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fandomhigh2010-11-09 07:56 am
ivejustinvented.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2010-11-09 07:56 am
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The Mathematics of Quantum Neutrino Fields; Tuesday, Period 4 [ 11/09 ].
"I feel," Farnsworth said to his class today as things got started, "that today is a very good day to discuss a very important topic in the subject of Quantum Neutrino Fields, and that is what I like to call Let's Hope You're Not Your Own Grandfather."
"The Grandfather Paradox is a fun little quirk in the theory of time travel in which you are your own grandfather. Or grandmother in the case of you unfortunate ones who have female parts. Let's say, just for funsies, you wound up traveling back in time, accidentally, or perhaps intentionally, killed your grandfather, and then met your grandmother who, guess what, was actually a total babe. Unable to help yourself, you have a nice little fling with her and knock her up with, of all people, your father. Or, conversely, if one grandparent died, then one of your parents would never be conceived, and, therefor, unless you want to cease to exist entirely, you must man up and do the deed with your grandmother instead. Or perhaps you were meant to travel back in time and be your own grandparent the whole time, in which case not doing it will throw off the entire balance of the entire space time continuum.
"Luckily, there's a formula!"
Of course there was. And of course it was all seemingly nonsense, which probably wasn't helped by the fact that Farnsworth was discussing sex with your grandparents on a day like today.
"And before any of you tell me that this is impossible, I'd like to present to you Exhibit A." Here, Farnsworth pulled down a shade with the image of an awkward young man with red hair. "This unfortunate waste of human material actually somehow shares genetics with me, though I do not know and do not care to know which ones. His name is Philip J. Fry, and he is his own grandfather. He's my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great uncle, and I was there when it happened. Well, not there there, but in the past there, and I saw the morning after and it wasn't pretty. But, one could argue, as disgusting and immoral as it may be, without Fry doing to the nasty in the pasty with his own grandmother, I would not be here today.
"So what does this all mean for you? Well, we will be going to the Danger Shop for a simulated time travel space bar experience in which you will be thrown in with many other young nubile singles, some of who maybe your own relatives, some of whom may not be. It will be a hotbed of uncertainty and hormones as you try to figure out if this woman resembles that blue haired lush you call Nana or not, and if, by sleeping with her, you will be ruining your existence or ensuring it. Don't everybody get up at once, let's go."
Forget lectures on horrifying STD to scare a little bit of abstinence into these raging balls of USTs. Farnsworth was going to try to do it with Quantum Physics.
[[ wait for the ocd! ]]
[[ Previous Classes ]]
"The Grandfather Paradox is a fun little quirk in the theory of time travel in which you are your own grandfather. Or grandmother in the case of you unfortunate ones who have female parts. Let's say, just for funsies, you wound up traveling back in time, accidentally, or perhaps intentionally, killed your grandfather, and then met your grandmother who, guess what, was actually a total babe. Unable to help yourself, you have a nice little fling with her and knock her up with, of all people, your father. Or, conversely, if one grandparent died, then one of your parents would never be conceived, and, therefor, unless you want to cease to exist entirely, you must man up and do the deed with your grandmother instead. Or perhaps you were meant to travel back in time and be your own grandparent the whole time, in which case not doing it will throw off the entire balance of the entire space time continuum.
"Luckily, there's a formula!"
Of course there was. And of course it was all seemingly nonsense, which probably wasn't helped by the fact that Farnsworth was discussing sex with your grandparents on a day like today.
"And before any of you tell me that this is impossible, I'd like to present to you Exhibit A." Here, Farnsworth pulled down a shade with the image of an awkward young man with red hair. "This unfortunate waste of human material actually somehow shares genetics with me, though I do not know and do not care to know which ones. His name is Philip J. Fry, and he is his own grandfather. He's my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great uncle, and I was there when it happened. Well, not there there, but in the past there, and I saw the morning after and it wasn't pretty. But, one could argue, as disgusting and immoral as it may be, without Fry doing to the nasty in the pasty with his own grandmother, I would not be here today.
"So what does this all mean for you? Well, we will be going to the Danger Shop for a simulated time travel space bar experience in which you will be thrown in with many other young nubile singles, some of who maybe your own relatives, some of whom may not be. It will be a hotbed of uncertainty and hormones as you try to figure out if this woman resembles that blue haired lush you call Nana or not, and if, by sleeping with her, you will be ruining your existence or ensuring it. Don't everybody get up at once, let's go."
Forget lectures on horrifying STD to scare a little bit of abstinence into these raging balls of USTs. Farnsworth was going to try to do it with Quantum Physics.
[[ wait for the ocd! ]]
[[ Previous Classes ]]