Fandom High School

Badass Bitch Survival Guide: Multiverse Edition; Monday, Second Period [12/13].

2021-12-13T10:46:13Z

Posted by: somethingwithturquoise

Just for shits and giggles, Summer decided that she was going to go ahead and hold this last class for the semester in the danger shop....classroom sim. Look. It was never going to get old, okay? But at least she was running the one from ages ago where, occasionally, some dinosaur or other weird flying creature would pass by the window, just to make things mildly more interesting.

She leaned on the front of the desk at the front of the classroom, arms folded and faintly grinning as she looked them over and shook her head.

"So," she said, "I know I talked about this last week, but since this is our finals week, I'm not going to make you guys take some lame test or something, but, instead, I want to sort of focus on the idea that everyone's definition of badass is going to be a little different. Both me and Rosa, for example, believe in a few of the same badass virtues, but our approaches and execution are pretty different. And that's a good lesson all its own; badass comes in many different flavors. And that's why, today, for your last class, we're going to explore what badass means to all of you. Simple as that. Sort of like a final essay, except I'm not making you write it, you just have to come up here, give a little speech about what being a Badass Bitch means to you, open yourself up to questions and discussion from the class, and hopefully, like, inspire each other or some shit like that, and we can go forth in our badassery, so on and so forth. Easy."

She grinned faintly at them again.

"Who's going first?"

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Badass Bitch Survival Guide: Multiverse Edition; Monday, Second Period [12/06

2021-12-06T10:19:16Z

Posted by: somethingwithturquoise

"Oh, hey, look at that," said Summer, once everyone was hopefully rerouted to the Danger Shop and ready to go. "I'm back! While it's been no Math, this class has been through a little bit of a tonal whiplash the semester, huh? But it looks like Rosa's still out, so, I don't know, I guess balance has been restored to the universe or some shit because we're back where we started, which is my class, thus multidimensional, thus Danger Shop.

"But you know what?" she added. "There's an important lesson in there for a badass bitch. Adaptability. Rolling with the punches. Dealing with three very different teacher attempting to generally teach you on the same subject and having pretty disparite views on it. A good lesson in knowing that most of us are probably just bullshitting anyway, so it's up to you to really decide what's helpful for you and what works, and dismiss everything else that isn't. And that's what we're going to work on a little bit today, but I'm going to add another layer to it, because I just spent the last few months working with a kickass team in space, and it's really shown me something you'll probably never hear Rosa Diaz talking about in one of her classes, and that's teamwork.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she said, waving her hand a little. "Let's cut out all the cheesy Sunday morning cartoon bullshit about the power of friendship and shit like that, but, seriously, legitimately, one of the most badass things ever is having a good solid team that you know you can rely and depend on, and one of the key componants of that is knowing what everyone's strengths are and knowing how to use them to your advantage. And sure, if it weren't for me," excuse her a moment to preen, thank you, "using my portal gun to open up a connection to a denim dimension to destroy the New, NOT-So-Improved Galactic Federation's entire weapons system, it would have taken months more to finally defeat them. But, in the process, it was using the various strength and skills of our badass team of lady space rebels that got us there, and, really, I wouldn't have even had a portal gun if it weren't for my super-genius boyfriend and a mutual desire to get petty revenge on my sociopathic grampa by stealing and improving on his own design.

"So today," she finally concluded, "what I want you guys to do is take some time to get to know each other and what special skills one might contribute to a situation. Then, we're going to plop you into a situation and you have to work together to get through it, but the important thing is that everyone has to use their skills or talent or whatever in some way. Even if it's little, you're not only trying to solve the problem, but you've also got to figure out how to make everyone be able to shine a little bit. Maybe it'll all work out naturally, and you support eachother without even thinking. Or maybe it's a little bit of a pinch to work in someone's cat-juggling skills, but I bet you guys can definitely find a way to make it happen.

"Alright, twenty minute jam session, then off we go!"

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The Art of Battle Tactics AND Badass Bitch Survival Guide; Monday, Second Period [11/29].

2021-11-29T10:15:36Z

Posted by: sake_shinigami

Even though Rosa was still out and Summer could technically take BABSG back since it was her class to begin with (this semester, at least), Shunsui had planned to be covering for at least two weeks, so he already had a plan, and as a favor to both lovely ladies, he would, again, let his AoBT class know to meet a period later than usual, and let them all know that their class would be held, once more, in the gym.

