"This," he said, waving the LED flashlight, "is a nifty tool that all head-damage-y geniuses need. It's a tapemeasure," he pulls out the double 3 feet/1 meter Standard/Metric tape measure, "that measures things up to 3 feet, and," he said, pressing the button that activated the LED, "it lights up. Seeeee? Shiiiiiiiny."

John should really not torment the person who determines his grades AND signs his paychecks, but... it's JOhn.