fandomhigh | Ancient Food Crimes; Friday, First Period [05/27].

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terrible food

Ancient Food Crimes; Friday, First Period [05/27].

For all the mess her kitchen had been made into yesterday in her desperate attempts to always feel like she needed to outdo herself, Summer had ultimately decided to go a little simpler for today's lesson, and honestly? She felt much better doing it. Truth day definitely had a way of wearing you down, even when you embrace its absurdity fully, and she just wanted to keep it light today.

Still (hopefully) ridiculous and bewildering, but ultimately light.

"Today," she started, once it was time to get everything going, "I wanted to focus on how the last century could take something as unassuming and simple as, say, a melon or a head of lettuce or celery, and try to....dress it up in a way that is absurd, unnecessarily, and, perhaps, even criminal. So allow me to introduce you to three real, actual recipes that people made and, presumably, consumed, and we're going to give them a try and figure out whether or not such things deserve to be thrown into food jail once and for all.

"Allow me a moment to present to you a stuffed melon covered in cream cheese, a stuffed head of iceberg lettuce, and, the most offensive of all, I think, especially since nothing is even stuffed here, but we have boiled celery with pimento. That last one was a 'calorie counter' recipe, which is apt, since I'm pretty sure it would put you off from food entirely.

"So come on up, let's explore the reasons why these foods even exist in the first place."

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Ruining a perfectly good piece of produce.

It's short, sweet, and to the point, not because surely they've all done enough chatting yesterday, but just because the less said about today's offerings, the better.

Well, until they actually discussed them, because it wouldn't be much of a class otherwise.

At least the ingredients aren't too objectionable, even if what was done to them might be slightly suspect. Have a few bites if you dare, and then discuss why anyone would do this, whether it's as bad as Summer has made it out to be, or anything else you'd like to contribute, really.

If you'd like to have a whole conversation just in lies because you can now, Summer would totally be down for that.

GLORIOUS.

Liz Sherman

After class Liz approached Summer, looking a lot happier than she had on Wednesday even though she now had to try and get a portal back to Prompto if she wanted to be with him, "I heard from Prompto, he's alright," Liz told her, not wanting to wait, "I mean Insomnia's not alright, there was an invasion and they're trying to regroup and take the city back but they're alright,"

Edited 2022-05-27 10:33 (UTC)

Shane Gooseman

Goose was going to be spending most of the day trying to gather resources and try and send the help he promised to Ignis so he was a little distracted but it wasn't going to stop him from eating quite a bit of all the foods that were on offer.

"I don't think these are bad," Goose decided but that was because he was Goose and he was more than willing to try different foods.

"You did?" Summer almost blinked a little at Liz at this news; she'd honestly been so convinced and doom and gloom about it yesterday (although oddly chipper about it, too) that she was genuinely surprised. She thought for sure they were all goners. "How? Did you finally find, like, the supreme cat meme?"

But she shook her head, because that clearly wasn't the important thing right now. "But that's good to hear. I mean, not about the invasion, or whatever, that sucks, but that they're doing okay. Did they say anything about needing help? Because I have got, like, a list now of people who were all ready to jump in on that."

It wasn't a list. It was, like....Jon. And maybe Stark. But those were people!

"God," said Summer, shaking her head a little in awe at Goose. "My new goal in life is to find something that absolutely disgusts you, but even I know that this is probably a losing bet right from the start."

"I would still take that bet though," Goose said with a grin, "I'm sure there's some obscure food out there in the universe that would disgust me," he wasn't sure what it was but if anyone could find it, it would be Summer.

"I don't think they have a lot of resources so they would definitely appreciate the help," Liz said, "we can't portal in directly to Insomnia though but Ignis did say something about checking to see if we can portal to Lestallum, they're not sure if it will work because they've only used portals in Insomnia before," she paused, "Goose is also working on contacting his team and getting in the Galaxy Rangers for support, it's through his communicator that we were able to get in contact with Prompto and Ignis," she explained.

And you know what? That just reminded Summer that she clearly needed to go beyond planet Earth for that one, and he was right, if anyone could do it, it was going to be her, dammit.

"There's got to be," she agreed. "I know I've had some pretty gnarly stuff out there over the years, so....you know...challenge fucking accepted. You're on, dude. I hope you're ready to ingest a lot of goos and goops and space maggots, though."