And he was back to full-robes and haori, if only because it made the thing being taught today look much cooler.

"Good morning, all my battle and badass ducklings ♥!" he greeted, surrounded, once again, by many mats. "Today, we will be learning more about defense, this time in the form of a Japanese martial art known as Aikido. Loosely translated, Aikido can mean 'the Way of unifying with life energy' or 'the Way of harmonious spirit' ♥. The whole concept behind Aikido is that a person may defend themselves against an attacker without actually harming the attacker in the process. One takes the motion of the attacker and redirects the force of it, rather than meeting it head-on; this does not even require much physical strength, because you are using the attacker's own strength and energy against him, with entering and turning movements &heaerts;. Various joint locks and throws will complete the process ♥.

Shusnui smiled a bit there, tilting his head as he looked over the class. "Allow me to demonstrate. Once again, I will be calling upon the lovely Astrid-chan," he nodded to her and she stepped forward with a shake of her head, still a little surprised that she'd agreed to do all this, she was pretty sure it definitely wasn't in her job description at Turtle & Canary to be a class assistant in martial arts she barely knew, but she actually didn't mind. In a way? It was kind of exhillerating. And it was good to have the refresher; she'd taken some of his Aikido lessons in previous classes, too.

They had even planned for it, that Shunsui would not know exactly how Astrid would attack, and she chose what would have been a combination attack of two alternating hooks and a nice classic kick to the groin (because how often did you get the chance to kick your teacher/boss in the groin?), but after Shunsui deftly avoided the first two punches, he executed a few moves that deflected and turned away each subsequent move on Astrid's part after that, without even losing his hat, until she was down on the mat.

"Like poetry in motion ♥!" Shunsui beamed, offering out a hand to help Astrid back to her feet. "Now, to break it down for you all...." He nodded to Astrid to see if she was good to continue, and, using her as an example, he walked the students through the implemantations of Aikido.

"And now," he smiled again as he settled into another loose stance, "the reverse ♥. Astrid-chan will now demonstrate, so you can see that, even though she is quite smaller than myself, with less experience, she can also use the same moves effortlessly with the right application. It is not always a matter of the bigger combatant winning ♥."

It was now Shunsui who rushed at Astrid, perhaps not as expertly as he may have when he did this class demonstration with Rosa in the past, especially sine he could feel the nervousness radiating off of Astrid, but she went to the task of executing the movements herself, not nearly as assured or graceful, but, eventually, it was now Shunsui who had his back to the mat....

Though he still kept his hat.

He chuckled, pushing himself back up to his feet. "Now, there are some criticisms for Aikido, as there are with many things. Some say the attacks done in practise or training are not entirely realistic. But it is also a spiritual thing, and some feel not enough emphasis is placed on that spiritual aspect, that it becomes too much about competition and defense. It is a philosophy that acknowledges that, yes, there are bad people in the world and to ignore that is dangerous. There are more shades to the spectrum than to just destroy something on one hand and just lying back and letting it destroy you on the other ♥. Aikido recognizes these other options in between and embraces them &heartsl.

"If hawks have always had that same nature, why should you pretend that mankind change theirs?'

"'Your duty is not to see that you get killed, but to take care that you don't.'"

Shunsui smiled again, bobbing his head in a nod. "So let us think about these things as I'll teach you a few more Aikido moves, and then I would like you to pair up and practise with each other. Remember, we are just diverting energy and the point is to avoiding harming the other person, even if they may intend to harm you ♥. Please ask any questions you may have, and allow me to demonstrate more should you feel you need a bit more guidance on the moves ♥."

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The Art of Battle Tactics AND Badass Bitch Survival Guide; Monday, Second Period [11/22].

2021-11-22T10:11:36Z

Posted by: sake_shinigami

And it would seem that Shunsui's Art of Battle Tactics class would have a little treat that Monday: a little extra time that morning before they were expected in class! They were to meet during second period instead today, in a message sent out to all of them at some point in time, and the second period class would join them in the gym, thanks to a note left on both classroom doors.

There they would find Shunsui waiting for them, the floor layered with mats and the instructor himself rather unlayers, in just his black Shinigai robes for the lesson, for better instructional purposes. And he waited a moment before he got started.

