"Yup," she smirked, "He was a fanboy before he was crew. Had a whole 'Normandy Forever' patch on his armor and everything. Came on during the war then after found himself Commander of the ship. He's still growing into it. Part of him keeps wondering when Kaidan's going to show back up and tell him he was just kidding and to give his ship back."

Kaidan would never do that. She understood why but it still stung a little. If Kaidan was Commander of the Normandy, they'd all be there. They'd all be home. She realized that was a pipe dream and not real. She wouldn't give up Grissom or her kids. Liara wouldn't give up being who she was. Garrus and Tali couldn't take off from their duties and Wrex sure as fuck couldn't walk away from Tuchanka to ride or die with them again.

Still.

Still.