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seven ways to annoy anakin skywalker

7 Ways to Annoy Anakin Skywalker, Monday, Period 1

Bel was positively giddy for class today. He'd been busy the past week tracking down an old alumni from Fandom High and had convinced him to come back to the island for a One Time Only performance. After all, Bel had made a guest appearance in his class a few years back. (And he might have stolen an idea for a class from that as well.)

"All right, kids," he said, "we're going to get right into this today. I have a special guest, a former student and teacher here at Fandom High. He and Anakin go way back, and he's awfully good at annoying people. So sit back, watch, and enjoy."

Damned straight he had a video camera recording this.

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Like you actually want to be here.

Talk amongst yourselves.

Please to be waiting for him to ping in.

Now he was wondering if he could bring back some people from the original Ethics class...but, nah, he wasn't that evil.

I need more caffeine.

And lo. There was Jamie Madrox. And Jamie Madrox. Oh look and another Jamie Madrox.

"Hey kids!" Jamie said cheerfully as more of him appeared in the classroom hauling in items like a puppet stage, sock puppets and for some reason a bunch of pineapples. "First off I want to thank Bel for inviting me back because today is a very special day. Do you guys know what it is? It's Anakin Skywalker appreciation day!"

And on cue a rather bored Madrox dupe threw glitter into the air. The bored dupe then went into the corner to text Layla Miller how bored he was.

"So for today's class I thought I would put on a very special performance. It's the origin of Anakin Skywalker! Or at least as close as I could get it. I had to listen to a lot of old radio broadcasts. Did you know we had a pirate? He really liked his rum. Anyhow I think we're about ready so sit back and enjoy the show!"

And lo.. the curtain pulled back and there was a puppet with a goatee and hippy hair wearing brown robes. Sitting on a nest.

And then Jamie Madrox sat down in front of the stage and pulled out a story time book.

"Today's story is: Obi-Wan Hatches an Egg."

"Qui-Gon was bored as Jedi's do get
Especially when busy hatching an egg
Now why would a Jedi ever do such a task?
That's a question, I request, that you please do not ask."

Another puppet appeared, cleanshaven and wearing a buzzcut with a rat's tail like they did in the 80's. However this puppet did not look like the lead singer of 'Til Tuesday.

"At which point Obi-wan just happen to walk by
And Qui-Gon called out to him with a little white lie"

And then the Qui-Gon puppet began to speak in a really bad imitation of Liam Neeson. Or Sean Connery.

"Padawan come to me! I have a task just for you.
It's a mission quite dangerous and the volunteers quite few"

The Obi-Wan puppet danced around a bit as it spoke and quite frankly sounded like an orphan extra from the movie Oliver.

"What could it be, Master Qui-Gon?
For there is no mission I'd refuse to be on."

The Qui-Gon puppet stretched it's arms and spoke again. Again in the bad imitation of Liam Neeson/Sean Connery.

"Well my legs are quite stiff my young padawan
So I need someone for this egg to sit on."

The Obi-Wan puppet danced around again.

"But Master? Why? I don't understand?
Aren't there greater matters for me, a Jedi, that I must attend?"

The Qui-Gon puppet sighed.

"Padawan Kenobi, you're not a jedi yet
So in the meantime you must sit on this egg."
Qui-Gon stood up and pointed to the nest
"Please sit here now as I need a little rest.
The egg here you see will birth the chosen one.
It needs the heat from you rear, not the heat from the sun.
Now please sit down as there matters I must attend."

And in a whispered voice Jamie Madrox whispered to the audience:

"What Qui-Gon didn't tell him it was about his split ends."

And so the Obi-Wan puppet took Qui-Gon's place on the nest. The Qui-Gon puppet left only to return later pouring conditioner on his hippy hair.

Meanwhile Jamie continued to read:

"So Padawan Kenobi did what he was told
He sat on the egg and made sure it was not cold
He sat there and sat. And then sat there some more
And he sat sat sat sat until his backside was sore"

"As the day wore on and so did his bliss
Obi-Wan thought to himself..."

And the Obi-Wan puppet piped up in his flutey little English accent. "I have a bad feeling about this."

"As Obi-Wan sat, many creatures walked by..."

And at that point several creature puppets came by that looked like something out of Space Battles.

"Robots, aliens and some big hairy guy
Each of them asked just what he was doing
Obi-wan explained to much Pooh-pooh-pooing."

"Qin-Gon has left you! You must move along!" sang the myriad of puppets. "You're braid is getting longer and you smell oh so wrong!"

"To each person who said this, he had the same reply
Even though each time he said it, it came with a sigh."