"Ohayō gozaimasu, ducklings ♥!" he greeted. "And welcome to this exciting merger of classes! For those of you who I have not yet me, my name is Shunsui Kyōraku, I teach the first period class, and, well, since your lovely Diaz-sensei could not make it for a few class and there rather is a thread of connection between her class and mine at times, she has ask me to graciously step in for a few lessons to teach both of our motley herd of ducklings the Art of Self-Defense ♥. Now, the scope of my own class is a bit broader than hand-to-hand combat, but it does play rather well into my ideals of avoiding harm when possible ♥. And Diaz-sensei would perhaps be a bit less reluctant to avoid causing harm in a situation, but today's class is all about manuevers to help detain an assailant to best escape a situatuion."

He nodded to the students, which was Astrid's cue to step forward, feeling mildly anxious about this, but, well, they had ~~oh so handwavily~~ pracitces, so it would be fine.

"Astrid-chan here will demonstrate some basic self-defense moves and then we will break them down a little further, including some body throws. While we demonstrate, take care to pay attention and perhaps take some time to stretch out and warm up, because when we are finished, excepting any questions, we will split up and pair off so that you can practice amongst yourselves.

"Well, then, Astrid-chan ♥? Shall we begin? This first one will be what's called a hammer strike..."

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Badass Bitch Survival Guide; Monday, Second Period [11/15].

2021-11-15T10:07:02Z

Posted by: died8yearsago

A small part of Rosa was actually a little disappointed that the whole 'turning into kids' thing really did last for just the weekend, because she had a great back-up plan for if her students were still awkward little babies, one that would definitely have made a few child pyschologist very concerned, but, well, looks like everyone was back to normal, so business as usual, and trying to think of which lessons were going to be the more important ones, since there was a good chance she was going to be off on an undercover job for a few weeks coming up.

"Alright," she said. "So, usually, we'd be looking at a few classes coming up having to do with self-defence, and some of that might be coming up still, but first, it's a good idea for a badass bitch who's probably going to get themselves in a lot of fights and scraps to know how to take care of themselves, so we're covering basic first aid skills first. This is also handy if any of your classmates or friends get injured, because then you'll know how to help them out, too; it'll just be a matter of whether or not you actually want to.

"There's also the fact that many of you might come from highly advanced societies with technology to just...regrow limbs or just take a pill and you're all better, or maybe you have magic in your world, so you can just say some archaic sounding words and wave your hand, and all better now. But, for everyone else, and just because it's a good idea to know how to do this because maybe you don't have access to that crap or your magic is all messed up or whatever, I don't really know how magic works, but I'm pretty sure this is all way more practical. You're not always going to be able to tap into that shit.

"Either way, a badass is prepared to take care of themselves and others in an emergency. So today we're going to go over three skills that can be pretty useful when the shit really hits the fan. We're going to go over how to clean and dress a wound, make a splint, and treat a variety of burns. If you already know how to do these things, good for you. You're very cool. Don't be a smart ass about it and help your less-cool classmates out."

So she went through and demonstrated each of the different skills with a clarity and thoroughness and ease that she would absolutely deny had anything to do with the fact that she'd been doing this as long as she had been now.

"All three of these things could perminently injure or disfigure a person if you don't do it right, but, you know, no pressure or anything. If you have any further questions, I'm sure you can go bug someone at the clinic. Anyway, so take a moment, pair up...or group up, I don't really care, just practice these skills on each other, don't mess anything up too badly, ask questions if you've got 'em. Cool?"

Cool.

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Badass Bitch Survival Guide; Monday, Second Period [11/08].

2021-11-08T10:18:14Z

Posted by: died8yearsago

With having lost about a good month of lessons for this class and having to then jump right into a heist which could have gone much better, in her not-so-humble opinion, Rosa wasn't exactly sure where to take this class next to make up for the clear damage that being stuck with Smith for those first lessons had caused. So she supposed she would just go back to the beginning, and treat the class like it was just getting started after all, and cram all the more important lessons in before the end of the semester.

Including one of her favorites, and while she still was loathed to admit that she even had favorite lessons for this class, the effort to amusement ratio was always nice: she barely had to do anything for it, but the students very rarely disappointed.

But who knew, with this group. They'd been tainted.