"Awwwwwww." Summer needed a moment to melt a little as her Goosnis flag just got activated over all of that and her hands folded in front of her heart. "Look at you guys. Pulling together all your resources to save your boyfriends in their dumb, stupid war-torn world. At this point, I am honestly just honored to be involved. But, hey, if you're not doing anything right now, we can totally head over to portalocity and see what they've got. Then I can head over to Barry's and see if we can run some coordinates and see if anything comes up for this...Lestallum, you said? If they've got nothing, we can see if we can just circumnavigate their resources and dig up the data ourselves."

"It was Lestallum," Liz nodded, "I'm not doing anything right now, checking on the portal status sounds pretty good right now, at least that way we know if the portalocity option is still viable," it had been ages since Liz had done any mission related work, even if she no longer wanted to be an agent it still felt good to be doing something and being able to coordinate like this, "maybe it was a good thing I started up training again,"

Annie January

"This would be okay with chips," was the most generous thing Annie could come up with regarding any of these, and she was very specific that she meant the stuffed lettuce, there.

God help them all if her mother heard about the idea of boiling celery. Good grief.

"So hey," Annie said, casually sidling up like she hadn't not seen Summer in weeks, "do I need like...a note 'cause I was in November of 1963 for two weeks and missed class?"

She would not be able to produce a note. But she would be able to produce a souvenir!

Goose grinned, "I'm totally ready for everything you can throw at me, even eating space maggots, I'm looking forward to it,"

He also meant every single word of it as well.

"Hmmmmmm," Summer totally pretended to be thinking about it very hard, very seriously. "I don't know. I think being in November of 1963--also, hi, very, very specific, but okay--for two weeks is actually an acceptable reason for an excuse absence without a note, but I am definitely going to need an explanation."

The tone shifted a little toward genuine concern, though, as she asked, "Are you okay? Everything's alright?"

Look, lots of people seemed to be going through some heavy shit right now, like, she had portal recon to do after this, even.

"Everything's kind of great," Annie reassured her with a smile. "Five finally figured out that he had to bring me along for a power boost if he was gonna figure out where he dropped the rest of his and Diego's siblings in time, and it turns out it was the early '60s."

All at different times! One of them with enough time to form his own cult, even!

"But we've got 'em now," she added. "I'm gonna go get chewed out like there's no tomorrow at work later, but everyone's fine. Did I miss anything cool? We got back like...Tuesday? Wednesday?"

Time, perhaps understandably, was still a little wobbly for Annie.

"Pffft," said Summer, with a dismissive hand about anything having to do with Annie's work, "whatever. Those bitches are totally even lucky you give them the time of day, they should be kissing your sparkly boots that you even bothered to check back in with them, you know? And....I know Truth Day was yesterday, so it looks like you didn't miss that, but, uh...."

Summer hadn't even been time traveling, and sometimes her ~~player's~~ perception of time was a little wonky.

"I don't there's anything else, except, like, usual shenanigans."

Edited 2022-05-27 12:18 (UTC)

"Well. And your class," Annie pointed out with a reverent gesture to their surroundings. She mostly agreed about work, even if she was acquiescing to a dye job this afternoon. "Speaking of, I brought you something."

"So, like, we all ended up landing in this same spot outside this same really nice weirdo's apartment," she explained, ducking her head to search through her purse for something. "And it's 1963, right, so -- he's trying to be a good host, probably a little in part because I told him we were all aliens -- long story -- and he kept making us food."

And there it was. She pulled the slim booklet out of her bag, holding it out to Summer. "He kept, specifically, making us Jello."

"Ohmygod," said Summer, "I kind of want to meet this really nice weirdo, we might be soulmates, and this?" She took the book reverently from Annie with a look of shining gratitude in her eyes before she pulled it in close to her chest. "Is amazing."

And then she pulled it away enough to start flipping through it with eagerness for inspiration. "Ohmygod, I've seen some of these online! This has got to be worth a ton on eBay or something."

Or, you know, literally just $9.99, but whatever.

"You would have loved this really nice weirdo," Annie said with a sort of wistful fondness. "His name was Elliot, and we kind of -- lost him along the way, unfortunately."

And it had been the grossest crime scene Annie had ever personally witnessed, because -- well, 'cause the guys who took him out had a real misplaced axe to grind with our heroes. "But honestly, I can't think of a better way to honor him than to pass on his...you know, sacred texts into your capable hands. I would've brought some of his molds too if I didn't know you were attached to your particular medium of jello."

And also because they'd had to travel pretty light. Annie had been kind of pushing it by insisting on bringing the book and Diego's orange shirt, anyway.

"Hey, now, I occasionally dabble in the more traditional forms of my art," Summer said, her expression softening a little to hear that her potential brother-in-gelatin had met an untimely demise. But that did make her feel even more reverent toward the booklet. "But I'll definitely be sure to treat this great knowledge that has been bestowed to me with all the privilege and honor it deserves. And I'll definitely be bringing you and Diego the first of whatever I decide to make from it."

