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coping with change

Coping With Change, Friday, Period 3

//This week, I'd like to discuss the different types of change a little more,// Jono began, once it seemed like his students had all settled in. //You might notice that I teach with something of a bias toward coping with the sudden, unexpected sort. I'll even admit here and now that 'sudden and unexpected' is rather the sort of change that I'd been expecting to discuss the most, since around here, that's generally the sort that leaps first to mind. That said, there are a few others that this class will have some bearing on, as well.//

He crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back against the desk like usual.

//I'll start with the sudden and unexpected sort, since I'm already on the topic. This one can encompass anything from sudden illness to winning the lottery to most of the madness that happens around here. You don't see it coming, you can't necessarily do anything about it, it's out of your control. You can control how you react to it, and can come up with strategies accordingly, but not many people actually plan for these things in advance. How can you?//

Insurance policies, buying opposite-gendered clothes just in case. There were ways, but Jono was presenting a hypothetical, here.

//Then there are the ones you can see coming, things like graduation day, or moving. Things that you know are on the horizon, that give you some chance to prepare. No, they're not all easy to deal with just because you have warning. You can be told that you only have a year with somebody you love right up front,// you know, hypothetically, //and it'll still rip your bloody heart out when it's time for them to leave. Sometimes being able to brace yourself for it doesn't make it easier to deal with it. It just occasionally gives you the opportunity to plan for what comes after.//

And now, ouch, he had feelings. Go figure.

//Then there are the other changes, the ones that are less about external factors, and are everything about the decisions you make for yourself. You can choose to form new habits, to exercise or brush your teeth or study more, or to quit old, destructive ones like smoking and drinking to excess. You can choose to improve existing skills, or to learn a new one. You can stop and look at your attitudes and outlooks and choose to grind your personal limitations under your heel, to stop saying 'I can't' all the bloody time. There are a countless number of changes that you can make for yourself, and plenty of them can be used to help you adjust and get through the changes that you can't do anything about. This week, surprise surprise, I want you to think about all three sorts of change I've mentioned, though instead of discussing actual incidents of those changes in your life, I want you to talk about and brainstorm different ways you might have of dealing with or preparing yourself for them. If you want to cite examples, by all means. This classroom is still a safe space, and anything you share will be treated with respect.//

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Anticipating change!

Blah blah blah changes blah blah blah words blah blah coping...

Pick one or all of the types of change discussed - Sudden change, anticipated change, or change that you control - and talk about ways that a person might go about preparing for or dealing with any of the above. Feel free to cite examples, real or not.

Who Jono suspects doesn't so much deal with change as he just sort of lets change deal with him.

He's here after class, as usual, in case anybody wants to talk to him.

Me, I should probably change and get ready for work.

Paddra Nsu-Yeul

Celia Bowen

Cosette Fauchelevent

Bay Kennish

"I forget who else here is a senior," Bay said, "but we've all got a bunch of anticipated change staring us down, right? I'm putting my portfolio together for art school, and boarding school helped with the, y'know, taking care of myself aspect, but it's still going to be a change. Nobody will think of us as kids anymore. I think I'll be relieved by that -- but you never know until you're there."

"Coming here was a sudden change," Cosette spoke up. "One right on top of another, come to think of it -- Father came home one night and told me to get my things together because we were leaving the next day, and I'd barely even become accustomed to the notion that I don't have to live up to the sisters' strict standards any more."

It didn't occur to her that her father's actions might sound a bit sketchy to anyone else, but it wasn't the first time they'd moved out of someplace on short notice. Unlike the last time, which had ended them up in the convent, this time didn't involve him scaling a wall and then hauling her up with a rope stolen from a streetlamp at least. (And then smuggling her out in a basket, telling her to stay with some strange woman until he came to get her, and . . . bringing her right back to the convent, but through the front door.)

"I don't know if one can prepare for these things, really."

Cecil Palmer

Well, really, is there any other way to do it?

