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fandomhigh2007-07-19 06:50 am
suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2007-07-19 06:50 am
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How to Be Awesome: Period 1, Week 2
The danger room was set up as a movie theater. Barney strutted into the room wearing a three-button classic tan Versace suit with a purple shirt and silk tie.
"Students of awesome and lesbians! After hearing how pathetic the majority of you are in your experience with women, I have chosen to focus today's workshop on picking up chicks. Note that 'chicks' is plural. We are not looking for a relationship here, people." He eyed certain students when he said the word 'relationship.'
"Relationships, as defined by women, are EVIL. They are to be avoided at all costs. Keeping women in locationships and long-distance relationships while lying to them about what it all really means is one thing. Actually dating a girl exclusively is just plain wrong!
"First, you must keep in mind that women are like fish. Here is a handout describing the 24 ways for quick reference. Memorize this list, it will help you prepare for female interaction.
"Second, you must always have a line ready for picking up babes. You cannot make small talk or you'll never get laid. Pickup lines are hot and dirty - just like your horizontal interaction will be if you use the right line. Here is a video example of a really hot guy using the best pick-up line of all time. It was a legendary moment." Barney picked up a remote and played the video on the movie screen.
When it was over, he continued talking, grinning like a madman. "That's right, I'm the master. Here is a list of pick-up lines for you to try out here in class and then out in public."
The following list flashed onto the screen in front of the class:
1. Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
2. Baicarumba...are those real?
3. Be unique and different, just say yes.
4. Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.
5. Do you know karate? Cuz damn it honey, your body is really kicking.
6. Excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position.
7. Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
8. Greetings and salivations
9. Honey, I'm new in this town - dya think I could have directions to your house.
10. I hope you know CPR, cuz you took my breath away!
11. I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?
12. I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.
13. Screw me if I'm wrong, but haven't we met before?
14. That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.
15. Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.
Barney allowed students time to take notes before resuming. "You'll notice the TA, Andrew is passing around spy cams. These cameras are on loan people. That means they cost more than you're worth, so protect them with your lives. Your task today is an out of class activity. I want you to take a spy camera and find a chick, or a dude in Cedric's case, that you are NOT in a relationship with and attempt to pick them up using one of your newly learned pick-up lines. I want a good attempt people. Use your knowledge of women and fish to help you. You will turn in your assignments next week for my critique. Remember that you must SUIT UP for this activity, just as you suit up for class.
"Should you not understand how to use your spy cam, or have a stupid question, please talk to Andrew. If you have questions that are not stupid, come talk to me."
[OOC: For the out of class activity, please obtain OOC permission from the people you use your spy camera on before doing so. Of course, the activity is the only real interaction for class today as I have RL stuff going on! SP for me, but Andrew should be around! Pick up line list is not mine.Please wait for The OCD is up, enjoy!]
"Students of awesome and lesbians! After hearing how pathetic the majority of you are in your experience with women, I have chosen to focus today's workshop on picking up chicks. Note that 'chicks' is plural. We are not looking for a relationship here, people." He eyed certain students when he said the word 'relationship.'
"Relationships, as defined by women, are EVIL. They are to be avoided at all costs. Keeping women in locationships and long-distance relationships while lying to them about what it all really means is one thing. Actually dating a girl exclusively is just plain wrong!
"First, you must keep in mind that women are like fish. Here is a handout describing the 24 ways for quick reference. Memorize this list, it will help you prepare for female interaction.
"Second, you must always have a line ready for picking up babes. You cannot make small talk or you'll never get laid. Pickup lines are hot and dirty - just like your horizontal interaction will be if you use the right line. Here is a video example of a really hot guy using the best pick-up line of all time. It was a legendary moment." Barney picked up a remote and played the video on the movie screen.
When it was over, he continued talking, grinning like a madman. "That's right, I'm the master. Here is a list of pick-up lines for you to try out here in class and then out in public."
The following list flashed onto the screen in front of the class:
1. Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
2. Baicarumba...are those real?
3. Be unique and different, just say yes.
4. Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.
5. Do you know karate? Cuz damn it honey, your body is really kicking.
6. Excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position.
7. Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
8. Greetings and salivations
9. Honey, I'm new in this town - dya think I could have directions to your house.
10. I hope you know CPR, cuz you took my breath away!
11. I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?
12. I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.
13. Screw me if I'm wrong, but haven't we met before?
14. That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.
15. Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.
Barney allowed students time to take notes before resuming. "You'll notice the TA, Andrew is passing around spy cams. These cameras are on loan people. That means they cost more than you're worth, so protect them with your lives. Your task today is an out of class activity. I want you to take a spy camera and find a chick, or a dude in Cedric's case, that you are NOT in a relationship with and attempt to pick them up using one of your newly learned pick-up lines. I want a good attempt people. Use your knowledge of women and fish to help you. You will turn in your assignments next week for my critique. Remember that you must SUIT UP for this activity, just as you suit up for class.
"Should you not understand how to use your spy cam, or have a stupid question, please talk to Andrew. If you have questions that are not stupid, come talk to me."
[OOC: For the out of class activity, please obtain OOC permission from the people you use your spy camera on before doing so. Of course, the activity is the only real interaction for class today as I have RL stuff going on! SP for me, but Andrew should be around! Pick up line list is not mine.
Re: Talk to the TA!
Re: Talk to the TA!
"You look like you could pull off pretty much any of these," he added.
Re: Talk to the TA!
And a direct line to Caitlin.
Re: Talk to the TA!
Re: Talk to the TA!
Andrew probably heard the high-pitched "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" as soon as he said the words "designer suit".
He came back looking a little dazed. "Ralph Lauren?"
Re: Talk to the TA!
Re: Talk to the TA!
Re: Talk to the TA!
Re: Talk to the TA!
Re: Talk to the TA!
Re: Talk to the TA!
Re: Talk to the TA!
Re: Talk to the TA!