fandomhigh | Biology, 11/21, Period 3

Three large, plastic-wrapped fowl -- and one smaller bundle -- sat on lab tables, and a variety of knives, scalpels and other tools were arranged around them. Elliot appears slightly manic as she greets the class.

"Hey everyone, I know today is supposed to be ecology but that's kind of boring and it's two days before Thanksgiving so I know none of you are paying attention anyhow and we haven't done any dissection yet and we only have a few classes left, soooo we are going to dissect turkeys. Butterball turkeys." She thumped on the one closest to her, which might not have been as thawed as it could be and resounded with a dull thud, for emphasis.

"You would not believe how hard it is to find specific guidelines on dissecting turkeys, but here's a general outline on bird dissections and here's background information about the turkey. One big difference with these from your average dissection will be that the innards will be in a little wax bag, which is really cool but not exactly how it is in most animals. You should find a heart, a liver, the neck and 'gizzards,' whatever those are, in there. You want to look at the bird's bone and muscle structure and how the organs would serve their purpose. Oh, and obviously, these don't have any heads, but I figure you can live without looking at turkey brains."

"No cooking the turkey over Bunsen burners and eating it, unless you want to make enough for the whole class, but, really, it's not that yummy. And if you have ethical problems with dissection, we have a tofurky for you. Which probably will not teach you much about biology except biology of the soybean, but it's a chance to play with knives. You'll be working in groups of three to five, depending on how many of you opt for the vegetarian choice; I'll let you pick your own partners today."

"Any questions?"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"It could be worse. You could have to put your hand inside an alive turkey," Peter said. "And its organs probably wouldn't be so neatly bagged. Hopefully."

Isabel laughed. "I think the turkey might have something to say about that. And I'd be very afraid if everything was neatly bagged."

"I agree. I think the turkey would say 'gobble gobble gobble!'" Peter said.

"I'm thinking he'd be a bit pissed and would try to peck at my hand."

"And say 'gobble gobble gobble!'" Peter said. "Really, this is the best way of doing this thing. The best - but slightly bizarre - way."

"In other words, the Fandom way."

"Pretty much, yes," Peter said.

"So we shouldn't be surprised if the cooked turkey actually gets up off the table and walks over to watch football on Thursday afternoon should we?" Isabel wondered.

"We shouldn't be surprised if the cooked turkey starts playing football on Thursday afternoon," Peter said.

"He might actually do well. He's low to the ground, he could just dodge through peoples' legs," Isabel said.

"That doesn't help if he's the quarterback," Peter said. "Or defense."

"Well we do have to be realistic here. Unless he's Birdzilla, he's really only cut out for offense."

"And if he were Birdzilla, he could feed the entire town," Peter said. "If he weren't too busy playing football."

Biology, 11/21, Period 3

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