fandomhigh | How to be a Comic Book Superhero (Monday, outside the Kwik Stop)

Jay and Silent Bob were bickering loudly as they lounged in front of the Kwik Stop.

"Look, Lunchbox, it says right fucking here that you're the sidekick and I'm the fucking hero! I'm Morris Day, you're the fucking Time!"

Bob shook his head emphatically, taking the magazine from Jay and shoving it at the nearest student. Ignoring Jay's repetitive and profanity-laced list of why Silent Bob (or Bluntman) was, according to the article, the sidekick in this dynamic duo, he turned to his ever-present whiteboard and wrote 'QUALITIES OF A GOOD SIDEKICK'.

Following the discussion, the whiteboard was cleared to provide that week's homework assignment.

'FIND AND TRAIN A SIDEKICK. May be useful in final class in two weeks.'

[[Major thanks to

the_merriest, who reminded me that today is, in fact, Monday. While the article talks about Jay and Silent Bob (they're number, like 34 or something), the Fandom version is about Bluntman and Chronic. Yes? Yes.

ETA: I forgot the homework assignment. Yes, sidekicks will be welcome in the final workshop, coordinate with whoever you recruit whether or not they would like to take part.

OCD up, play away!]]

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And in the back of the classroom a door may have opened and a man in a dark suit might be observing the class.

He may have conveniently missed the opening lecture.

And Jay may have sidled swiftly away from the nearest bit of jailbait. Tubby made a good human shield, right?

Dale crossed his arms and silently continued his surveillance of the class room.

Just to make sure that his "chat" with Jay from the other day had stuck.

He did have his mace with him in case Jay thought he was here to get fresh.

Rikku looked from the man in the suit to Jay and back again, her mischief senses tingling.

"Who are you?" she asked in a chirpy voice. "Are you supposed to help teach the class?" Maybe he was the real teacher. She kinda wondered about that.

"Dale Cooper," he replied keeping his eye on Jay. "Scoutmaster and Special Agent for the Fandom Police force."

"Oh," Rikku said quickly. "I didn't do it."

Dale turned to glance at Rikku. "I beg your pardon?"

"Nothing!" Rikku said with a quick wave of her hand. "Just a joke. So, uh, what are you here for?"

She tried to nonchalantly gather her stuff together, because if he said the word "Florida" she was gone. Hmmm, did she have any smoke bombs handy?

"Just making sure your instructor is behaving properly," Dale said returning his gaze back to Jay.

"Oooooooh." This sounded interesting, and like it wasn't about her at all. She set her stuff down and looked at Dale again. "What'd he do?"

"Well mostly he's a bad role model for a teacher," Dale replied not taking his eyes off Jay. "He's vulgar and appears to be interested in underage females."

"I know," she said softly. Oh, this could be good.

"S-some of the things he says, they ..." She bit her lip and tried for an innocent face. "No, I'm ... I'm sure I'm just misunderstanding him." There was a weak, almost hopeful smile to go with that.

She was so going to fail if she got her teacher arrested, right? ... Might be worth it anyway. How many people could say that, after all?

"Such as?" Dale asked as he raised an eyebrow.

Rikku sighed and looked down at her hands, trying to remember some of the worse pick-up lines that she and Jude had tossed around. Even some of the old Al Bhed ones, if they translated properly. Now, to do this with a straight face ...

"Look," she said with a wistful smile, "I'm ... I'm sure he was just joking. It's supposed to be funny, yeah? I ... I m-mean, he doesn't even have a mustache, so he can't be offering rides on it. And outfits totally don't look that great crumpled up on the floor."

A scary look crossed Dale's face. "Oh really?"

Rikku bit her lip, trying for a failed nonchalance sort of defeated attitude. "I'm ... not from this country, yeah? We ... probably have totally different, you know, traditions and all. I mean." She shrugged. "I th-think I told him that ... oh! He asked about where some place called Heaven was, when I left it? So I told him, you know, I'm from Spira. It's totally different, yeah?"

Oh, she was so dead once Jay got busted.

How to be a Comic Book Superhero (Monday, outside the Kwik Stop)

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