Jono Starsmore (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
furnaceface) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomhigh2012-12-14 09:08 am
furnaceface) wrote in fandomhigh2012-12-14 09:08 am
Entry tags:
Living on the Outskirts, Friday, Period 2
If it was his last class teaching this particular group of students, and if Jono was feeling possibly a little bittersweet about that fact as he started his lecture today, he certainly wasn't letting it show. Not with the way he casually leaned back against his desk, coffee in hand, and launched off into another one of his lengthy diatribes. Nope.
"Last week, if any of you remembers last week or was even actually paying attention, I talked to you all about exercising caution with the people you trust and just giving yourself away with reckless abandon. This week, I'm going to contradict all of that, because, to hell with it, this is going to be my last class with at least a few of you and I reserve the right to confuse the hell out of you lot before the holiday break."
Jono was nice like that.
"Live," he said, as though that in itself was a simple enough concept. "Live life like every day is your last. Most of us only get one life to appreciate, after all, and if you waste it shying away from what you want or what you need, all you'll have later on in that life will be a list of regrets and not a hell of a lot of memories worth remembering.
"I'm not saying that you all have to go out of the way to be something you aren't. I'm saying that you are all who you are for a reason, you want the things you want and like the things you like because that's who you're meant to be. Maybe you don't want to get out and know people. Maybe your only reason for getting up day-by-day is out of some morbid curiosity for how things can possibly go wrong for you between each morning and each night. That's fine. I've lived out most of my years so far like that. Truth be told, I'm that way most of the time even now. I'm just not as shite at hiding it as I used to be."
There. Jono's big confession. He was still an antisocial pessimist. Suck on it.
"But there are things I've done, things that I have reached out and embraced with reckless abandon that I didn't regret. Things that I never will. And if there's something standing in front of you, and you know that something can make you happy, that it's the something that you've been waiting for all along... Don't hesitate. Reach for it. Reach for that wild love that you're afraid is too good to be true, or that record deal, or just that happy tomorrow. Spend time with people that make you happy, with people you're comfortable around. By all means be careful when you do. You'd be an idiot not to. But don't deny yourself that one happiness if there's actually a means for you to know it."
He slipped his hand into his coat pocket and fell silent for a moment as his fingers closed around some object that he wasn't about to show his students. A little piece of paper.
"And yes, you might get hurt. Life is, among so many things, not fair. It's cruel. You might watch your dream shatter before your eyes right along with your ability to sing, or to fight, or to love. Your reason for letting yourself live when you were too afraid to do so before might walk out of your life, leaving you alone with your memories. Life is joy and pain, and not even necessarily in equal measures. And life is risk. It's up to you, as you live it, to decide whether or not the chance of pain is worth the opportunity to be happy. But you'll never know for certain if you don't take that chance. Sometimes, the chance of pain will be more worth it, even for the sake of a fleeting joy, than you can possibly imagine."
And there was another silence. And then Jono finally let some of that wry, tired, bittersweet feeling seep into his expression.
"This is our last class together, and I haven't prepared a final for you lot. I could have thrown you at another party scenario and graded you on that. Or I could have come up with some sort of written exam and graded you on that. But the truth of the matter is, in the end, this class is about how you choose to live, and nobody can play the part of judge on your own life but yourself. So, instead, I left you some pens and sheets of paper, and I would like each of you to share your thoughts on this class, on my teaching methods, on the subjects that I taught you week by week. I know some of you came in here expecting something very different than what was taught, and if you felt deceived or mislead coming in, then, by all means, let me know. Tell me how full of shite you thought I was. I'm a big boy, I can handle my criticism. Or... if by some chance I did something right, tell me that. It isn't terribly likely that I'll teach something quite like this again, but on the off chance that I do, I want to know your thoughts. I want to know what I can do right, or what you were expecting when you came in that never got covered, or... anything. Just tell me anything you want, and you can leave when you're through."
[Open!]
"Last week, if any of you remembers last week or was even actually paying attention, I talked to you all about exercising caution with the people you trust and just giving yourself away with reckless abandon. This week, I'm going to contradict all of that, because, to hell with it, this is going to be my last class with at least a few of you and I reserve the right to confuse the hell out of you lot before the holiday break."
Jono was nice like that.
"Live," he said, as though that in itself was a simple enough concept. "Live life like every day is your last. Most of us only get one life to appreciate, after all, and if you waste it shying away from what you want or what you need, all you'll have later on in that life will be a list of regrets and not a hell of a lot of memories worth remembering.
"I'm not saying that you all have to go out of the way to be something you aren't. I'm saying that you are all who you are for a reason, you want the things you want and like the things you like because that's who you're meant to be. Maybe you don't want to get out and know people. Maybe your only reason for getting up day-by-day is out of some morbid curiosity for how things can possibly go wrong for you between each morning and each night. That's fine. I've lived out most of my years so far like that. Truth be told, I'm that way most of the time even now. I'm just not as shite at hiding it as I used to be."
