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The Best Medicine: Humor - Period 6 in the Danger Room - Final Class

At some point in the night Wilson's humor students had received ~~handwavey~~ instructions to meet him down in the Danger Room for their final.

When they had all congregated Wilson carefully worked through the program he had ~~handwavilly~~ worked up and been shown how to present in the room.

"All right guys. It's time for your final. What I have in store for you today is much like your midterm only new and improved. I have programed in audiences for each of you, assigned randomly. You will be graded on how well you read your audience and the types of humor you choose to use to make them laugh and interact with you. So, if you all will take your seats, we'll get started."

[ooc: OCDs for each student ~~will be coming~~ are up! Handwavey is of course understood and fine but thought I am being dragged ~~kicking and screaming~~ to a corporate luncheon from 11:30-2:00 I will otherwise be around to laugh or jeer as need be. :)]

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Last time...*wibble!*

Peter Griffin

Conner McKnight

V. Cally.

Greg Sanders

Pippi Longstocking

Lana Lang

When Pippi moved up to the stage, the room morphed from an auditorium to what looked to be a rough and ready sea side bar. A channel marker could be heard tolling in the background and somewhere a foghorn wailed.

Her audience was a group of rough and tumble sailors, grizzled by years spent on the sea and barrels of ~~rum~~ cheap whiskey. They all looked at her with suspicious blinks and a couple of them quickly tried to straighten themselves up to be all proper in the pressence of a lady.

"Ahoy ye scervy scally-wags. Ye can keep drinking if ya like while I attempt to entertain ya, but please, keep the fights to a low roar. I'm annoying... But it's free! Ye can't argue with a value like that!"

For a moment there was a stunned silence as the men wrapped their brains around the idea of a pretty young lass speaking their language.

Then there were bawdy cheers of encouragement and calls for her to continue and flagon after flagon of whatever it was the men were drinking were sent up to the stage.

Pippi drained a flagon or two and began to tell a joke.

"Y'all have heard no doubt of Anne Bonny and Marry Reed, and how they sailed with Calico Jack Rackam? One day the look out called that they were being pursued by a Navy ship. Jack were down in the Captain's Quarters with Anne and Marry because... Well... Wouldn't you be?"

More rough laughter spilled through out the 'tavern' and Wilson covered his mouth with his hand to try to stem his own chuckles.

Ahyep, Pippi had definitely gotten the right read on her audience and was drawing them right along with her.

"Down below... In his cabin that is."

*wink wink*

"Jack heard the lookout's warning. 'Girls!' he said to Anne and Mary, 'Get me red shirt from the sea chest and a weetiny bit o' loose gun powder!' Anne got the shirt and ask Jack why he wanted it. 'Ah, in case I'm wounded ya see, if I'm bleeding it'll blend in with me shirt. That way, our men won't see I'm wounded and they won't get discouraged!' And Mary brought the powder, which Jack mixed with some water and smeared it on his face, giving himself a light coat of grime. Mary asked him why he did that, and Jack said, 'If I'm very badly wounded, my face will go pale, and the men will be discouraged. But with this bit 'o grime on me face, they won't be able to tell, and so they won't lose heart!'"

Pippi paused to chug down another flaggon

Oh yes, indeed did Pippi have the crowd at her beck and call, the normally noisy tavern quiet as a graveyard as the sailors waited for her to continue.

Even Stumpy and One-eye weren't fighting for once...which some might mark as a sign that Hell had overtaken Heaven.

"So up the stairs they went, brandishing their cutlasses and pistols, until that is, they got up to the deck, and saw that all the Governors of all the Bahamas had each sent a ship out to find Jack's ship, The Revenge, and at just that moment, the lot of them were baring down on 'em from all sides.

So Jack turns to the girls and says..."

Pippi stooped a little, taking on the character of Jack, and said in a rather convincing male voice,

"Bring me my brown pants."

....

The Tavern exploded in gauffs of laughter and riotious slapping of hands against tables and given the number of flagons that came up towards Pippi...-which Wilson quickly made sure were JUST water- they sailors were very well pleased indeed!

Pippi is totally disappointed at the water...

Oh well, she had a bottle of rum in her room

As Cally took the stage, the room once again morphed this time taking on the form of a multi-car garage. Mechanics were milling about working on various vehicles, tossing rude -but not vulgar!- comments back and forth as they worked.

Cally was set up on a 'lift' as her stage and gradually the mechanics became aware of her pressence. Some of them paused in what they were doing to look at her while others continued to work the loud ratchet guns.

Cally might have had her work cut out for her!

