Aka, too hung over to get to class. "I believe this job also entails the getting and bringing of delicious baked goods."

Random compliments, fetching of booze, the usual duties. This job also had its perks, in that their chosen TA would be privy to their secrets in the extra-special art of cool, and would probably get an A without much effort. And Tink would totally let the TA bogart some of the booze.

"And to decide which of you lucky," he looked around the room, "or possibly lame students should be our TA, we are going to have a Walk-Off."

Tink clapped her hands excitedly. A walk-off! A walk-off! A real, honest for goodness, completely not stolen from that one fabulous movie except it totally was, WALK-OFF. And the winner would be awarded TA-ship! How great was that? It was the best thing ever and now Barney should announce the rules! Hooray!!!

"The rules are as follows," Barney began, queuing up a list on the screen. "You will begin by stating your name, why you're taking this class - and if I hear a single lame 'OMG I didn't mean to!' you're disqualified, one reason you suck, and how you can fix that. Then, you will strut down the runway."

Of course, when you reached the end of the runway, you should pose, and show off some moves. And the next person would then try to do your moves, and possibly complain about how lame your moves were, and then do even better moves of their own. It made perfect sense, right? Didn't they all see meta for Zoolander?

"An excellent film, if lacking in a really powerful soundtrack," Barney added. "So, let the best man win!"

Tink bristled at that. As with so much else in life, the best man in this case would probably be a woman.

[OOC: Because we like them, we must have one, la!]

Comments

Sign In [1/11]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

With your coolest icon. And your name, naturally. And possibly something dirty.

Re: Sign In [1/11]

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

Jeff Murdock.

...

Gusset.

Talk Amongst Yourselves [1/11]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

But be careful, or Barney will totally call you out.

Re: Talk Amongst Yourselves [1/11]

[minnesota-teen.livejournal.com]

Amber just sat there, staring.

Re: Talk Amongst Yourselves [1/11]

[harrydresden.livejournal.com]

There was a faerie teaching his class. A faerie. Harry wasn't talking so much as trying not to stare too much.

Re: Talk Amongst Yourselves [1/11]

[stylin-wizard.livejournal.com]

Alex couldn't help but stare at Tinker Bell. She was a fairy, a pixie, and she was co-teaching this class.

Alex? Totally thought that was awesome, and a tiny bit odd. But mostly awesome.

Re: Talk Amongst Yourselves [1/11]

[gobrookeyourself]

At first the little flying person thing had been distracting, but as this went on, Brooke found herself unsure of whether to be amused or vaguely offended.

Re: Talk Amongst Yourselves [1/11]

[raspberryturk]

Reno was totally relaxed, his feet up on the seat in front of him. This class was pie.

Re: Talk Amongst Yourselves [1/11]

[morpherboy.livejournal.com]

Eventually, Marco would stop grinning. This might even happen in the next decade.

Re: Talk Amongst Yourselves [1/11]

[robinthefrog.livejournal.com]

Robin couldn't technically blink in surprise or confusion, but that would be his attitude. Not about Tink because Fairies? Totally cool. But Barney?...Robin might not know much about cool, but most teenagers have an inborn sense that adults? Don't know from cool. They know what used to be cool. Unless they were celebrities. Or maybe that was just parents.

Walk-Off [1/11]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

1. Name, why you're here, how you suck, how you propose to fix that.
2. Strut your stuff. Heckle everyone else who is strutting their stuff. Trash-talking is encouraged.

Re: Walk-Off [1/11]

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"Jeff Murdock." Pause. Resigned, and very calm: "My mother controls my life with her iron fist." Drooping. "I have the word 'breasts' stuck on a neverending loop in my mind and I can't stop the breasts from coming out."

Another pause.

"I was considering moving to Lesbos."

He stayed seated, frozen in place.

Re: Walk-Off [1/11]

[sixstandingby.livejournal.com]

"Gavin Darklighter and I'm here because...I've heard a lot about Professor Stinson and I know he likes horses." Not exactly true but hey. "Um. I'm not sure I do suck so I don't need fixing."

Gavin wasn't so much with the strutting so, he stood up, waved at the class and sat back down. That was strutting for a stupid boy from Tatooine.

Re: Walk-Off [1/11]

[withoutverona]

"Romeo Montague." He hadn't actually meant to sign up for this class, but if he wasn't allowed to say that, he could make something up. "I am in this class because, if I am to work for Ms. Bell, I must be as stylish as possible."