There. Jono's big confession. He was still an antisocial pessimist. Suck on it.
"But there are things I've done, things that I have reached out and embraced with reckless abandon that I didn't regret. Things that I never will. And if there's something standing in front of you, and you know that something can make you happy, that it's the something that you've been waiting for all along... Don't hesitate. Reach for it. Reach for that wild love that you're afraid is too good to be true, or that record deal, or just that happy tomorrow. Spend time with people that make you happy, with people you're comfortable around. By all means be careful when you do. You'd be an idiot not to. But don't deny yourself that one happiness if there's actually a means for you to know it."
He slipped his hand into his coat pocket and fell silent for a moment as his fingers closed around some object that he wasn't about to show his students. A little piece of paper.
"And yes, you might get hurt. Life is, among so many things, not fair. It's cruel. You might watch your dream shatter before your eyes right along with your ability to sing, or to fight, or to love. Your reason for letting yourself live when you were too afraid to do so before might walk out of your life, leaving you alone with your memories. Life is joy and pain, and not even necessarily in equal measures. And life is risk. It's up to you, as you live it, to decide whether or not the chance of pain is worth the opportunity to be happy. But you'll never know for certain if you don't take that chance. Sometimes, the chance of pain will be more worth it, even for the sake of a fleeting joy, than you can possibly imagine."
And there was another silence. And then Jono finally let some of that wry, tired, bittersweet feeling seep into his expression.
"This is our last class together, and I haven't prepared a final for you lot. I could have thrown you at another party scenario and graded you on that. Or I could have come up with some sort of written exam and graded you on that. But the truth of the matter is, in the end, this class is about how you choose to live, and nobody can play the part of judge on your own life but yourself. So, instead, I left you some pens and sheets of paper, and I would like each of you to share your thoughts on this class, on my teaching methods, on the subjects that I taught you week by week. I know some of you came in here expecting something very different than what was taught, and if you felt deceived or mislead coming in, then, by all means, let me know. Tell me how full of shite you thought I was. I'm a big boy, I can handle my criticism. Or... if by some chance I did something right, tell me that. It isn't terribly likely that I'll teach something quite like this again, but on the off chance that I do, I want to know your thoughts. I want to know what I can do right, or what you were expecting when you came in that never got covered, or... anything. Just tell me anything you want, and you can leave when you're through."
[Open!]
Sign In!
Before Class!
Lecture!
If he catches you passing notes, he might give you a mildly disgruntled look, though. You'll have the whole break for that.
Assignment!
And, honestly, he's met many of his students by this point. He's pretty certain they'll cling to their issues until the day they die, and nothing he can lecture about will change any of that.
Talk to the TAs!
Talk to Jono!
He kind of dreads the critiques.
OOC!
Re: Sign In!
Re: Lecture!
... Except for how she absolutely was.
She listened to the lecture smiling faintly all the while.
Re: Assignment!
Thank you, she wrote, for teaching this class. Thank you for being understanding of questions and doing your best to answer them even when you were uncomfortable with them. Thank you for listening. Thank you for your patience and your caring. Thank you for saving my life. Thank you for insisting that everyone has meaning, has worth, and matters no matter how they live their lives. Thank you for being who you were yesterday and who you are today and who you will be tomorrow and the next day and the next into the future.
She hesitated over the next part, discarding various bits and pieces of phrasing and erasing her words so often that the page was worn before winding up with:
Regarding life… I do believe.
It was utterly inadequate to what she wanted to express. It would have to do. Yeul hoped he understood.
Re: Sign In!
Re: Assignment!
He kind of thought the angst was a mutant thing, but he wasn't writing that down.
I don't know if it wasn't programmed in, or if I've just been very lucky in who I've met and how my life has gone. Probably it helps that I look pretty normal, you know? (No offense.) But this class has helped me understand it's not that easy for everyone, and maybe to be more patient with people who are having a harder time.
And this may be weird to write, sorry if it is, but I really hope you get happier. You're awesome and a hero and you should know that.
He shrugged as he passed it in. It maybe wasn't what Starsmore had wanted, but it was how he felt.
Re: Sign In!
Re: Assignment!
Some more hesitation and she added one last thing, in just slightly smaller script, at the bottom of the paper.
P.S. I may be breaking up with my boyfriend. Can't say if that's embracing life or shunning it – I'm only telling you so you won't ask.
Re: Sign In!
Re: Talk to the TAs!
Re: Assignment!
That was pretty much all Surreal had to say on the matter.
Re: Sign In!
Re: Sign In!
Re: Sign In!
Re: Sign In!
no subject