So they got to the classroom and find some seats, while Rosa just sat at the desk up front with her feet up, idly watching them as they filed in, they would find a list of names up on the board:

EMILY GOLDFINCH
SONIA RAMIREZ
DIANA VALLES
MARCIE BEAUCHAMP
ROSA DIAZ

Then she checked her watch again, sighed, and launched into the class from her nice comfortable spot at the desk. "Alright," she said, "let's get started. This is usually my first lesson for this class, but since that kind of got fucked up, we're doing it a little late in the game. It doesn't matter. that means introductions, especially when there's some new faces, but here's the thing. It usually ties in with the first week nicely because everyone and their mother is doing introductions, and the whole point is that I don't really care who you are. Especially since a badass bitch should be able to be just about anyone."

She gestured at the names on the board.

"These are some different identities and aliases I've used in the past, that I'm okay with sharing because, for some reason or another, I can't really use them very effectively around here any more, or various other places around the country. For all intents and purposes, if you look at the paperwork, they're all actual, real people, with ID and history, they'll pass a background check, they've got goals, they've got some real estate and businesses. And they can all be pretty handy in the pursuit of baddassery. A good, solid alternate identity to disappear into can be a useful survival tool to any badass bitch, and not even just for throwing off creeps and people," she gestured vaguely toward them now, "you just don't want to talk to.

"So today," she continued, "I've giving you five minutes. Come up with a good secret identity or alternate persona. Convince me you're someone you're not. If it's believable, you're free to go. If it's not, keep trying. Simple enough, right? And, let's be honest, none of us really want to be here right now, least of all me, so take a few moments, and when you're ready, come on up, and let's see what you've got."

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Badass Bitch Survival Guide; Monday, Second Period [11/01].

2021-11-01T09:20:44Z

Posted by: died8yearsago

It was a good ten minutes before Rosa finally came into the classroom, striding in with purpose and large cooler in her hands, which she set on the desk at the front of the room loudly. Then, always one for a dramatic entrance when the moment called for it, flipped the lid off, sent it flying and clattering to the floor, and then reached her hand into the mass of jello that was inside and yanked out the Badass Bitch hatchet that was still inside.

She lifted both the hatchet and her eyebrow.

"Guess I win this year," she said, then smacked the business end of the hatchet into the desk again, which was...slightly dulled by the jello still clinging to it.

She shook her hand, which dislodged some of the jello now clinging to her arm, before grabbing a towel to do a more effective job. "At least one of you managed to at least get something," she said, "even if that means the best bitch in this group is still a Fake Ass Bitch. That's fine. That just means we have a lot of work to do because the moose kind of screwed you all over with the first month of this class.

"But for now, it's tradition that the day after the Heist, we watch highlights from the security footage around the office. And there's a bunch of cheap Halloween candy I picked up at Turtle & Canary for you, too, even if I'm not sure you really deserve it."

Which was why most (but not all! Rosa wasn't a complete tyrant, you guys!) of it was absolutely Thanksgiving Dinner flavored candy corn.

It was definitely a thing now.

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Badass Bitch Survival Guide; Monday, Second Period [10/25].

2021-10-25T09:38:47Z

Posted by: died8yearsago

Rosa was standing in front of a large map hanging over the board at the start of class, and she wasted no time in getting started once everyone was there.

"This," she announced, whacking the map with a long pointer stick, "is a map of the teachers' offices here at the school. This," the pointer smacked on a stack of papers on the desk, "is a list of names that correspond with those offices. And this," she set down the pointer and instead hefted up a very shiny hatchet that had been sitting next to the papers, "is the Badass Bitch Survival Guide's Badass Bitch axe."

What did all of these have to do with each other?

Give her a second, she was getting to it!

"And next Sunday is Halloween, which means it's time for our Annual Badass Bitch Halloween Heist. Usually, this class up to this point is used to train you all in preparation for this event, but, obviously, things got a little screwed up and we didn't have as much time as we usually do. So hopefully you don't all screw it up too badly. But basically, what this is, is a chance for you to use your skills, to work with each other, to work against each other, and generally be badass to try to be the one who has this," she hefted up the hatchet again, "in your possession by class next week. Pretty simple, right?

"Maybe.

"You see, this hatchet will be hidden in one of these," the blunt side of the axe tapped on the map again, "offices. It's your job to not only figure out which one, but to also secure the axe and manage to keep it until after Halloween. Many of the teachers have converted their offices into little traps, puzzles, and other challenges for you to face in your quest to find the hatchet, so you have to be careful, you have to be smart, you have to be sneaky, and you have to be badass."

With that, she dramatically swung the axe so that it thunked into the wood of the desk.

Don't worry about it; she'll pay for it.