//You really don't,// Jono agreed with a nod. //Hell, I still don't feel like a grown-up half the time, myself. But presumably I'm supposed to be responsible and act my age, whatever that's supposed to mean.//

It would help if even he had some clue as to what age he was meant to be, these days.

Oh... my.

Jono decided to withhold comment about just how sketchy the whole situation sounded. He didn't know all that was going on. Perhaps there was a perfectly reasonable explanation for it all?

//Prepare, perhaps not,// Jonothon noted. //Not unless moving often and without notice is something that you do so frequent it becomes almost second nature, I suppose. And what of dealing with being in a completely new environment? There are ways for wrapping your mind around that, I'm certain?//

Kathy Li

Joker Moreau

"Coming to school here was my first major change," Kathy admitted. "...I don't think I prepared enough. I don't think I could have prepared enough, but I know for a fact that I didn't."

//This really isn't the sort of place that a person can prepare for,// Jono agreed, giving Kathy his closest approximation of a smile. //But even if you were going to a normal school, without all of the bells and whistles and randomly turning into things you're not, studying away from home is a big adjustment. Knowing what you're in for now, what would you have done differently?//

"I would have practiced being more outgoing, I think," Kathy said after a moment's thought. "It never occurred to me that moving all the way across the country would be the perfect chance to start over and be someone, well, new, I guess."

//Been there a few times myself,// Jono offered, nodding.

Yes, Jono. People could probably tell by your accent that you weren't local.

//How's the fresh start working out for you so far, luv? It's not too late to be more outgoing now, if you're regretting that you haven't been. Lord knows it took me years to stop glowering at anybody that looked my way.//

In fairness, most people hadn't put up with that crap from him in the first place. He'd given up mostly because there wasn't much point.

And look! He'd gotten a pretty tiara out of it!

"I'm pretty sure I need a few more months of practice," Kathy said with a self-deprecating laugh. "And by then, it'll be a little late to try to pass myself off as someone cool and sophisticated."

//Not sure if you've noticed, Sunshine, but people aren't terribly concerned about cool sophistication around here.// If they were, he would've been long gone. He tilted his head at her curiously. //Is that what you want people to think of you? Mature? Classy? That's the sort of person you're aiming to be?//

Well, thinking of her would be a good start. She was kind of used to being a shadow in the minds of other people, the quiet girl who sat in the corner. Not singled out for humiliation by being picked last, but the forgettable girl chosen in the middle, whose name no one could quite remember.

...Not that she was going to mention any of that out loud, ha!

"I'd take noticeable? But in a good way," she hazarded.

//And why do you think you're not? You're a bright young woman with a lovely smile, do you feel that people's eyes pass by you all the same?//

Still curious. Not judging. He was, after all noticeable that other way. He was actually interested in knowing what she thought made the difference.

Eleanor Lamb

"Sometimes, change can be both sudden and anticipated," Joker said. "Like, say, your dad tells you you're going to be moving somewhere really crappy in a week and a half. When that happens, you need to be on your toes, you need to be quick, and you need to take risks, because you've only got a few days to make and execute a plan to fix things."

//Speaking from experience?// Jono raised an eyebrow, and then nodded. //It's true enough, though. I suppose the risks you need to be willing to take would be dictated by the situation, but in the end, everything involves some measure of risk. Life is risk.//

"No risk, no reward," Joker agreed. "And sometimes it's not a matter of whether you can do something, but whether you're willing to."

Story of Jono's life, right there. He nodded again, lifting a finger to point to Joker in a sort of 'bang on' gesture.

//There it is. People are often capable of doing so much more than they ever give themselves credit for. The question is often less, 'are you able,' and more, 'will you try?' Nobody'll ever accomplish anything by sitting back and watching opportunity pass them by.//

Mercy Thompson

Alexandra Jones

Billy Kaplan

"Or waiting for it to come by," Joker agreed. "Carpe diem."

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Coping With Change, Friday, Period 3

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