The Art of Cool: Class 6, Period 2 (Friday, February 15)

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

It was the first day of a new dating season and Barney was a little excited about the mocking he'd get to do at the event that evening as he greeted his co-teacher with a smile and a mug of...something that wasn't coffee.

Dating! Dates! Lots of hot men and maybe some of them would be tiny! ... Not like that. Tink couldn't wait to meet all of those available menfolk and how had Barney's Valentine's Day been, anyway?

"I had a wonderful evening at the bar, hitting on women who'd dumped their failure boyfriends for not buying them flowers and candy," Barney would never have a planned V-Day date. It took all of the showmanship out of it. "What about yourself, any lucky men get to spend some time with the gorgeous Ms. Bell?"

Of course. Many. Several. Lots. She couldn't remember their names, but that did not mean in any way that she had had an unfortunate encounter with a jingle bell. Those were just vicious lies.

Barney would never want to bring about her rage, so he shook his head, "Of course, you'd never have such a problem. You're far too petite." Barney looked around the room, a little distracted. "Now tonight is about witnessing the outright embarrassment and horror that is a school dance, what should we mock them for beforehand?"

Mocking! Mocking other people was good! And a school dance meant that some of them were going to go out and pay someone to do hideous, terrible things to their already horrifying, insanely bad hair! Could they do that? Could they? Could they?

"Why not? Look at Weasley, it's as if a raccoon gave birth up there," Barney shuddered, glancing at the TA in horror.

By the way, his sister sent her regards, and had said a few ominous things about having more pictures should he continue to interfere in her love life.

"Oh look, here's the one she sent you, big enough to blow up to show the whole class!" Barney clicked the remote and displayed an image of Ron.


Oh, Tink loved teaching. And their TA. And being paid to mock students. Really, the pay wasn't all that much, but it was the principle of the matter, no?

"Not to mention getting students to do things like, say, critique and style each other's hair," Barney added.

Of course not, they were teenagers and dim. But that was why Barney and Tink were here, to light the way. Or at least give them some very, very clear visual aids on things that you should never do with your hair or anyone else's. For example: looking like the Bride of Frankenstein was generally what we liked to call bad.



"If you think the girls are fuggo, check out this dude," Barney clicked to the next picture. "Some trampy ex left behind her crimper and this misguided fool went to town and then decided an all-night rage at the drag club was in order."



Ha'annggha was getting better every day at communicating with these strange ape-people who were considerably less hairy than her wolf-pack.



Barney grunted in mockery of Ha'annggha. "Oh, here's my favorite. She's making me want to break out a guitar and sing Hungry Like the Wolf. Let's give her a call and invite her to join us in a new century.



Remember, kids. It's all fun and games until someone shoves someone else's hair into a blender. She'll survive, but that blender ... it died horribly.



"Maybe she was screwing around with Mr. Douchebag-in-an-ascot here. Step up ladies, there's something for everyone when you've got that hair, that smile, and that girly silk blouse wrapped around your neck.



Someone should please tell that man the 80s were over. Perhaps he was dating the Duran Duran girl? Ugh. Those pictures managed to be even more unattractive than their students. Tink needed a drink.

"I'll pour you some absinthe while the students give their assessments of the next few horrors," Barney offered, filling his coffee mug from a glass decanter while he spoke.


[ooc: picspam abuse inside, beware on slow loading speeds!]