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fandomhigh2007-11-09 12:32 am
suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2007-11-09 12:32 am
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Love Smart: Period 2, Week 9
Barney arrived in the classroom, suspicious mug with not!coffee in it. He needed to be ready for the events of the weekend, time of day be damned! As he began his lecture, he passed out some quizzes along with a copy of a simple graph.
"The theory of evolution alleges that humans evolved from monkeys. If we accept this “theory,” then we must also accept that over the course of millions of years, women have become more attractive, less hairy and infinitely crazier.
The problem is certain women’s increase in physical attractiveness has been disproportional to their increase in psychosis. Luckily for us, a chart exists where we can see just how out of balance the ratio between your hotness and craziness has become - knowledge that can prove to be invaluable over the course of your daily life.
Now, you know how hot you are. But you probably have no idea how crazy you are – a major contributing factor to the problem. That’s where the great Professor Barnabus Stinson comes to the rescue. Be honest and rate your hotness from 1-10. Then, take the following simple quiz I’ve designed to see where you fall on the hot/crazy scale."
THE QUIZ
1. You’re walking down the street and see Matt Damon. You:
a: Gawk from afar and let him pass unbothered.
b: Run up to him and beg to have his babies.
c: Stab him with a pen.
2. You’re driving on the freeway and someone cuts you off. You:
a: Take a deep breath, count to ten, and do a random act of kindness.
b: Hold down your horn and scream obscenities.
c: Stab him with his own broken windshield wiper.
3. You see a kitten stuck in a tree. You:
a: Call the fire department and wait for professional help.
b: Climb up and rescue it, then take it home to join the 125 other cats you currently care for.
c: Stab it with a tree branch.
4. You’re on a date with a fellow and it’s not going well. You:
a: Explain to him you’re just not compatible and offer to split the check.
b: Start a small fire in the ladies’ bathroom thus evacuating the restaurant and ending your date.
c: Finish your decadent five-course dinner, then stab him with a lobster claw.
5. Your boss makes a pass at you. You:
a: Report it to human resources.
b: Go for it, then blackmail him for the rest of his natural life.
c: Stab him with his tie.
6. The barista screws up your double skim, half café, no sugar added caramel macchiato. You:
a: Drink whatever she gives you, so as to not create a scene.
b: Throw the scalding hot beverage into the barista’s face.
c: Stab her with a coffee cup.
7. It’s Christmas, a time of giving, charity, and joy. One of the Salvation Army Santa’s won’t stop ringing the bell in front of your apartment. You:
a: Thank him for doing the Lord’s work and give generously.
b: Tar and feather him from your fifth floor balcony.
c: Stab him with his bell, then steal his bucket.
8. Your grandparents are in town visiting. You:
a: Happily show them around town taking extra special care of them.
b: Berate them for the measly 12 bucks they gave you on last year’s birthday.
c: Stab them with their dentures.
9. You find a wallet in the middle of the street. You:
a: Locate the wallet’s owner and return it as found.
b: Steal the person’s identity and live as them.
c: Locate the wallet’s owner and stab them with their license.
10. Your boyfriend proposes. You:
a: Tearfully admit that you’re already married but not opposed to polygamy.
b: You say, “Honestly, we’ve had a lot of great times together but I just don’t see a future between us” thus breaking his heart… then you pick up the pieces of said broken heart, and stab him with it.
c: Say, “Yes, yes, a million times yes!”
"To find your “Crazy” rating, give yourself 0 points for every A response, 1 point for every B, and 2 points for every C. Take that total and divide by two. You now have your crazy number.
Now, using your self-assigned hot number, find your position on the Stinson Hot/Crazy scale. Remember, you want to find yourself located on the hot side, not the crazy side. If the results are not to your liking, please adjust your appearance or personality accordingly."
Barney looked pointedly at Jim and Karal
[ooc: Again, TY to Barney's Blog for being so incredibly awesome and writing this for me as my brain is BROKED!
ETA: IT DID NOT ALL COPY OVER! *fixes*]
Re: Take the Quiz [11/9]
D: Throw apples Matt Damon and ask if he likes them.
2. You’re driving on the freeway and someone cuts you off. You:
c: Stab him with his own broken windshield wiper.
3. You see a kitten stuck in a tree. You:
D. Douse the tree with Gasoline and set it on fire
4. You’re on a date with a fellow and it’s not going well. You:
D: Wonder why you've turned into a female. Then: Finish your decadent five-course dinner, then stab him with a lobster claw.
5. Your boss makes a pass at you. You:
D. Demand expensive gifts and tell him you cat is stuck in a tree. Douse the tree with gasoline and set it on fire.
6. The barista screws up your double skim, half café, no sugar added caramel macchiato. You:
D. Again wonder when you turn into a girl with silly taste in coffee and then beat the barista to death with Juan Valdez.
7. It’s Christmas, a time of giving, charity, and joy. One of the Salvation Army Santa’s won’t stop ringing the bell in front of your apartment. You:
D: MORE COWBELL!
8. Your grandparents are in town visiting. You:
D. Take their dead carcasses back to the cemetery and bury them after salting their bones and burning them.
9. You find a wallet in the middle of the street. You:
D. Put a fake badge in it and pretend you're a police detective.
10. Your boyfriend proposes. You: De
D. Look into gender reassignment because clearly I have issues.