fandomhigh | Heroism, Humanism & Hijinks: Literature in Action

Dummies' Guide to Alice in Wonderland

"Good afternoon," Thursday greeted from the front of the class. Behind her, as she spoke, a cat started to appear out of nowhere - grin first. "First of all, you should all know that Hamlet Dane is now the TA for this class. This week we're discussing Alice in Wonderland. Those of you from 20th century Earth would at least know it by reputation."

"I have a reputation?" the appearing cat said.

Thursday stepped aside and looked back. "Apparently," she replied. "As promised, we have a guest in our class today. This is the Unitary Authority of Warrington Cat, or the Cat Formerly Known As Cheshire. You would know him from the novel as the Cheshire Cat."

The Cat looked around the room with eyes that just appeared into view. "Does anyone have any Mogglicious cat food?"

Thursday continued without waiting for anyone to answer him. "The Cat is here to prove a point. Last week we discussed the power of words. Today's topic is how words can be used to confuse. Each of you are free to ask the Cat any questions. He will answer as he pleases."

"What if I please not to answer at all?"

"No Mogglicious."

The Cat appeared into full view. "Shall we begin?" he asked with a grin.

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"I don't change. You must have cat blindness."

"So you remain unchanged, and the affect is all on the observer's side?"

"I'm like a grapefruit," the Cat replied.

"No, you're like a cat."

"I can't be like a cat."

"You're a lot more like a cat than a grapefruit."

"No I'm not. Being like something means you're not that thing. I can't be like a cat because I am a cat. I can be like a grapefruit because I'm not a grapefruit."

"The domestic cat, Felis silvestris catus cannot talk, as they do not possess voice boxes," Zack pointed out. "You, conversely, can talk, hence you are not a member of Felis silvestris catus, and are not a cat but cat-like instead."

"Oh they can talk," he said, flicking his tail in annoyance. "But they don't speak English. I wouldn't expect you to understand them."

"But they can't speak English, like you are."

"I'm not a domestic cat," the Cat replied. "I'm a Cheshire cat. Cheshire cats can talk."

"I thought you were a Unitary Authority of Warrington Cat?"

The Cat sighed. "A mere technicality. They moved the county boundaries. Biologically, historically and felinologically, I am a Cheshire cat. What kind of cat are you?"