"I've said what I meant and I meant what I said," said the flutey Obi-Wan puppet.
A Padawan is faithful. One hundred percent."

"Eventually the egg hatched and Anakin sprang out"

And unfortunately it did not look like Anakin sprang from an egg. It actually looked like Anakin sprang from the Obi-Wan's puppet's rear. Avert your eyes kids.

"Unfortunately he whined and tended to pout."

At which point the Anakin began to whine and ramble about hair conditioner and how Gui-Gon didn't share. The Obi-Wan puppet pointed at the backdrop which was a cardboard replica of Fandomhigh.

"So when Obi-Wan was tired of all Annie's bellyaches
He put him on a ship and sent him to FH"

The Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon puppet disappeared and were replaced by other puppets. One looked remarkably like Bel. Another one was a vampire with spiky hair (http://notstakedyet.livejournal.com/). (And for some reason the Bel and Vampire puppet started to make out. No idea why. Other puppets appeared.) Some with dyed (http://chasingangela.livejournal.com/) hair (http://swerval-zero.livejournal.com/). Two (http://sensethevisions.livejournal.com/) witches (http://cookinggeek.livejournal.com). A female warrior puppet (http://psycho-barbie.livejournal.com/) with blonde hair. A puppet in a mountie hat (http://soldtoarmenians.livejournal.com/) and another one in a green uniform (http://bridge-carson.livejournal.com/) were also there. Oh and a puppet in a suit eating an egg white omelette (oatmanspatient.livejournal.com). Which kept glaring at Bel.

And somewhere on top of the school building there was another puppet (http://spyprincipal.livejournal.com/) staring down on the congregation of puppets and taking notes.

"I wish I could say that's the end of the story
but somewhere in the process he ends up with Rory."

Another puppet popped up. This one with pale skin and a coffee cup in her hand (http://auroryborealis.livejournal.com/)

"I'd tell you more really, but as you might guess
The story with Rory can get quite N.W.S."

At which point the Anakin puppet and the Rory puppet began to kiss. And kiss some more and then there was... Well like the story said it was getting NWS. Yes. Puppet sex.

And just when it was getting uncomfortable for ANYONE to watch...

Music started.

We got the afternoon
You got this room for two
One thing I've left to do
Discover me
Discovering you..

And yes. That was the Anakin puppet singing John Mayer. While it was doing... things to the Rory puppet. God help us if Bel invited Rory and the kids to class today.

One mile to every inch of
Your skin like porcelain
One pair of candy lips and
Your bubblegum tongue

At this point the Rory opened her mouth and bubble gum came out. Jamie probably intended the puppet to have a bubblegum tongue but really it just looked like the puppet was vomiting bubblegum.

And now the entire puppet menagerie began to sing. Except for the Bel and Vampire puppet. They were still making out.

And if you want love
We'll make it
Swim in a deep sea
Of blankets
Take all your big plans
And break 'em
This is bound to be a while

Rory's body is a wonderland
Rory's body is a wonder (I'll use my hands)
Rory's body is a wonder-

The song would have continued except the Vampire puppet suddenly shouted "I'M SO HAPPY!"

And then killed the rest of the puppets in a bloody gory mess.

Jamie gave the rest of the glass a happy grin. "The End. Any questions?"

"I hope you liked the show!" Jamie said happily. "And now you can put on your own puppet show for Anakin this week!"

The bored dupe got up and picked up a bin of socks and craft materials and dumped them in front of the students.

"There you go! Enough to make many Anakin puppets! Just make sure you get the hair right! He appreciates the detail on these things."

Anakin really had no appreciation for sock puppets. Probably. Yeah, no not at all.

"Have fun kids!"

The story was based on a fic I wrote waaaaaay back in the first days of the game.

The bit at the end with John Mayer... Yeah, I don't know.

I was driving to work and thought: Oh, yeah. Jamie is showing up today for Bel's class. I wonder what he might do.

My brain frightens me sometimes.

*draws hearts around your brain*

Raven Darkholme

Raven had kind of spaced out on the performance itself. She'd been too busy trying to figure out where she knew this guy from. She sort of half-assedly played with her sock as she kept trying, then dropped the sock with an "Oh!" when she figured it out.

She'd met him while she was weird communist Raven. He'd been rather less manic at the time.

She thought she might like the other version better.

Emma Swan

OH MY GOD I JUST READ THIS AND I'M DYING

I KNOW RIGHT

*dying*

WELL DONE.

Bel's totally leaving a copy of the performance in Anakin's office. :D

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7 Ways to Annoy Anakin Skywalker, Monday, Period 1

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