fandomhigh | ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes; Friday, First Period [07/08].

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terrible food

ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes; Friday, First Period [07/08].

"Hello, everyone!" Summer greeted the class with a level of brightness that should probably be considered slightly unhinged given the current circumstances. "And welcome to the class that is a direct result of no one appreciating my sense of humor and quite possibly the worst way to start your day. That's right, we're talking about actually ancient food crimes, stuff from, like, way, way back, because apparently? Some of you are super into that."

Which was one way to put it, sure. But the fact that people kept signing up for this shit was also some pretty good proof positive.

"That said," she added, "for those of you who have been in my previous food classes, this is definitely going to go way beyond putting fish in desserts and spam in jello. Some of this stuff is really gnarly and probably considered pretty taboo to more modern sensibilities. We're not, like, going to go full cannibal with it or anything,"--(sorry, Hannibal!)--, "but some of this stuff might make some people a little...squeamish. A little uncomfortable. So please know that actually trying the dishes is entirely optional, especially if you have any certain conditions,"--(Liz)--, "allergies or dietary restrictions that prevent you from eating certain things. Wanting to nope out for the day is also completely valid. After all, there are very good reasons why these are ancient food crimes that have been lost to the annals of history. Because they're mostly disgusting and terrible and we've all moved on.

"I do want to start with introductions, though," she continued, "if only because it helps us ease into it, and even though I already know....most of you," --(hello, Eddie, where have you been hiding?)--"I'd still like to get a good idea on what you're hoping to get from this class and if there's anything in particular you might like to see, either specifically or broadly speaking, as the weeks go on. I do have ideas, and almost too many of them, but I'm always open to new ones, especially if you've got some truly heinous experiences.

"So, we'll do that, and then it's time to explore what I've got in store for you today and we'll discuss the criminal nature of it, whether it deserves to be vilified, and whatever else we want to contribute to the discussion. I'll go first."

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Getting prepared for what's in store for you over the next seven weeks.

Are you starting to feel the crushing weight of regret in everything you've done in your life thus far to lead you up to this point?

Or are you actually super into it?

No judgement here!

Maybe a little judgement.

Which is pretty rich, coming from the woman actually doing this.

"So," said Summer, jumping off of her opening into the introductions, conveniently handwaving any potential interruption that may have occurred in previous threads, "my name is Summer. Summer Smith. And I have been exploring some of the...finer nuances of...ecclectic cuisine for a while now. I work mostly in gelatin, but, of course, there's a wide range of interesting foods out there in the multiverse that it's just absurd to limit yourself to just one schtick. It helps keep it fresh and interesting, I think, and the fact that no one seems to be entirely sick of the jello thing by now is proof positive of that. So anyway, I'm from Earth, different dimension, obviously, but modern time, my favorite color is pink, and I have a cat named Pancakes, which I now suddenly feel is a very weird thing to mention in the context of this class. So let's move on!

"Who wants to go next? Name, your interest in the class, anything you might like to see or be interested in in general, or whatever else you'd like to share with the class before things start to get weird."

Edited 2022-07-08 11:07 (UTC)

"So we're going to keep it pretty simple and straightforward today with just one dish, and it's a dish I know some of you are familiar with," she nodded to Gray, to Hannibal ~~assuming they were there~~, "because you brought it up last session and pretty much are now the whole reason for the direction of this session, so if you want to know who to blame...."

Summer. You should absolutely blame Summer, but she had good throwing arms for when buses came nearby.

She lifted the cloche to reveal the dish.

"This," she declared, "is casu martzu, or, as we can colloquially call it, cheese with maggots. Basically, what you do with this is you take a perfectly fine wheel of pecorino cheese and leave it outside with part of the rind removed so that cheese flies can get in there and lay all their eggs. The eggs hatch and the ensuing larvae then eat their way through some of the cheese, and the acids in their digestive system starts to break down the fats in the cheese, which makes the cheese very soft, and, according to ancient Sardinians, quite delectable.

"Cool fact: if the maggots inside the cheese have died, the cheese is considered unfit for consumption. Those babies gotta be alive and well and still wriggling, bay-bee. Exceptions are made in the modern era if the cheese has been refrigerated, though, so we do have some in the fridge without live maggots if that's more your palate. Traditionally, the cheese is eaten by cutting it into thin slices and serving it on some moistened Sardinian flatbread called pane carasau. When you put your cheese on the bread, though, you'll want to put a hand over it, because the maggots are likely to disperse and try to jump out of the cheese. And if you want to try the cheese but definitely want to avoid the maggots, the recommended method is to just put the cheese in a sealed paper bag, depriving the maggots of oxygen, so they writhe and wriggle their way out of the cheese and then, you know, die."

Look, she warned y'all that some of this was gonna get weird.

"Also, it's highly illegal in most places and it's been considered by the Guinesss Book of World Records as the World's Most Dangerous cheeses! So I hope the clinic has got plenty of stomach pumps on hand! So, guys, that's it! Dig in, if you dare, and let's discuss this particular ancient food crime....which, you know, is also a definitely current food crime, legally speaking, and share some thoughts."

For the record, Summer herself is not touching this one.

Which again, is rich for a woman who put bugs in jello with alcohol a few weeks ago.