"Everything officially starts at midnight tonight. You can work together, but just remember that only one person can claim the title, so together can only get you so far. You can use the class period today to strategize with your classmates if you want, or to ask me any questions involving the heist, or make your own strategies, or if you feel you're better off planning outside of the classroom right now, then go do that. I expect at least one of you to walk in here next week victorious."

And if not? She was definitely blaming that on having lost a whole month of working with these students and blaming it 100% on Summer Smith.

"Don't disappoint me."

[[ the BABHH 2021 Master Post to keep track of all shenanigans and happenings can be found here! This will be your one-stop shop for all questions, check-ins, changes, thoughts, ideas, etc, etc, etc! ]]

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Badass Bitch Survival Guide; Monday, Second Period [10/18-.

2021-10-18T11:31:13Z

Posted by: died8yearsago

When the students got to the classroom that morning, they would find, sitting on the desk at the front of the room, a box of very nicely decorated donuts (most of them very much fall themed--maple, pumpkin spice, apple cider) from J,GoB, and that was it.

No note, no sign, definitely no teacher.

Just donuts.

That's all.

(Or was it?)

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Badass Bitch Survival Guide; Monday, Second Period [10/04].

2021-10-04T09:51:17Z

Posted by: died8yearsago

As it turned out, Rosa had actually had a completely normal weekend, was mostly unaware that anything had been abnormal (since a normal weekend for her involved not having to deal with anyone except for a select chosen few), and so now it was time to have a completely normal class.

No, not the math one. The one that encouraged break-ins and petty theft. Completely normal.

And when the students arrived, they'd find a sign on the door to redirect them to today's clas:

Gym.

When they arrived at their secondary location, they'd find the gym all decked out for an obstacle course, with some very specific focuses, and Rosa waiting for them, ready to begin.

"Stealth," she said. "Because there's a point in every badass bitch's life where they're going to need to sneak into or out of something without being noticed."

Especially when they were taking this class and it was now October, but she'll get to that when they were a little closer to Halloween.

"And unless you're some kind of magical ninja from who even knows where," or maybe you had a conveniently topical box on hand!, "and I don't care anyway, this sort of thing takes time, practice, and patience. So take a few minutes to stretch out, get limber, and then we're going to see just how well you can do getting through the courses without making a sound.

"First step: laser course. Only instead of real lasers, we've got ropes, and each rope has bells on it, so if you hit it, we know, I blow the whistle, and you start over. If you manage to make it through that, then we've got some ~~moddable~~ obstacles made of nice creaky wood, so they're noisy, and if you're too noisy, back to the start. And then there's the window." Yes, the good old freestanding wall with a nice, easily-jammed-when-opened window in it was back, baby! "Get this thing open and slip out without too much noise. Out of all this crap, this one's probably the most useful. Be careful, though, because there's some bells on the other side. Wouldn't want to set one off and have to start over again. And finally, if you think you're real badass, we have this rope climb. A rope. With a bell on it. If you can manage to get to the top without ringing the bell, what are you even doing in this class? There's probably nothing I can teach you. But if anyone wants to try, I'm all for it. Even minimal ringing on that one's good work.

"A few tips: don't be afraid to take your time. Focus on your breathing and the balls of your feet and keeping low to the ground. Don't let something like clothing or hair trip you up: a buckle scraped at the wrong moment could give you up like that. I know there's some of you who can probably do this without much trouble because of powers or abilities or whatever, which is great, get the extra practice in, but this is more for the people who actually don't have those same advantages. And to give you all an idea and prove that I'm not just full of shit, as someone without," presumably, anyway, cough, "any special abilities...I'll show you what I mean."

She shrugged off her jacket, tossed it aside, rolled her neck a little, and approached the first course. One deep breath, a pause, and then she swept through the tangle of cross-crossing ropes in a fluid motion that she hadn't spent all morning practicing to make sure it was perfect or anything, shut up, but, yeah, flawless, and thank god, because that would have sucked to biff it like that right in front of the class, but she'd been ~~copy-pasting~~ performing this example for years now, she could pretty much do it in her sleep now.

"Any questions?" she asked. "Take five, warm up, then we'll get started. You," she quirked her chin at literally anyone, there was no way you could tell if she had a particular person in mind, "you'll go first. And keep in mind, this might actually be useful to you later this month. For...reasons."

Anyone who'd spent more than a year here could probably guess, but let's not ruin the surprise for those who hadn't, yeah?