Cally frowned for a second. Then, over the din, she shouted "Hey, stop for a minute, frakkers!"

She then launched into a routine about a guy completely failing to service his engine properly, and her having to fix his car. The routine ends with the guy trying to ask her on a date, and she ends with a punchline referring to the fact that if the guy can't treat an engine right, no way he can treat a woman properly. And then she charged him double for the parts.

Cally's joke got a lot of gauffing and some elbowing as some of the guys tormented their fellow employees by asking if that was them she was talking about.

There might have been a wee shoving match as a result and a bunch of the guys looked back to Cally to continue!

Cally thought for a second for another appropriate joke.

She flailed a little, then told a joke about three mechanics walking into a bar, wherein the punchline was "And then they all misaligned their mufflers".

...it wasn't a very good joke.

The group sort of looked at each other as if trying to decide if the joke hadn't been that good or if they were somehow missing something...

Cally eeped a little, and launched into a joke that was really, really dirty.

Or possibly simply actually about jamming a gauge three wrench in well oiled exhaust vent.

When it was John's turn, the room morphed again throwing him ~~not!literally~~ into a smokey bar/club scene. He was on a normal stage with a mic, a stool and a glass of water and if he looked out across the crowd he'd notice that most of them were in scrubs or labcoats.

Doctors, nurses, residents all kicked back and talking at a low buzz about their day in a hospital. He might need to work a bit to catch their attention.

Peter's stage set up took the apperance of a Las Vegas show stage. Behind him stood a row of dancing girls, complete with huge feathers and skimpy outfits. Out in the audience, the crowd was a wild group of....wait for it... bachelorette parties, the young women whooping it up and cheering for Peter to entertain them.

....

Yes, it's possible that Wilson was testing Peter's ability to focus.

Peter gulped when he saw who his audience was. He tried not to stare but he could help it. There were so many boobies!

"Um...h-hello I'm Peter...Peter..." Peter slapped a palm on his forehead and tried to remember his own last name. "German? No! Griffin! I'm Peter Griffin."

He then *handwavily* went into an act containing mainly jokes about how men were stupid. Though towards the end he started taking on a girly-like voice and referring to himself as "Beverly".

Peter, despite the early boobie checking out, was a hit and some of the women might have gone so far as to wave dollar bills at him...but Wilson quickly adjusted the dial and they just went back to cheering for him...sans the dollar bills.

Lana found herself standing on a makeshift little auditorium in and old folks home. The room that was built for her, obviously a make shift common room, where the residents sat at the same tables they would use for meals. Some played checkers and chess and others played card games and Scrabble. They all looked to be in their 80s-90s.

Lana's challenge was going to be to catch and hold their attention, so she was definitely going to need to figure out her audience sooner rather than later.

Lana smiled warmly. This was a scenario she was fairly comfortable with. Not so much the telling jokes part, but she'd spent a lot of time volunteering in Smallville's nursing homes. She started off with a warm welcoming smile, then told some anecdotes about kids and grandkids, sprinkling those with humorous stories about miscommunication between generations. She tried to find a nice mix of funny and touching, knowing that the residents would enjoy that combination.

It was a combination that worked a pip and Lana soon had the whole group focused on her with pleased smiles and soft but happy laughs.

For Conner's scenario, Wilson had set up a scenario in a high school. Conner found himself on your typical high school stage, facing an auditorium full of restless kids who wanted to be anywhere but where they were.

Good luck Conner...that's all we can say.

Okay, so Conner was used to being in the spotlight in front of a bunch of high school kids. So to speak, anyway -- he preferred his stage to be about 110 yards long and 70 yards wide, covered with grass and with a goal net on each end.

He stared out at the auditorium.

"Uhhhhhhhhhh . . ."

Rustle rustle...as restless teenagers shifted in their chairs and some mumbling amongst the crowd.

Wilson watched Conner closely as the young man seemed in danger of loosing his audience completely.

Greg, found himself on the beach. The sun had just set and a huge bonfire was burning in a sandpit. College aged students sat around the bonfire toasting marshmellows and drinking beverages that you simply couldn't tell what they might be.

Everybody was turned and looking up at Greg, waiting for him to entertain them.

"So..." Greg started hesitantly. "A guy walked into a bar. Ouch."

Okay, even he knew that was stupid.

Errr...do they have crickets at the beach?

Maybe not so there were no cricket chirps. However you could hear a marshmellow exploding somewhere in the fire.

*Meeps!*

Group hug for an absolutely awesome group of students. Thank you guys so much for such a fun class!!

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The Best Medicine: Humor - Period 6 in the Danger Room - Final Class

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