fandomhigh | Safety Assembly [Auditorium, Friday]

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!event: assembly

Safety Assembly [Auditorium, Friday]

As the students filed into the auditorium on this ~~wtf cold stupid weather make up your mind!~~ Friday morning, they'd see Fraser standing quietly on stage waiting for them to settle.

Once they did, he cleared his throat and said: "Thank you all for coming. As you know, safety is a very important and significant idea here at Fandom High. And the administration strives to provide you with the latest and greatest safety information whenever we can. Therefore, it is my honor to welcome Jack Bauer, former Counter Terrorist Unit agent, now retired, to our fine school. He has given of his time to come here to show illustrate to you how you can be safe in both ordinary and extraordinary situations."

Fraser stepped away from the microphone and gestured towards Jack before leaving the stage.

[OCD is ~~coming~~ up!]

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Mingle with friends before Jack takes the stage!

Turtle settled into a very good seat, ready to hear all about safety, wheeeee.

Or take her little radio headphones from her pocket and listen to the market reports if hearing all about safety got too boring.

Jack was there, wondering what this whole thing was about.

John grabbed a seat and prepared himself for the assembly. He wondered what type of safety this talk was going to cover.

And Jack Bauer has taken the stage!

[There will be OCD subthreads put up by Jack's player. Please wait for Jack to ping in with the demonstration before reacting]

A man stepped forward wearing a dark shirt, dark pants, and a look that indicated that the clock was ticking.

"Thank you, Constable Fraser. I am Jack Bauer and for many years I was an agent for the Los Angeles division of CTU. One of the first things they teach us during CTU training is how to be safe and always to be cautious. And then they teach us how to shoot terrorists." This was a pretty good joke for Jack. Really, you had to be there.

"But that can apply to all aspects of life, not just the law enforcement aspects. I'm here to show you how to be safe and what to do in a worst case scenario. My assistant for today is your janitor, Fosse..." Jack paused as he got a good look at Fosse for the first time as he brought out a lamp with a dead light bulb and a fresh light bulb. He immediately tried to figure out how he would take the troll down if necessary. It wouldn't be easy.

"Thank you, Fosse. The first step is to make sure there isn't any power going into the lamp. If you knew the state of the light before it went out, you can either make sure it's off using the switch. More likely, it would be safer to unplug the lamp. Then you remove the bulb by twisting it counter clockwise, being careful not to grip it too hard or you might break the bulb in your hands. Take the new bulb, screw it in clockwise, plug the lamp in, and you have light!"

"You might think that the worst case scenario is accidental electrocution, but it's not. The worst case is that when you're changing the light bulb, terrorists storm into your home and try to set up a nuclear device. The important thing here is that you have two glass projectiles at the ready... Fosse?"

Fosse came back out wearing a large shirt that said 'terrorist.'

"So you throw the light bulbs at them. Aim for the head," Jack said, throwing the bulb towards the troll's head. His assistants usually dodge those. It didn't seem to matter to Fosse, though. "Repeat with the bulb you just put into the lamp. Then not only have you potentially taken out two hostiles, you've also darkened the room. Since this your home, you have the advantage in the dark. Depending on the number of hostiles in your home, either attempt to disarm the rest, possibly using the lamp as a weapon, or retreat to another room to plan your next move. Just remember, it's crucial to make sure the nuke is NOT activated."

"And that's how you change a light bulb."

Fosse cleared the lamp and glass debris from the stage and brought out the rear section of a car with a flat tire along with a fresh spare tire.

"Thank you, Fosse. Now let's talk about changing tires. It's simple enough if you have the right tools. You do your best to get out of traffic, either onto the shoulder of the road or a side street, go to the trunk, make sure there are no dead bodies in there - don't scoff, it happened to my daughter - and get the tools and spare out of the trunk."

Jack got to work with changing the tire and described the process as he did it. "Then it's a matter of using the jack to lift the car, remove the lug nuts, then the hubcap, then remove the tire... And then fit the news tire on, doing everything in reverse. Just make sure throughout this that you're not going to be run over. If you have them, set up traffic cones or some other warning object to let people know that you're going to be doing work here."

