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Adventures in Sheep Farming, Monday

Mon, 16 Aug 2021 17:11:42 GMT

Posted by: doesnotkneel

"Right, I'm just done with this," Edward announced.

He was sitting on a stump in front of the barn and he did, in fact, look very done with this.

"Today, we're dyeing sheep," he said. "If we have to deal with these bloody creatures, at least we can have some fun with it, aye?"

He was totally dyeing the black flag onto a sheep.

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Adventures in Sheep Farming, Monday

Mon, 09 Aug 2021 14:25:29 GMT

Posted by: doesnotkneel

The class would find not Edward, but a merry-looking bald pirate at the front of the class today. Or, well. 'Amidst the herd of sheep currently chewing on grass and minding its own business'.

"Hello!" he announced. "I'm 'fraid the good captain has been laid out by the bastard flu!"

He seemed to falter after that bit.

... He hadn't thought much further ahead.

"Ah, would anyone be in for a game of Maw?"

A sheep parked itself in front of him and promptly laid down on his feet.

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Adventures in Sheep Farming, Monday

Mon, 02 Aug 2021 16:23:07 GMT

Posted by: doesnotkneel

"Since clearly you lot don't know how to embrace freedom," Edward said, as he awaited the students in the Danger Shop barn.

He was holding a shovel.

"Why don't I remind you wankers of what the sheep farming life is really about?" He nodded towards the barn behind him. "Miles of shit. Shovel it outside. Can't let the bloody sheep sit around in that filthy mess now, can we?"

Joke was on Edward - sort of. Every other sheep was a rainbow sheep.

Turned out rainbow sheep shat rainbow sugar candy. Who knew?

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Adventures in Sheep Farming, Monday

Mon, 26 Jul 2021 17:08:35 GMT

Posted by: doesnotkneel

"I don't know about you lot," Edward announced, "But I am bloody tired of the moose forcin' us to deal with sheep all the time."

Yes, he had once again been assigned the Danger Shop, and it had once again supplied him only with a replica of the English countryside and a ton of sheep.

"I say we give it the finger," he continued, "As you say in this day and age."

He pointed at a bag. "I brought many silly bathing suits and caps," he said. "And I checked, this-- room is full of soulless Englishmen."

He cleared his throat.

"The sea's about thirty minutes' run from here," he said. "I say we give all these people something to speak to the moose about."

He pulled off his robe to reveal... thematic board shorts. "Let's go, then!"

He was having a week. And yes, he knew it was Monday.

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Adventures in Sheep Farming, Monday

Mon, 19 Jul 2021 17:00:39 GMT

Posted by: doesnotkneel

"Right, so the last few weeks were a bloody farce, and I'll hear no more word spoken of them," said Edward. He was used to quite a bit at sea, but at least on a ship you could occasionally take a dip into the ocean instead of finding yourself stuck with a large set of bored, smelly pirates constantly.

... also, on the Jackdaw, he had his own cabin. That helped.

"Today we're back to sheep farming and why you should never become a bloody farmer," he said. "And I'm startin' you lot off kindly with the shearing, which is the least bloody terrible part of the job. And it's still bloody terrible."

He cleared his throat, and spoke louder. "First you're going to grab the sheep properly. Hook your thumb in its mouth and pull its head to the side, then put her down gently."

As gently as you could with those instructions, anyway. "You start trimmin' at the breast with these," he said, holding up a weird... scissors-like thing. "Then you roll the fleece gently towards the sheep's shoulder as you're cuttin'. Place one knee behind its back and hold her in place by putting your foot on the other side. Once you get everything up to the head, you put 'er on her rump and sheer the rest of it, movin' on to the back and then the other side."

Beat. "Easy as Hell'll never be, but boring. Don't feel ashamed if you find yourself wanting to tap out halfway into this dull endeavour. Now. The sheep!"

He turned around, and... a whole flock of rainbow sheep wandered into the Danger Shop pasture.

"Of course," he sighed.

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