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Badass Bitch Survival Guide: OG Revival; Monday, Second Period [09/06].

2021-09-27T09:29:20Z

Posted by: died8yearsago

The students would have received instructions to meet in a classroom that morning...no, not the danger shop classroom that might have been funny if it was anyone else doing it, but an actual classroom, and they would be waiting in there at least five minutes past the official start of class before the door burst open, and Rosa walked in, lugging with her a large sack of something that clattered like metal, and stopped to look over the class, her eyes narrowed with judgement and consideration.

"Good news," she announced. "This class just got rebooted. We're going back to its roots, to where it should be, and we've already lost a lot of time. So there's no point in hedging around it, we've got a lot of work to do, and we've got actual skills to learn that will actually be useful, not just getting thrown into random, outlandish situations that even around this messed-up school are not very likely to happen to most people. Starting with...."

It was at this point that Rosa, standing behind desk at the front of the classroom, overturned the large sack and rained a variety of different locks, door locks, car locks, pad locks, digital locks, puzzle locks you name it, onto the desk and onto the floor, and then she also whipped out a few lock picking kits, a sleeve of bobby pins, a few wire hangers, and some pocket knives, and set them down more gently on top of the pile.

"Lockpicking.

"So unless the state of badassery in the student body has gone down significantly under Smith's tutelage, my guess is that some of you probably already know this skill, or you could possibly have some sort of weird magic abilities that allow you to do it with a wave of your hand or a little abracadabra or whatever, but it's always good to practice and it never hurts to know how to do it in a pinch where you might not be able to do all your fancy little shortcuts for whatever reason.

"You never know when you'll accidentally forget your keys or whatever and be locked out of your house, your apartment, your car, you safety deposit box....or when you'll be locked in somewhere and need to get out." Guess which happened more often, go on, guess! "And those are pretty much the only two situations where this very useful skill would ever come in handy. Obviously, nothing else, but if you do get it in your little brains to practice around the island...just remember how bored the cops around here are. Trust me, I should know." Her nose wrinkled with distaste. "I used to be one.

"Now," she continued, "there are a few different techniques and methods, and each lock is slightly different, so it's good to try a lot of different ways...Pay attention, because I'm only going to show you these once." Which was not true, she would go over them again, but if she said that, then she was guaranteed to have to go over it more than once. But, as it were, she went through some demonstrations with the different locks, different tools, and ended with a rousing and surely inspiring moment of, "And when in doubt....just smash it," which involved showing just how well the butt of a pistol can smash a lock if you hit it just right.

"There," she concluded, "now you'll never have to worry about being locked out of your house or apartment or car again, which is the only situations in which this skill will ever be used."

That emphasis was the closest thing to a wink Rosa was ever going to get. Hopefully, they were smart enough to figure it out. Hopefully, they hadn't already been ruined by a month of Smith's influence so far.

"Any questions? If not, we'll spend the rest of the hour just trying different locks or tools, or sharing if you've got any other methods that I haven't already covered that doesn't involve things like magic that might be specific to you and not very useful to everyone else involved."

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Badass Bitch Survival Guide: Multiverse Edition; Monday, Second Period [09/20].

2021-09-20T11:26:09Z

Posted by: somethingwithturquoise

Guess what, everybody! The class was meeting in the Danger Shop this weekend, but it was not set up like a classroom this time! In fact, it was set up to be almost exactly like a certain planet destroying spaceship that Summer had been in recently, with all its glowingly illuminated dark hallways, dramatic glowing chambers, and glowing terminal rooms staffed by ubiquitous bug aliens, because someone was using her teaching gig as a way to work through some issues again!

"Alright, guys," Summer started, "I don't know how many of you had had to deal with something like this personally, but it's kind of startling how much it comes up that an evil galactic space empire...or, if you're not really used to the whole space thing, just a regular evil empire taking over various lands and subjugating people with, like, swords and on horseback and shit...shows up trying to mess things up, even after you pretty much thought you already kicked their ass to oblivious, but, nope, apparently, they've been building themselves back up in secret to be even bigger and stronger and in a lot of cases stupider than before, which, you know, is just annoying. It's like when there's a fly in your house and you chase it out the window, only to have it come flying right back again, and you're like fine, okay, I guess we're going to need a bigger flyswatter this time, huh? Maybe one with lasers, see how you like that.

