US Government [December 11, 2007, 1st period]

[professor-lyman.livejournal.com]

There was a lectern in the front of the class with a hastily sketched seal of the President of the United States on in.

Josh lounged behind it, looking over huge stacks of press clippings with the name "Matt Santos" highlighted on all of them. "Okay. We've talked about all of the major branches of government and ignored what the states do because I don't care that much. There is one more group of people we should probably talk about. Their job is to misinterpret everything you do, poke holes in your brilliant programs, and general make your life miserable. They call themselves the Fourth Estate and think they're sooooooo important just because they're protected by the First Amendment to the Constitution."

Josh made a "blah, blah, blah" gesture with his hands. "They are the press corps and a bigger bunch of incompetent alcoholics you couldn't hope to meet. Today, you get to be them!"

He straightened up behind the lectern. "And I will be myself and tell you all why you're wrong."

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[professor-lyman.livejournal.com]

...

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[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Mr. Lyman. What do you have to say to rumours that Matt Santos is a crossdresser?"

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[professor-lyman.livejournal.com]

"He certainly has the legs for it," Josh said with an incredibly poorly timed sense of humor.

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[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"So, you've seen him in a dress, then?" Lana persisted, trying to hide her grin. "What does his wife think of this and do you think America is ready for a transvestite president?"

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[professor-lyman.livejournal.com]

"His wife is totally hot," Josh said, "so I'm pretty sure she's okay with it."

Bad, bad, bad answer, Josh.

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[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Are you having an affair with Mr. Santos' wife, Mr. Lyman? The public has the right to know these things!!"

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[professor-lyman.livejournal.com]

Josh burst out laughing. "My girlfriend knows how to kill people. I'm not completely stupid."

Jury's still out on that, Josh.

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[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Your girlfriend kills people?" Lana put on her best shocked expression. "Does Mr. Santos' know his campaign manager's girlfriend is an ex-felon? Did you ever help her in the commission of any of these murders?"

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[professor-lyman.livejournal.com]

"One, no she's not,"--Aly being far too smart to get caught, "and two, I'm not on the Santos campaign." Yet. Details. "And I would certainly not be involved in anything or anyone trying to break the laws of this country."

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[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana was giggling too hard to go on very well by this point. "But you're willing to support a transvestite for president?"

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[professor-lyman.livejournal.com]

"As long as they're a Democrat, sure."

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[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana giggled helplessly and gave up. "Okay, you win."

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[practicaldevice.livejournal.com]

Anathema raised her hand. "What's your plan for decreasing global warming?"

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[professor-lyman.livejournal.com]

"I'll ban Congress from holding press conferences," Josh said, nodding. "The decrease in hot air that would cause should patch up the ozone hole."

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[practicaldevice.livejournal.com]

Anathema smothered a grin. "But won't the meetings between diplomats and various government officials still cause the same problem?"

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[professor-lyman.livejournal.com]

"Excellent point," Josh said, looking thoughtful. "All press conferences should be done in interpretative dance."

Pause.

"Not this one, though."

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[practicaldevice.livejournal.com]

"Good, because I'm not a very good dancer." Anathema said. "So how would 'world peace' look like in dance form?"

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[professor-lyman.livejournal.com]

"I don't know," Josh said slowly, making a circle with his hands, then flapping them out like a dove.

Or a spastic chicken, if we were being unkind.

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[practicaldevice.livejournal.com]

Anathema may have made a very detailed sketch in her notes. "How about 'presidential election'?"

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[professor-lyman.livejournal.com]

Josh made horse racing noises as he clopped his hands against the podium, then did a credible impression of a chicken with its head cut off.

Quite the proud moment for the Lyman family.

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[practicaldevice.livejournal.com]

Anathema regretted not having a camera on her. "I see. And um, 'international relations'?"

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[professor-lyman.livejournal.com]

Josh thought about it for a moment, then held up a finger and began beating his head on the podium. "This works just as well for the Middle East in particular," he added helpfully.

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[practicaldevice.livejournal.com]

Anathema cracked up laughing. "I'm almost afraid to ask what you would do with England."

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[professor-lyman.livejournal.com]

"Would rude gestures be out of the question?" he asked innocently.

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[practicaldevice.livejournal.com]

"Yes." Anathema informed him. "Unless they're made directly at the old Prime Minister."

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[professor-lyman.livejournal.com]

Josh cracked up. "I'll keep that in mind."