The first thing to know about Jack McFarland was that he was thoroughly and completely incompetent.
“Good morrow, class,” he announced in his very best pretentious voice as students started filing into the room. Without a hint of sarcasm or irony, he declared, “Welcome to my highly prestigious workshop, where I will be teaching the field, the craft, the majestic art – of acting.”
His phone vibrated and began blaring Jack’s all-time favorite Cher song. Loudly. “Ooh, hold on a sec,” he chirped as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked his texts. Then he blushed a tiny bit and looked up.
“Ah! Change of plans, students,” he said with a faint trace of a very, very bad British accent that hadn’t been there before. Oh, Jack. “It appears that instead of teaching you the beautiful craft of the theater, I will instead be instructing you in my other profession: unemployment.”
Don’t ask.
Well, that threw a wrench into his show-off-your-abs exercise that he’d had planned. Although really, that didn’t have much to do with acting either. Anyway, Jack knew more about being unemployed than just about anyone else, so.
“The first thing one must accomplish in order to be successfully unemployed,” Jack began, “is to find a wealthy friend. The wealthier, the better, children. Or perhaps you yourself are wealthy! In that case, it is your burden to pay it forward, if you will. Find a less privileged friend and sponsor him in his unemployment! It’s all about generosity, dear students.”
“Your activity for today is simple,” he announced. “Divide into pairs – one of you will be fortunate enough to work with me – and take turns sweet-talking one another out of money! But first, consider what you need the money for. I personally use my wealthy friend for pursuits such as new tracksuits from Barney’s, or gym membership payments, or my rent.” He paused, then giggled. “Actually, my mom pays that one.”
“So!” Jack clapped his hands together. “Partner off! You may feel free to approach me with any questions or concerns you may have.” He glanced at some of the male students, then added, “Especially you.”
Re: Unemployment: Jobless and Fabulous!
“Good morrow, class,” he announced in his very best pretentious voice as students started filing into the room. Without a hint of sarcasm or irony, he declared, “Welcome to my highly prestigious workshop, where I will be teaching the field, the craft, the majestic art – of acting.”
His phone vibrated and began blaring Jack’s all-time favorite Cher song. Loudly. “Ooh, hold on a sec,” he chirped as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked his texts. Then he blushed a tiny bit and looked up.
“Ah! Change of plans, students,” he said with a faint trace of a very, very bad British accent that hadn’t been there before. Oh, Jack. “It appears that instead of teaching you the beautiful craft of the theater, I will instead be instructing you in my other profession: unemployment.”
Don’t ask.
Well, that threw a wrench into his show-off-your-abs exercise that he’d had planned. Although really, that didn’t have much to do with acting either. Anyway, Jack knew more about being unemployed than just about anyone else, so.
“The first thing one must accomplish in order to be successfully unemployed,” Jack began, “is to find a wealthy friend. The wealthier, the better, children. Or perhaps you yourself are wealthy! In that case, it is your burden to pay it forward, if you will. Find a less privileged friend and sponsor him in his unemployment! It’s all about generosity, dear students.”
“Your activity for today is simple,” he announced. “Divide into pairs – one of you will be fortunate enough to work with me – and take turns sweet-talking one another out of money! But first, consider what you need the money for. I personally use my wealthy friend for pursuits such as new tracksuits from Barney’s, or gym membership payments, or my rent.” He paused, then giggled. “Actually, my mom pays that one.”
“So!” Jack clapped his hands together. “Partner off! You may feel free to approach me with any questions or concerns you may have.” He glanced at some of the male students, then added, “Especially you.”
He was so, so ethical.