"Anyway," she continued, "hopefully, you won't ever actually have to deal with this sort of thing, but, really, one of the most badass things you can do as a Badass Bitch of the Multiverse is take down evil galactic empires...or just regular evil empires, whatever your situation may be...whenever they decide to pop up like a gross pimple right on prom night, right? Right. So that's what we're working on today. Resourcefulness and figuring out exactly how to go about doing that.

"So this here," she gestured at the ship around them, "is a planet destroying ship called, oh, gee, I don't know, let's just go with the NX-6. We've just infiltrated it, and not a moment too soon, because it's got its planet destroying laser set on Earth, with Fandom Island as its first target, as we speak. Luckily," she dramatically revealed a metal trunk that she opened to reveal a small stock-pile of laser and plasma weapons, "we are armed, but we are also severely outnumbered. What we need to do is figure out how to a) stop the laser from blowing up Earth and/or b) find the guy in charge and see what we can do to make sure that we're not doing the same thing with another planet destroying ship next week.

"Obviously, you have your own natural skills and resources available to you, but also these weapons, some comm gear, and these data watches," she started tossing them out to the students, "with some of the data our research has collected which mostly includes maps of the ship. From here on in, it's on you guys. Are you going to work together? Partner up, split up, divide and conquer? Do you want to go out on your own? Any questions you want answered before you move forward? We have until the end of the class period before our simulated Earth goes bye-bye; if you die or something sets the explosion off before then, you start back here at square one. Kind of like...respawning in a video game, I think. I don't know, I'm not a nerd, I don't really play video games.

"But enough talk!" She reached into the trunk to pull out a gun about half her size and cocked it, charging it up with a satisfying whrrr, for dramatic effect. "We've got a multiverse to save. What'll you do?"

Summer had meant it as an actual question to the students to get the class started, of course, but there was definitely a part of her that took it for herself and wryly informed her that it definitely didn't involve teaching a class on some small island in a different dimension...

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Badass Bitch Survival Guide: Multiverse Edition; Monday, Second Period [09/13].

2021-09-13T09:28:21Z

Posted by: somethingwithturquoise

The class was meeting in the Danger Shop again! Was the Danger Shop set up like just a normal ass classroom again? Yup! Never not funny, don't even.

But at least Summer added a few little touched like the fact that occasionally, a dinosaur would pass by the windows outside today, for those who might be paying attention.

"Okay, so," Summer started, leaning on the desk at the front of the classroom and grinning over at them, "today, I wanted to talk about supplies, because I'm pretty sure you'd be hard pressed to find someone who would try to deny that a Badass Bitch is always prepared. Now, of course, we could talk about a lot of the standard supplies you might want to have on hand in the case you might need them: weapons, first aid, sustinence, those sorts of things. Obviously, those are things you want to have in your ready pack or always at least on hand. But what about some of the things that maybe aren't so obvious? Because out there in the multiverse, you can experience a lot of unexpected things out there, and sometimes, what you need on hand isn't what you typically think of when gearing up for an adventure.

"So today, I wanted us to work together on putting together our own sort of ready kit for these sorts of things. The expected things I mentioned? Weapons, first aid, food and water? Those are accounted for. Those are, like, you know, standard issue. What we're putting together now are the upgrades, the shit that's really going to up the resale value on your life, if you know what I mean? We'll go around, and I want everyoen to offer at least one or two maybe unconventional or lesser considered things to make sure you've got ready to go when you get out there into the multiverse to be a badass bitch."

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Badass Bitch Survival Guide: Multiverse Edition; Monday, Second Period [09/06].

2021-09-06T09:46:14Z

Posted by: somethingwithturquoise

The class would be meeting in the danger shop, which was set up like a classroom, because Summer would seriously never not find that absolutely hilarious, and it would be clear as the students filed in to take a seat that she was ready and eager to go.

"Okay!" she said. "Hey, guys! Welcome back. Sooooo, now that your first week is out of the way, it's time to start really devling into the nitty-gritty of all of this, and I figured a really helpful place to start would just be based on simple terminology and concepts. And, clearly, it's going to be more challenging to know how to be a Badass Bitch of the Multiverse if you don't even know what the Multiverse is. So? What is it?"

Here, Summer turned to write MULTIVERSE on the blackboard, in very big letters, with a line underneath it for emphasis.

( The Multiverse! )

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Badass Bitch Survival Guide; Monday, Second Period [08/30].