Another long pause. "I am sometimes too much in my thoughts, though now I try to relate myself to my world."

And then a quick stride down the walkway, head high, smooth posture, but nothing flashy.

Re: Walk-Off [1/11]

[surferboy-09er.livejournal.com]

"I'm Dick Casablancas, I took this class because you can never learn enough about being cool. And I suck because," he looked around the class to make sure Annette wasn't there. "...I'm in a relationship."

And then Dick strutted down the runway like someone who has seen meta Zoolander waaaaaay too many times.

Re: Walk-Off [1/11]

[dojima-hime.livejournal.com]

"I'm Dōjima, and I'm here because the class sounded awesome and it would piss off my parents. If I have to admit to something sucking, I'll say it's my alcohol tolerance, and that can be fixed with more practice."

Grinning, Dōjima got up and twirled her way down the runway before flopping back in her chair. Mission accomplished!

Re: Walk-Off [1/11]

[inthereflexes.livejournal.com]

"Jack Burton. I'm here because I...I guess I don't fit in? I'm from the 60s, and I don't get a lot of the things here," he said, staring at the tiny flying thing that was really sparkly. "So...That's it."

He got up and walked. It was not quite a sashay, more of a meander. Possibly an amble.

Re: Walk-Off [1/11]

[therhimineecat.livejournal.com]

"Seregil i Korit Solun Meringill Bokthersa," Seregil introduced himself. "I'm from another dimension so I'm hoping to learn what is considered, well, cool, in this dimension."

He wasn't exactly sure what they were expecting for the 'walk-off' but assuming it was like what he had seen on the show with Tyra, he walked down the runway like he was working on the Street of Lights and was trying to entice some rich customers.

Re: Walk-Off [1/11]

[im-afrog.livejournal.com]

"I'm Adam Park, and this class seemed interesting. I'm not as confident in myself and I used to be, I was hoping this class could help fix that," he admitted, not sure why he'd just said that out loud.

Even though Adam was kind of a shy guy by nature, he decided to be a willing participant in the walk-off. He took a quick stride down the walkway, knowing that if Aisha and Kim had been there, they'd be cheering him on.

Re: Walk-Off [1/11]

[harrydresden.livejournal.com]

"Harry Dresden. I'm here because I lost all concept of cool while stuck on a farm in the Ozarks." He hadn't really, but he thought it sounded good. "I suck because of the previous answer, I guess." Harry could think of quite a few other reasons, but he wasn't going for deep and meaningful truths. "And, uh, I guess I plan on fixing it by being here?"


Harry had no idea how to do a walk-off. Harry wasn't even good at strutting, in a large part because he had no reason to strut ever. So he was just going to try walking and trying not to look like an idiot. At least he was tall. That helped, right?

Re: Walk-Off [1/11]

[key-of-heart.livejournal.com]

Sora did his walk, though because of his OMG GIGANTIC feet it was more of a plod but he was trying. "I'm Sora, I'm here because well, it's cool," he grinned and paused to think of something that sucked about it. "My walk sucks... but that's why I'm here right?"

Re: Walk-Off [1/11]

[stylin-wizard.livejournal.com]

"Hey, I'm Alex Russo," she began, smiling warmly. "I'm here because I figured there's no way a person could ever be too cool and that I could learn something more about it from this class."

She'd given an honest answer. Besides, maybe with some of things she learned from this class, she could one up Gigi when she saw her next.

Alex made her way down the walkway. It was short and sweet but she knew how to strut her stuff. After all, fashion was a big part of her life and she'd seen the runway spots many a time.

Re: Walk-Off [1/11]

[minnesota-teen.livejournal.com]

"Hi, I'm Amber Atkins, and I'm here because I liked the title of the class. I'm not sure I suck but a crazy psycho bitch wants to kill me so I suppose that kinda makes my life suck. Does that count?"

Strutting was easy although she didn't exactly strut as much as she paraded. She was Mount Roses American Teen Princess after all.

Talk to Barney and Tink [1/11]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Torment them further. Or suck up.

OOC

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Yes, Barney and Tink are picking the TA based on who they randomly decide has won the walk-off. So ping here if you seriously don't want the job, and we'll be sure to disqualify you. (But Pard is still betting you wish you were as hot as them, no?)

Re: OOC

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

*GLEES*