fandomhigh | Ancient Food Crimes; Friday, First Period [06/10].

"You know," said Summer, shaking her head a little as she stood in front of the class with three new shiny cloches on the counter to better reveal the mind-boggling retro concoctions she'd be subjecting them all to today, "sometimes, I think I've definitely got a direction I'd like to take the class when we get there at the beginning of the week, and then, usually at the very last minute, I stumble across something so ridiculousamazing that I have to reroute that shit like a GPS. These ones aren't even gross, and the only crime I would levy against them is excess and being stupendously extra, but, of course, I just couldn't not share them with you all.

"Because, y'all....I've got a goddamn Fruit Salad Treasure Chest."

She lifted the cloche to reveal said treasure chest in all its pineapple and mayonnaise-"gilded" glory.

"I mean," said Summer. "Just look at it. It is so dumb, and I love it, and I had to share it. And, naturally, in the spirit of making a pineapple look like something it's not, I thought we'd discuss the classic making-something-look-like-a-pineapple example of the liver sausage pineapple. And of course, to finish us out, because all good things come in threes, I'd like you all to meet Frankie Doodle Dandy, one of many attempts to make meals more fun for kids that wind up pretty much probably just being nightmare fuel. There were a lot of options in that category to choose from that I might use another class to focus on it, but there's just something about Frankie here that feels particularly....visceral that I just couldn't pass up.

"Anyway, there's plenty here to enjoy, so come on up, give some of it a try, and we'll continue on our ultimate quest as to whether they were onto something here or if it's definitely time to give the past a lifetime sentence for..."

She looked back, at the liver pineapple in particular. "This."

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Like you're trying to be something else.

Which, as usual, definitely involves a little run-down of the recipes themselves with colorful commentary at the very interesting choices that are being made.

Honestly, the real question here is whether or not the treasure chest and the hot dog man not even being all that weird really makes up for Summer having dredged that liver sausage pineapple out yet again.

But, look, some things really were just classic!

Is she already thinking of a way to incorporate a pineapple treasure chest with jello shots some day?

Yes. Duh. Obviously she was.

I 100% had a different plan for this class, but then THAT TREASURE CHEST HIT and I'm in love?

Stark

"I've seen that before," Stark said, looking at the liver sausage abomination. "I tasted it last time. I'll try the fruit. And the hot dog."

Liz Sherman

Liz tried to eat the options this week, she really did but she decided to have a go at eating the liver sausage pineapple and as soon as she took a mouthful she went very pale as a wave of nausea hit her.

"Umm..."

At least she didn't look like she was about to burst into tears this week, of course this week it looked like trying not to throw up was going to be her concern.

Shane Gooseman

Goose was absolutely trying everything, like that was really a surprise at this point and in particular he definitely went for the liver sausage pineapple.

"Ooh, this is incredible," he grinned and then paused, "do you think this is something Ignis would like?"

Sorry Ignis.

Steve Rogers

Steve took one look at the poor little hot dog man and caught a case of the giggles that he couldn't break out of.

Llewellyn Watts

"Okay," said Summer, because she couldn't help herself, "but now you have to eat him."

Steve kept laughing. "That poor fella."

Gray

Gray pointed at the liver sausage pineapple and said simply, "No."

After a beat, he pulled out his phone and said, "I gotta take a picture though, this is for sure gonna make Ray cry. Also the hot dog man makes me feel vaguely like I'm seeing something that should not be seen. I dunno."

"I don't think," Summer admitted, not even feeling the smallest compulsion to apologize for having exposed Stark to that monstrosity twice now, "the liver sausage pineapple will ever get old."

Which meant there was a good chance there was going to be a third time eventually in Stark's future.

Eventually, maybe he'll start feeling disappointed if it doesn't show up one day.

Oh, man, Summer was sure going to be thinking that Pepto Bismol making an appearance in Stark's class next would be pretty hand right about now.

She gave Liz a sympathetic sort of look and then promptly nudged the waste basket a little closer to where she was.

"I don't think," she noted, "I've every actually had someone throw up in one of my classes yet, but don't worry, Liz. I'll consider it an honor."

"Oh," said Summer, with the utmost confidence. "I'm sure Ignis would love this."

Somewhere, in a kitchen in a makeshift house beside a lighthouse, Ignis Scientia felt something run down his spine like ice to make him shudder and he had no idea why.

"It's really a shame," she added, "that we can't do pictures through the communicators. Can you imagine just spamming this full force at him?"

"Honestly, at this point?" Summer said. "We're doing him a favor by putting him out of his misery."

"Excuse you," said Summer, in a tone that very much knew exactly what Gray meant with that last part, "this was made for children."

And, after that: "I think I need to meet this Ray guy."

She may have a thing for torturing foodies in particular.

"It's a mercy killing," Steve agreed.

"It's the legs," Gray decided. "They're, uh." Well.

"My brother Raiden," he explained. "He's...well, he's a glutton." The original glutton, as it were. "But he really does love food. So he would totally eat that thing, but also he would be mourning all the less sacrilegious things that could have been made with the ingredients.

"The treasure chest is just a lot of unnecessary work," said Sloth, "but at least it's fun."

Liz felt bad as she made a beeline to grab the waste paper basket and then found herself emptying what little food she had in her stomach.

She grimaced, lifting her head up once she finished throwing up, “sorry,” she said quietly.

"I am not inclined to agree," Stark said. "Unfortunately."

He would not be disappointed to never see it again, sorry Summer.

"I do like the fruit chest. Did it take a long time?"

Hannibal Lecter

Ancient Food Crimes; Friday, First Period [06/10].

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