Ash's Art Appreciations, Lecture #6

[names-ash.livejournal.com]

*Ash, hiding behind a screen, patiently awaits the arrival of all of his students, then dims the lights in the classroom, so only the front of the room is still fully lit. He walks out in strange clothing, along with poofy pants and tights*

A-hem. Because of the theater teacher having disappeared, and my god kids they are not assumed dead so you all better not start crying on me, I'm allowed to branch out a bit in our Art classes, so today I present...

Shakespeare!

*clears throat*



Now is the winter of our discontent, baby
Made glorious summer by this sun of York;
And all the clouds... that lowered upon our house, yeah
In the deep bosom *snicker* of the ocean buried.
Now are our brows bound with victorious wreaths,
Our bruised arms hung up for monuments,
Our stern alarums changed to merry meetings, knuckleheads
Our dreadful marches to delightful measures.
Grim-visaged war hath smoothed his wrinkled front, cause apparently he finally learned the importance of ironing.
Now, ummm, instead of mounting barbed steeds, cause that'd hurt like hell, kids
He capers nimbly in a lady's chamber, in a sexual manner kids, yes. Please feel free to giggle.
To the lascivious pleasing of a lute.
But I, that am not shaped for sportive tricks
Nor made to court an amorous looking-glass; That's a mirror, to those less informed, kids
I, that am rudely stamped, and want love's majesty
To strut before a wanton ambling nymph; and beg for sugar, baby.
I, that am curtailed of this fair proportion,
Cheated of feature by dissembling nature,
Deformed, unfinished, sent before my time
Into this breathing world scarce half made up,
And that so lamely and unfashionable
That dogs bark at me as I halt by them - Or, in other words, I am totally fugly.
Why I, in this weak piping time of peace,
Have no delight to pass away the time,
Unless to spy my shadow in the sun
And descant on mine own deformity.
And therefore, since I cannot prove a lover
To entertain these fair well-spoken days,
I am determined to prove a villain
And hate the idle pleasures of these days. Because ugly people apparently aren't lazy.
Plots have I laid, inductions dangerous,
By drunken prophecies, libels, and dreams,
To set my brother Clarence and the king
In deadly hate the one against the other;
And if King Edward be as true and just
As I am subtle, false, and treacherous,
This day should Clarence closely be mewed up
About a prophecy which says that G, yo shizzle my nizzle,
Of Edward's heirs the murderer shall be.
Dive, thoughts, down to my soul - here Clarence comes! And that's not in a sexual way, kids. Stop laughing.


Alright... Shakespeare. ERm...

Discuss!

*stands in his poofy pants, waiting for kids to discuss things*

Comments

[psycho-barbie.livejournal.com]

Callisto wonders why this Shakespeare changes writing style so often within the one speech.

She also makes a note to burn Ash's tights and poofy pants if she gets the chance.

[ten-and-chips.livejournal.com]

(([claps] Hilarity.))

[oatmanspatient.livejournal.com]

Marty can't get over the poofy pants.

It's like a white MC Hammer decided to kill Shakespeare by adding the word fugly.

He just sits and stares.

[defiantlyyours.livejournal.com]

Shock and horror would be passing over 6's face if he was paying attention at all.

[courier-gavin.livejournal.com]

"...I have no words," Jake says finally, staring at the art teacher. "Like... No, no, really. No words."

[persian-eunuch.livejournal.com]

*didn't undertand a word of that*

*nope... not a word*

[12parseckessel.livejournal.com]

*sits, puzzled, makes a note to look up the real thing, and to keep Ash away from the newly repaired autovalet*

[krycek-rat.livejournal.com]

Krycek looks deeply pained. "Shakespeare is probably rolling in his grave, if he's not already in town and setting up shop."

[lisacuddy.livejournal.com]

"Marty," Lisa whispers, "make the bad man go away."

[oatmanspatient.livejournal.com]

"The last time I tried that, I had to take my clothes off. I'm not sure that's going to work. Are we sure his Evil Twin isn't running around again?" Marty whispers back.

[names-ash.livejournal.com]

[ooc: Congratulations. *hands Krycek the Internet* You win. *ded*]

[names-ash.livejournal.com]

I've got a word for you... Detention!

Just kidding, just kidding. No words, huh? That good of a performance? Well mannered actor, and all.

...and if anyone dares call me a thespian it will be detention.

[likeguidelines.livejournal.com]

Barbossa smiled and took notes. He was totally loving the poofy pants ensemble, too, though he thought he might've pulled it off better at Halloween.

[ihatedenmark.livejournal.com]

*From somewhere off in a different class, Hamlet gets the vague impression that the work of someone very close to him is being massacred in public. He wonders where he could have possibly gotten the image of a misshapen hunchback fighting off the evil dead with a shot gun from.*


[OOC: Nice job on the "nobody loves me so I'm gonna be evil" soliloquy. :)]

[ihatedenmark.livejournal.com]

[OOC: Yes, wouldn't that be interesting? ^-~]

[aka-vala.livejournal.com]

Vala blinks, somewhat stunned.

And she thought this planet's excuse for the arts was bad after watching "Manos: Hands of Fate" this weekend...

[stykera]

*Theatre was not something Stark was at all familiar with, but this didn't seem entirely right. But then what did he know? Maybe this was high art. Stranger things had certainly happened.*