How to Be Awesome: Period 1, Week 3

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

Students would find the danger shop set up like a regular college lecture hall: horrid seats with attached desktops, podium, and video screen. They would also find Barney typically suited up.

"To begin, Jim Halpert has earned top marks for his radio broadcast. That was some amazing ass-kissing and well-worth the effort. People, you should follow in Jim's footsteps for he is well on his way up the awesome ladder." Barney grinned at Jim assuming he came to class, "Legendary broadcast, Jim! The rest of you: I look forward to watching you get denied on tape," Barney then informed the class that he would watch their videos as soon as he received the links tapes and provide feedback accordingly. He then began the lesson.

"This week we will focus on selecting and using an appropriate persona so as to more effectively pick up quality cutlets. Remember that you must always perform CSI before attempting to dot the i with your cutlet. If you fail to do so, you might end up with a Michelle Gutierrez and none of us wants that."

Barney clicked on the projector and a lovely table appeared on screen:

Just Say NO	Green Means Go
Student	International Businessman
Wizard	Spy (FBI/CIA/MI-5)
Computer...anything	Doctor/Veterinarian
Secretary	Pro Sports Agent
Clerk	Ornamental Glass Distributor

"Here are some workable and some heinous personas for you to practice on each other. Those who want to argue the Wizard line, remind me, how much ass did Barry Plodder get during his time in school?" Barney pretended to answer his cell phone, "What's that, Barry? None? K, thanks, bye!" He put away the phone, looked at his students, and continued. "Those of you who don't possess accents should attempt to adopt one for your role, as accents equal action," Barney then instructed students to partner up and begin the role playing activity.

"For homework, I encourage you all to talk to real live women by attending the 3 minute dating session at Caritas this weekend. Which reminds me, check it. New thing. The Lemon Law. On a blind date and realize whoever set you up with this uggo is truly not your friend? You're free to go. Walk into a coffee shop and spot a muffin top spilling all over the hottie you've been chatting with online? Walk away, my friend. Eject. Abort. Do not pass Go. The Lemon Law allows you to bail on any date in the first five minutes, no questions asked. Consider it a hall pass for dating.

"Hand out these cards to your friends."

Vocabulary Terms Defined:

Bon Mots - From the French, literally "the awesome words coined by Barney"

Dot the I - To close the deal with a cutlet you've been working.

Cutlet - A juicy, flavorful morsel one can enjoy with a glass of Merlot.

CSI - Crazy Scary Investigation. It's important to weed out the crazies and scaries before you investigate them further. Yeah.

Michelle Guiterrez - An unfortunate trait or habit that will bother you beyond endurance, rendering further contact with said cutlet impossible and turning up in your nightmares for weeks to follow. If said trait manifests itself within the first five minutes of an encounter one can, of course, invoke the Lemon Law.

Pullin' Chute - To abort a romantic initiation. The opposite of dotting the i.


[ooc: yes, I thieve from canon. Also, please to be linking Barney to all your most excellent pick up line adventures so he can comment accordingly. Wait for OCD is up! I am bored!]

Comments

Re: Partner Up!

[fat-halpert.livejournal.com]

Jim now knew that Canadians made male hookers hot. Good to know.

"You can keep that, eh," Jim said. "And think of me when you use it, okay?"

Re: Partner Up!

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

"Ahh, maaan!" Johnny let that slip before he remembered he was role-playing.

He stomped his foot, dropped the hanky, and then stomped on the hanky. He did the z-snap, hand to hip. "You no good 'nough for me hunny. I no use hanky - I use hanky wipe dirt from my shoe, sii-iii!"

Re: Partner Up!

[fat-halpert.livejournal.com]

"I thought you couldn't speak English, eh," Jim pointed out. Because pointing out inconsistent roleplaying was more important to him than achieving the exercise.

Re: Partner Up!

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

He shook his finger, "You mess me up so baaad, I know no what I say no more!"

Chinese American? Spanish American?

Johnny was confusing himself.

Re: Partner Up!

[fat-halpert.livejournal.com]

"What is that accent, anyway, eh?" Jim asked. "It's just aboot the most exotic accent I've ever heard."

Re: Partner Up!

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

"I know, right?" Johnny shuffled his hips from side to side again. He just didn't do accents. Obviously he didn't do the male stripper thing very well either.

"Make you want me, baaad, senor? You must pay!"

Re: Partner Up!

[fat-halpert.livejournal.com]

"I already gave you a hanky, what else do you want, eh?" Jim asked.

Re: Partner Up!

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

"This world no revolve 'round hanky, you Canadian hussy. I make living-" Johnny stomped his foot and shimmied his hands down his body, "-with this. You no pay, you no see."