"Also, when you're in the process of changing a tire and you have information that somebody wants, you're potentially exposed to kidnappers in a van. Don't ask me why they always use vans, they just do. So you want to keep your eyes and ears open, glance around every now and then, and keep your lug wrench within reach at all times." Jack held up the cross-shaped wrench that he used on the lug nuts.

"It has good heft and can do plenty of damage no matter what part of the wrench you hit the potential kidnappers with." Jack demonstrated proper attack form on Fosse, going slow so as not to hurt either of them. Fosse, for his part, reacted to the hit like a pro. You would really believe that he had just been hit really hard even though there was clearly no contact at all. "When in doubt, though, if you need some better distance, remember, the flat tire that you've just changed can be thrown. But if you need a quick escape, do NOT get in your car and drive off unless you finished tightening the lug nuts. That's a disaster waiting to happen."

As Fosse removed the car parts from the stage, Jack looked out into the audience.

"One of the toughest safety lessons I have to teach you is that throughout your life, friends of yours will end up being traitors. More than likely it'll just be something simple, like a friend steals five bucks or a lover cheats on you. But sometimes, they're actively working with your enemies to try to bring down Western Civilization. I have personally been betrayed like this over half a dozen times, by everyone from co-workers who I trusted with my life, to a former girlfriend, to another girlfriend's father who was the secretary of defense, so it can really come at you from any angle."

"Unfortunately, there are no hard and fast rules to protecting yourself from this. I suggest just being a little guarded around most people, never giving them state secrets, and always being ready to attack your girlfriend's psychotic sister."

Jack paused for a moment - as if he was remembering all the pain inflicted upon him by people that he trusted - before moving on.

"Now for something that I can give real tips on, let's talk real safety. Say you're in a firefight with a half dozen terrorists and you have a bag full of gear and backup won't be there for twenty minutes, even though traffic is unnaturally clear. The first safety tip is to wear a bulletproof vest. This isn't always possible, of course. Maybe you don't have access to that or maybe you just didn't have a chance to grab your kevlar vest. Then the best safety tip I can give is DON'T GET SHOT. Use the environment to your advantage, take cover behind objects, lay down cover fire before moving forward, and always make note of where your enemies are."

Jack pulled out a clear, orange squirt gun. "It also helps to be a very good shot, so if you're likely to end up in this situation, spend a lot of time preparing on a shooting range. This is important because if you can use your superior shooting skills to take out a hostile or two right away, that's fewer people you have shooting at you, fewer people you need to dodge fire from, and fewer people you have to shoot later. When possible, use two hands on your firearm and take careful aim." Jack shot at Fosse with a weak stream of water that if it were an actual gun would have nailed him in the head. "Move forward with deliberate speed, being careful not to step into any ambushes, and always keep another clip handy for when you need to reload. With any luck, you should finish up just before your backup arrives."

"Okay, that's it for the demonstrations. Are there any questions?"

My hands are freaking freezing. East Coast weather needs to stop being so spastic and just PICK SOMETHING. Warm, cold, whatever. Not both!

I ♥ my pretty sweaters that I get to wear when it's all cold and windy like this. Let us hope it lasts through next week! *kicks the heat*

Oh, totally. Give me the cold any day of the week but omg, this is how I get sick. Virginia goes from 90 degrees to 60 degrees in a 24 hour period and my body goes 'LULZ. U GET SICK NAU.'

You have jinxed me! My throat is already feeling sore - where's the whiskey!?

Jack Bauer's suggestion: shoot the germs.

*loves on Jack so freaking hard*

*would like the weather to get cold and stay cold*

*would also like snow*

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Safety Assembly [Auditorium, Friday]

Audience Mingling

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Welcome Jack Bauer!

Safety Lesson #1: Changing a Light Bulb

Safety Lesson #2: Changing a Tire

Safety Lesson #3: Traitors Among You

Safety Lesson #4: Firefight Safety

Q&A

OOC

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