And speaking of her scraggly other half...

"And how's he doing with it all?"

No, she didn't know Diego well, but she did know enough that family matters were almost as much of a minefield with his as they were hers. Possibly even more so.

"Pretty good," Annie replied honestly. "I mean, his siblings are like, on the mainland right now and I think he's even seeing them later, so that's a huge improvement over where he's been the last...like, almost year."

Jesus. It had taken them a long-ass time to figure that out. But considering she'd heard a bit about how long Five had been stuck in the apocalyptic future, eight or so months was hardly anything!

"Oh, but one thing -- so, when Five took us back, he managed to hang onto me, but Diego landed almost three months ahead of us," she added, eyes wide. "Which is a whole other story but the big thing is he finally has the long hair and full freaking beard I kept hearing about from our future kids! Because he was locked up for those three months and kind of had to grow it out."

Who had 'institutionalization' on their bingo card? Not Annie, that's for sure.

"Okay, definitely bringing over the inaugural jello if only to finally get to see this hair in action," Summer decided firmly, and then, probably the most important question of all, "And do you totally love it, or nah?"

With anyone else, Annie would have held back a little. Seriously. Anyone else would have gotten a much more reserved response about how she thought it looked nice or something.

But this was Summer, so--

"I love it," Annie told her, breathing the word in question like a prayer. "Like, he was hot before, obviously, but it really works for him. I'm especially into this beard even if it makes him look, like, all...thirty."

But in a hot, older man way. Like, if only Annie had heard Klaus make that Antonio Banderas comment, there would have been so much plus-one-ing.

And you were getting to see a picture on her phone now, Summer, considering Annie herself was headed back to NYC in a matter of hours and she knew Diego would be unlikely to go out and be social on his own.

Edited 2022-05-27 14:05 (UTC)

Summer did kind of want to see it all in its IRL glory, but she wasn't going to say no to a sneak peak with a reaction like that.

"Yeah," Summer agreed, emphatically, "okay,I can totally see where you're coming from, and may I add, I dig that you dig the scruffy look, because that's just, like...very good, top-notch contrast."

She would see it! Annie would just need to coax Diego into being social first. Perhaps they would even have something to celebrate soon! Perhaps.

"I know," Annie agreed with a solemn nod. "It's even better than just the all-black thing. He was even scruffier, which isn't as good a look? But this is just right. Even if it sucks how he had to get there. But on the bright side, I just got, like, instant bearded boyfriend without having to go through an awkward phase."

Llewellyn Watts

"Truuuuuuuue," Summer enthused. "I mean, if you're going to go through a whole ordeal, coming out of it with a hot new look is the way to do it. I'm lowkey kind of jealous, I'm not even sure Barry can even grow a beard."

Not without science!, anyway.

"Not that I'd want him to, mind you. Hiding that jawline would literally be a crime."

Steve Rogers

"Well," Steve said slowly. "This was before there was the internet. People needed to use up their time somehow?"

And that way was frosting a honeydew melon! Somehow!

"Thank you for providing even more evidence to the fact that I'm pretty sure I would die without internet."

This was, of course, hyperbole. Summer had been without internet plenty of times and clearly, she had survived just fine.

In fact, she'd built a society up to space travel in two days without internet once.

....the Internet was clearly the one thing stopping Summer Smith from total multiverse domination.

Thank you, Internet.

"But maybe," Annie suggested thoughtfully, "he could rock one of those chinstrap beards? Like Barry -- and his jaw -- might be the one guy on the whole planet who could make that look good."

With Summer's help, of course. Style like that would come with an accompanying amount of upkeep and need to dress accordingly.

"No," Summer did not even hesitate. "Instant break-up."

That man needed to be reminded not to wear a beat up, holey, questionably stained Space Battles shirt to public events. Do you know how much work that would be? For Summer?

"I have way too many dudes with questionable facial hair in my dating history already."

It was literally just one guy with a very bad moustache, but wasn't that enough??

Stark

Stark was keeping his head down today. He tried all of the foods, though the celery was especially unappetizing. None of them were particularly good but he'd had worse.

He made a few faces as he sampled the items but didn't say anything, this time.

Hannibal Lecter

Hannibal tried each and shrugged. "I don't appreciate the overly processed mayonnaise and cream cheese, and the pre-flavored gelatin, but with more natural ingredients, they might be acceptable."

Guillermo de la Cruz

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