fandomhigh | US Government (Wednesday, Sept. 20, 4th period)

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US Government (Wednesday, Sept. 20, 4th period)

Josh was practically bouncing up and down in his chair. Drinking Caf-Pow had not been a fantastically brilliant idea. Josh's rapid-fire approach to talking was bordering on the completely incomprehensible.

"Today we'll actually start talking about the American part of American government." He pointed to the board. "As most of you know, the Americas were discovered by Columbus...well by a bunch of other people first, and then Columbus, and Columbus was still convinced he had found India because Columbus was a moron, my rant about this is way more US History than US government so we'll just move on." He didn't even stop for breath. "So Columbus found a couple of continents, and soon all the major European powers were over here searching for gold and oppressing the indigenous population, as you do.

"The English arrived in the 1600s--about a hundred years late to the party--but they made a huge impact on this country. The English colonies were different because you didn't have to be English to live there--you could be from anywhere and if you were in an English colony, and admittedly, were a white guy, you were granted the same rights and privileges as an Englishman living back in England."

"The 13 colonies in North America had a pretty decent relationship with England. But they had been colonies for 150 years, and that's important to remember. Generations had grown up in America and were developing their own culture, and wanted their voice to be heard in decision making. England? Not so interested in that." Josh began pacing around the room.

"Things came to a boiling point when England instituted a series of taxes on the colonies to help pay off the debt for the French and Indian Wars. Without asking the colonists' opinion on the matter, or really caring that their response was, to paraphrase, 'aw, hell no.' The tax on paper--the Stamp Act, passed in 1765--pissed people off because before there was TV, the only way to get news circulated was on paper, and the colonists were huge into letter-writing, pamphlet making, and newspapers. But the Tea Act in 1773 was the last straw. The colonists came up with the super-spiffy chanty motto 'no taxation without representation'--something you'll see on license plates from Washington DC, which is a conversation for another time--and threw all of the tea that was supposed to be taxed into Boston Harbor."

Josh looked up. "This was called the Boston Tea Party because we have a sense of humor about things sometimes. The British, as you might imagine, didn't react with laughter. They closed Boston Harbor, clamped down on the Massachusetts government, and pretty much led directly to the battles of Lexington and Concord that started the Revolutionary War."

He reached onto his desk and picked up a copy of the Declaration of Independence. "Which leads us to perhaps the best written 'screw you and the horse you rode in on' document in the history of this planet. The Founders of this country wanted to make it perfectly clear to the world why they were severing ties with England. So they listed the many, many, many things that England, its parliament and its king had done wrong."

He held the paper in front of him. "But the part that has stuck with us is the 35 words in the second paragraph." He cleared his throat. "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness."

He put the Declaration down. "This section was cribbed from John Locke--on of the guys we talked about last class--but he said we had inalienable rights to property, rather than happiness. We won't get into the definition of 'men' in that sentence, or if we think that the United States has lived up to that ideal, or if 'pursuit of Happiness' is legally binding." He sighed. "Though I do give you permission here and now to smack any crazy person who writes a letter to the editor declaring pursuit of happiness a constitutionally granted right. It's not in the Constitution, and they should learn to read."

He passed out copies of the Declaration of Independence. "Okay. I want you to go through the list of grievances that the colonies had with England and tell me the one that would make you the most cranky. Next week we're going to have a very exciting quiz on everything you've learned up until now."

Josh perched on his desk and waited for the first student to comment.