ALWAYS RELEVANT SUMMER GIF IS ALWAYS RELEVANT:

Liz Sherman

“Um … I’m Liz Sherman,” Liz offered a bit nervously since maybe she had started to realise that this class might not be such a good thing for her, “um …I well … I can’t eat certain foods because well …” a hand instinctively went to her stomach, “er I’m pregnant?” she stammered, wincing a bit when it sounded more like a question than a statement, “I mean, I’m pregnant,” she paused, “I’m still interested in seeing what recipes there are though, even if I can’t eat most of them,” she admitted.

Yeah, no, Summer was not going to be held responsible for that baby getting fucked up because you decided to eat cheese maggots, Liz.

So excuse her if she was giving you such a dubious look right now and an almost bewildered shake of her head as she just said, "God, I really hope this doesn't just, like, end up giving you the worst pregnancy cravings imaginable..."

"Vi." She shrugged. "Ink must've smeared when I signed up for Cupcakes after."

Look, she wasn't being actively hostile, so already it was better than the last class of Summer's she'd taken.

Billy Coen

Shane Gooseman

“Shane Gooseman, Goose,” Goose grinned when it was his turn, “I still want to see if there’s a food out there that I won’t eat, I think this class will help me find that,”

Goose really shouldn't sound so enthusiastic about that prospect.

That little ink smear had certain come as an interesting surprise on the roster for Summer, too.

And she didn't know if she was more angry or just confused that Vi, even after everything in that last class still showed up.

"Yeah, you're definitely much better off with cupcakes," she said, and, really, that was just being honest! On, like, so many levels.

"So some ancient rich person really didn't want to admit they got scammed buying cheese, did they," Vi asked as she shoved a piece of the cheese in a bag and tightly rolled up the opening, because just because no, she wasn't dumb or desperate enough to eat the cheese with the maggots still in it. "Oh, no, those are meant to be there, it's a delicacy."

"I'm honestly not sure such a thing even exists," said Summer, ignoring a certain tickle in the back of her brain that was now...slightly curious, but she'd already declared they would not be crossing that bridge in this class, "but I guess there's only one way to find out."

"I'm Billy Coen" Billy said when it was his turn. "I admittedly didn't sign up for this class, though it appears someone did so on my behalf." Here he paused for a moment because he really had no idea who had done so.

"And I don't really have any serious food aversions or anything. So, guess that is a good thing for you then Summer." Just be glad he wasn't raised in a strictly practicing family, Summer. Trying to keep a class like this kosher might just be more challenging than it was worth!

So many.

"Yeah, well, here we are anyway." Sadly, Vi was far too stubborn to consider whether not turning up to class was a good idea.

Guillermo de la Cruz

"Actually," Summer offered, "most sources suggest it was the opposite. That's probably why it stuck around well past the point where it was necessary, but it became kind of a staple for people who really couldn't afford to just throw out cheese just because it got a few maggots in it first."

There was a slight, hesitant pause.

"Good protein in maggots, too," she pointed out.

“I’m Guillermo de la Cruz,” Guillermo said with his normal awkward wave when it was his turn, “I do enjoy eating a lot of food and learning about the history of food as well,” he paused, “and I thought this class would be fun way to do both,” even if some of the recipes sounded like they’d be a bit too adventurous for him.

"In our totally voluntary, attendance not required summer workshops," Summer agreed, just to put that out there, in case Vi had just forgotten and wasn't just being weird about it still.

Liz knew that pregnancy cravings were a possibility but so far she hadn’t experienced any, “well hopefully it won’t make me want to eat anything to weird?” she tried, grimacing a bit at the thought, “maybe it will be something normal like … I’ll suddenly want to start eating vanilla ice cream?”

She would still end up crying every single time she ate it though.

His thoughts were Disgusting and No. Billy pushed away the bit in front of him.

"Hard pass for me on this one. I wasn't even that desperate when I was four days into a hike through the jungles during a mission."

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Page 1 of 3

ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes; Friday, First Period [07/08].

Sign In - ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes, 07/08.

Listen to the Lecture - ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes, 07/08.

Introductions - ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes, 07/08.

Eat Food and Discuss! - ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes, 07/08.

Talk to the Teacher - ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes, 07/08.

OOC - ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes, 07/08.

Re: Sign In - ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes, 07/08.

Re: Sign In - ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes, 07/08.

Re: Introductions - ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes, 07/08.

Re: Introductions - ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes, 07/08.

Re: Introductions - ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes, 07/08.

Re: Sign In - ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes, 07/08.

Re: Sign In - ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes, 07/08.

Re: Introductions - ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes, 07/08.

Re: Introductions - ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes, 07/08.

Re: Eat Food and Discuss! - ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes, 07/08.

Re: Introductions - ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes, 07/08.

Re: Introductions - ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes, 07/08.

Re: Introductions - ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes, 07/08.

Re: Sign In - ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes, 07/08.

Re: Eat Food and Discuss! - ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes, 07/08.

Re: Introductions - ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes, 07/08.

Re: Introductions - ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes, 07/08.

Re: Introductions - ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes, 07/08.

Re: Eat Food and Discuss! - ACTUAL Ancient Food Crimes, 07/08.