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Conflict Management and Resolution: Mon Period 4 - Class # 7 - Feb 19

The Danger Room: Mid-Term Exam

Through the power of Fandom ~~handwavey~~ communication systems, Wilson’s Conflict Management students were informed that their mid-term would be held in the Danger Room today. As they all filed in, Wilson was standing there waiting for them. He was, blessedly, no longer wee and after an hour long scrub in the second bathroom at the house, he also no longer had jam in his hair.

These were good things as far as he was concerned, thankyouverymuch.

“Good morning.” He said, arms crossed as he leaned back against a wall.

“Well, despite this weekend’s shenanigans I already had the midterm set up and the program ready to run for today’s mid-term assignment so, I hope you’re all ready.”

Reaching down into his briefcase he pulled out a handful of manila envelopes.

“The Danger Room has been sectioned off to 18 sections; you will all have the same scenario, detailed out in these folders. Please do not open the folder until you have entered the room with your name on it. This exam is designed to test your understanding of everything we have gone over in class to this point. The way you answer it maybe not be the same as your neighbor. Any questions?”

Looking around at the group, Wilson waved them towards the sectioned off room and began to hand out the envelopes.

“Good luck guys.”

The Exam:

As the students entered their rooms they saw a small table with three chairs, two of the chairs were at either end of the table and one sat in the middle. A Red flag and a Blue flag sat in front of the two opposing chairs. When the students sat down and opened their envelope two little ~~Seusslike~~ creatures appeared in either chair. One dressed in red and one in blue.

The exam read as follows: Welcome to the The Cream Cheese Battle. Please meet the Yuuks in blue and the Zuuks in red. They are two societies locked in a cold war of such over whether to cream cheese the top slice or the bottom slice of a bagel. They are so divided about this subject that they have rapidly escalated the production of the dreaded ‘bitsy big boomeroo’ in anticipation of going to war.

To date all attempts at peaceful negotiation have failed as neither side will yield on their stance about the cream cheese. This is a matter of deep cultural integrity on both sides and both leaders are very proud of their heritage in cream cheese application. Your assignment is to find a way to mediate a cessation of the production of the ‘bitsy big boomeroo’ weapon being developed by both. To do this you will have to address not only the production of this weapon and the potential for mutally assured destruction but also the root cause of the tensions between the Yuuks and the Zuuks and will no doubt need to provide them with both a short term and a long term solution to their difference of opinions.

Good luck!

[ooc: OCDs are ~~on their way~~ up! Have a nice exam!]

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"I see," Lana said, nodding her head. "Now, forgive me if this is a simple question, but I am not familiar with the situation. Are the Yuuks or the Zuuks attempting to force their cream-cheese spreading ways on each other?"

The Zuuk representative blinked in confusion, and turned his head to look at Lana. "The Zuuk way is right, everyone knows. The bottom-slice way is a threat to Zuuks everywhere. We must stop the Yuuk threat and their wrong-spreading habits, before our children begin to spread their cream cheese the wrong way."

"The Yuuk way is right!" the Yuuk representative exclaimed. "The Zuuk way is wrong, and the Yuuks know this is true! We must stop their top-slice-spreading habits, to protect Yuuk children everywhere from learning wrong-sided ways."

Lana nodded. "And you have Yuuk teachers in Zuuk schools and vice versa?" she asked. "Which is why you are worried about this being passed on to the children?"

Again, the Zuuk blinked, and stared at Lana. "No, Zuuk children have Zuuk teachers and go to Zuuk schools."

The Yuuk representative nodded. "And Yuuk children have Yuuk teachers, and go to Yuuk schools. There are no Zuuks in the Yuuk children's classes. And no Yuuks in the Zuuk children's schools."

"So, unless the Zuuks or the Yuuks were - for some unknown reason - to teach their own children the wrong way to spread cream cheese, and I can't imagine that would happen, then there is no immediate danger to the children. Is that correct?" she asked.

Still, the Zuuk looked confused. "But...they are still there, spreading their cream cheese on the top. They will not change how they do it, to bottom-slice-spreading." He didn't sound quite as convinced with this argument as he had previously, however.

The Yuuk nodded again, agreeing with the Zuuk for an unprecedented second time. "And they are still there, with their backwards bagel ways. They will not change, and spread their cream cheese on the top." He also, however, seemed somewhat confused and uncertain.

"I understand that," Lana said. "But first I wanted to establish that the children were in no imminent danger, so that we could discuss this calmly. Knowing the children are not at risk means that we don't have to rush into this."

