fandomhigh | How to Be Awesome: Period 1, Week 1

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how to be awesome

How to Be Awesome: Period 1, Week 1

[Workshop Roster]

When students gathered in the Danger Shop, they would notice it was set up much like the dressing room area of a large department store, except there were tables, chairs, and a podium. A drape covered an oblong object near the dressing room door. Barney stood at the podium, dressed in a Dolce & Gabbana green-grey pinstriped three-button suit with silk shirt and tie. His blonde hair was perfectly coiffed as he peered around the classroom. Barney noticed that his roster hadn’t lied about female students signing up for his class. Barney simply assumed they were lesbians, regardless of what Aly had told him.

"Listen up losers and lesbians!" Barney paced in front of the tables, shuddering as he noticed the manner in which the students were currently dressed. “Over the next several weeks, you will be enrolled in the most LEGEN- wait for it -DARY workshop to ever grace the halls of Fandom High. You will learn new concepts that you will need should you value your awesomeness and ever want to get laid.” Barney paused, looking pointedly at certain students.

"Today you will start your journey down the path to awesomeness. Our first roadblock is to rid you of your lemming-style jeans, t-shirts and,” Barney shuddered, “cargo pants. If you are to be taken seriously by women as a force to be reckoned with, you must SUIT UP!" With that, Barney grabbed the drape, dramatically uncovering a rack of expensive-looking suits in all shapes (yes, even female ones) and sizes. "These suits are yours to keep, and I expect you to suit up for every class this semester. If you don’t wear a suit to class, you will earn a special seat in detention. I promise you’ll be thanking me for this before the semester is over."

Barney waited for student reaction before continuing his version of a lecture. “Why should you wear a suit outside of class, you ask? That’s simple, people. Any man serious about the art of consistent layage needs to comprehend the following truism: Chicks love suits. Why? Because men look hot in suits. See Example A,” Barney gestured to his own incredibly hot, suit-clad body. “Wear your suit on a date and your date will be awesome, guaranteed.”

“Now lemmings, I want you to pick out a suit and put it on. There are trick suits on the suit rack. Your first challenge is to select a suit that will work for you. Then, I want each of you to introduce yourself, tell us why you’re in this workshop, and give your level of experience with women." Barney paused and looked around the room. "What are you waiting for? SUIT UP!”

[ooc: ~~Please wait for~~ OCD is up! Barney is providing all students with suits, so there should be no issues with students wearing them to workshops unless they want detention. When you sign in to future classes, simply tell about your suit or mention you are wearing one. Extra credit for suit icons, omg. If you are a girl and don’t want Barney to assume you are a lesbian, feel free to tell him so in the experience thread. Also, one line totally ~~stolen~~ borrowed from Barney's Blog.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

GOB last session, now this? Isabel put her face in her hands and whimpered.

"Did he just call us lesbians?"

"He did. Killing teachers is wrong though," she added immediately.

"What about wounding them?" Mel said looking at the suits with disappointment.

"It's a gray area."

Isabel thought about it for a minute. "I bet if I changed his suit into something lime green and polyester, that would hurt more then just beating the hell out of him."

"I'll give you a cookie," Mel offered. "And do I have to wear a rutting suit?"

"No cookies necessary. I'll do it with a smile," she laughed. "I think you do. Unless you want to spend the next seven Saturdays in detention."

Mel was seriously debating detention versus wearing a suit.

"Don't they have anything... I dunno. For me?" Mel said looking at the suits. "It's all so.. formal."

"That's only because Barney there is buttoned up like an uptight banker," Isabel assured her. "I can help you find something that works for you."

"Thanks," Mel said looking a tad relieved as she started poking through the suits. "So how are things with you?"

"Not bad. I've been keeping pretty busy just being social," she shrugged. "How do you feel about skirts?"

"No skirts," Mel said shaking her head. "If I have to kick the teacher in the head I'm not flashing the entire class at the same time. Anything going on with the guy-who-is-just-a-friend-but-could-be-more-if-he-offered-you-chocolate -sauce?

"Okay, slacks it is. Well just have to make sure they're cut so you can move." Isabel busied herself looking through a rack of said slacks. Funny how it kept her from looking at Mel. "We went to dinner last week. It was nice. If slightly frustrating." And damn that last part wasn't supposed to slip out.

"Frustrating?" Mel asked as she looked at one jacket and gagged before putting it back on the rack. "How so?"

"What do you think of this (http://www2.victoriassecret.com/images/tmblg/V262613_W180RGB.jpg)?" she asked, holding up a suit. "The pants are cut nicely. We went out. We had dinner, talked, laughed, and basically had a good time. Then he walked me back to my room and said goodnight."

Mel gave a look at the suit and shrugged. She took the jacket and tried it on as she checked herself out in the mirror. "What's so frustrating about that?"

"That's just it. He said goodnight. Then. He. Left." She's still frustrated by that. "I mean it's not that I wanted him to come in and spend the night or anything. But was it too much to ask for a simple kiss?"

"Maybe he's just clueless," Mel suggested as she looked at herself in the suit jacket.

And twitched.

"Next time? Just grab him and do it."

U don't have 2 be rich 2 be my girl
U don't have 2 be cool 2 rule my world
Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with
I just want your extra time and your . . . . . kiss

Mel sighed. "Or just have this soundtracky thing around next time you are near him."

"He's guy. I think that's to be expected." Isabel nodded as she watched Mel in the mirror. "That looks good on you. And I might have to. I just didn't want to scare him off."

After a moment's consideration about the music, Isabel shook her head. "I don't think so. My luck? It'll go right into Sexual Healing or something similar."

"Yeah, today may not be the best day to try the whole grab him and kiss him tactic," Mel agreed as she picked up the pants and wondering how they'd look with her combat boots.

"I bet we can find a nice top for you. Kind of traditional, but with a little kick. A bright color, or maybe a bit more daring neckline?" she suggested. "And shoes. Definitely some heels."

"And no, no grabbing and kissing today. But I'll keep it in mind for the future."

Mel at this point had stepped behind the rack of suits to change into her pants.

Upon hearing a certain word she did poke her head out from behind the rack with a look of "Hell No!" on her face.

"Heels?"

"Heels," Isabel repeated. "Think of them as a weapon. If you kick someone in the head with them? They're going to hurt. It's just more puncture then blunt force trauma."

"So since I've told you all about my decidedly boring lack of a love life, how's yours?"

"Can I just hold the heels and use them for combat that way?" Mel whined. "And you're forgetting I don't have a love life. There's no love. None. None whatsoever."

I don't know much... But I know I love you!

"SHUT UP!"

"No, you'll put them on your feet and suffer for a bit over an hour. Remember, it keeps your Saturday's free," she pointed out. "To possibly not have a love life."

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