She tapped her pen on her pad of paper for a moment, considering. "It seems to me that neither side is interested in changing their cream cheese spreading ways. Is there some way we can work around that? Perhaps some strictures on where bagel spreading can be done so as to prevent impressionable people from seeing it?"

"We will eat our bagels where we like!" the Zuuk angrily replied. "We will eat them in our houses, or in the streets of our towns. We will eat them in parades, or in shopping malls, or the circus. We will eat them on rocketships and buggies and trains!"

The Yuuk took up the cry, standing up from his chair. "And we will eat our bagel in our homes, and our streets and our malls! And we will eat them in at foozleball games and at cookouts and in bars! And we will eat them on unicycles and dogsleds and transcontinental planes!"

Both the Zuuk and the Yuuk gave each other stubborn but curious looks, surprised at the agreement inherent in their argument.

"Well, we have a point of agreement," Lana said. "You know... if you were a different group of people, I might say that this was an excellent economic opportunity."

The Zuuk and the Yuuk looked at one another for the first time during the meeting, and then looked at Lana. Speaking in unison, they replied, "Economic opportunity?"

"Well, of course, this is nothing either of you would be interested in, I'm sure," Lana said thoughtfully. "But I did have this fleeting thought of bagel shops - Yuuk style bagels in Zuuk, Zuuk style bagels in Yuuk... You could probably make millions."

She smiled. "But I'm sorry. Way off track there. Anyway. As to these weapons of mass destruction... Perhaps someone could explain this to me?"

The Zuuk nodded his head, although he was looking a bit more pensive than before. "The bitsy big boomeroo is the greatest of Zuuk inventions. It is guaranteed to rid us of the top-slice-spreading Yuuks and their wrong-spreading ways."

The Yuuk looked indignant, and stuck his chin in the air. "Our bitsy big boomeroo is better than theirs. It will rid us of the bottom-slice spreading Zuuks and their wrong-spreading ways."

Lana nodded. "And the fallout on your own side? Such a powerful weapon is bound to have a good deal of that. How many of your own people will each bitsy big boomeroo kill? I just need to have the numbers for my paperwork here."

"No no!" the Zuuk replied, shaking his head. "We will fire ours over the wall, and only kill Yuuks."

"And we'll fire ours over the wall," responded the Yuuk, "And only kill Zuuks."

"Oh, pardon me," Lana said apologetically. "I was under the impression that these weapons were of a nuclear type in which case there's a very good chance of nuclear fallout drifting back over the wall, well, and actually contaminating the earth and water supply. This is not the case? And you have completely separate water supplies?"

The Zuuk blinked, and the Yuuk blinked, and they both looked at Lana and at each other. Neither seemed to know how to reply, and they sat there in silence, as if Lana's question was one that they hadn't even considered.

Lana blinked back at them. "I'm sorry," she said. "I just assumed that when two cultures are talking about mutually assured destruction that they understood that the destruction would be, well... mutual."

She looked at them curiously for a moment. "Unless... is this not what you want?"

"Of course we don't want to kill Zuuks," the Zuuk representative replied. "If the Yuuks would just change, and spread their cream cheese on top..."

"And we don't want to kill Yuuks," the Yuuk representative added. "If the Zuuks would just change, and spread their cream cheese on the bottom..."

Neither was nearly so adamant as he'd been to begin with.

"Oh dear," Lana said letting herself look slightly distressed. "So... neither side wants any of their own people to die, but wants to kill everyone on the other side unless they change, which they won't, which means that, well, everyone on both sides dies."

She looked at them terribly seriously. "I think we have a serious problem here. What we have right here with this scenario is a situation where everyone loses. No one wins and you all end up dead."

She bit her lip and looked at them pleadingly. "All those poor little Yuuk and Zuuk children. Dead. I can barely stand to think of it. Isn't there some way we could find a compromise?"

The Zuuk representative got tears in his eyes, and the Yuuk representative got tears in his eyes. Both shook their heads at the thought of little dead Zuuk children and little dead Yuuk children, and then nodded solemnly.

"We don't want to kill little Zuuk children, or little Yuuk children," they answered in unison. "How do we compromise?"

Lana smiled. And ~~handwavily~~ helped them come to a compromise for both long and short term solutions that both sides could live with.

The Zuuks and Yuuks were very satisfied with the new arrangement, and promptly planned a celebration for both Yuuks and Zuuks, where they could spread their cream cheese on both the top and the bottom.

Lana sighed happily and shook hands with both of the representatives before leaving the room.

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Conflict Management and Resolution: Mon Period 4 - Class # 7 - Feb 19

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