2021-08-30T10:09:02Z

Posted by: somethingwithturquoise

If the moose was going to insist that a goddamn institution at this school like the Badass Bitch Survival Guide was to go in a different direction this semester, then, goddammit, Summer was going to take it in a different direction, crash it into a tree, refurbish the thing from the scraps, and make it her own. If anything, she felt those differences would distinguish her class from Rosa's enough that they were safely avoiding any copycat or copyright infringement territories, and, honestly, it was kind of just a name, Summer was pretty much planning on teaching the same multiversinal bullshit she usually taught.

Which was why the students were directed to meet in the Danger Shop for this class (and most classes to follow), and when they got there, they'd find themselves entering a space bar filled with all sorts of colorful and interesting characters that was not at all remnicent of iconic space bars from other wildly popular sci-fi franchises, how dare you.

That's right, Summer was holding her first class in a fake space bar. Tell her that wasn't completely on brand, though. Go on. She'll wait!

She did, however, call out from the large booth she'd commandeered for the class, waving a hand and waving them over. "Hey, everyone! Over here, come have a seat!" she said, taking particular care to notice how her various new ~~victims~~ students might react to some of the patrons around the bar as they made their way over.

"Awesome," she said, once everyone seemed to be there and joined her at the table. "Cool, so, obviously, you're all here for the Multiverse Edition of the Badass Bitch Survival Guide, and if you don't know me already, my name is Summer, I'm going to be your teacher for the semester, and we are going to have a lot of fun. Basically this class is sort of going to get you prepped for whatever the multiverse might try to throw at you, because, well, I'm sure most of you," she gave a particularly sympathetic smile to the one face in the group she definitely didn't recognize, although there were quite a few names on the list that were new-sih to her as well!, "already know or have sort of figured out that Fandom High is sort of a hub for this sort of thing. There's a good chance that all of us come from different places and background and universes, but we're all brought here together in this weird little school where your Monday morning classes are taking place in a fake space bar filled with alien creatures that you may have never seen before.

"Now, typically, the people on Fandom tend to run a little more humanoid, standard human shape," she continued, "with a few noteable exceptions." S'up, Sidon? "Which is why I wanted us to come here for our first class, because, as far as the universe goes? That's a little weird, and one of the first things to really get a grip on for Multiversinal Survival is knowing how not to gawk at that giant guy lumbering over there by the door or to at least pretend to not get grossed out by the person who is definitely oozing all over her stool.

"First, though, we're going to break the ice here," her hands sort of gestured over the table, "with each other, because we're going to be in this together, and we might as well get to know each other, right? So we'll do the whole introductions things, but I'd like you to also tell me...and your classmates...about where you're from in particular, because that's helpful to know what sort of place you're coming from, you know? Are you familiar with multiversinal travel already? What about space travel? Or just experience visiting other countries? Where are you coming from, and where would you like to go? That sort of thing.

"And," she smiled a little at them, "when we're done with that and we've kind of gotten comfortable with each other, the rest of the class is going to maybe push you out a little to get comfortable with...everyone else. I'd like you to go out there and introduce yourself to someone new, preferably someone you find particularly different and interesting. Strike up a conversation. Figure out if you can even communicate effectively with them. This is the Danger Shop, so it's all a simulation, so you don't have to worry about pissing someone off on accident and having them try to tear off your limbs or shoot you with a bone melting plasma ray. Today's class is mostly just about learning to be comfortable with what the multiverse might throw at you, and if you're already used to associating with a lot of different aliens or creatures, then you've kind of got a leg up this week. And if not? Then it's a good taste of what you can sort of expect from this class."

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Badass Bitch Survival Guide; Tuesday, First Period [12/15].

2020-12-15T10:32:23Z

Posted by: died8yearsago

Yesterday had been nice since Rosa could mostly ignore whatever was going on since there was maybe all of ten steps to be taken outside to get to work. And it was often that she mused on how nice it was to be living on the far side of the island now. But today was definitely one of those days where she could see how it was a little annoying having to try to get across the whole island just to teach a dumb class.

She might have canceled or just not bothered showing up after having to reroute for the fourth time due to marzipan, but this was the good class, so she kept on, showing up a bit late, but, when she did show up, she promptly just redirected the kids over to the danger shop where they could get started.

"I saved the best for last," she informed them, once she got everything set up, a pretty sweet set-up with a variety of weapons laid out on a few racks and tables, and some practice dummies that could actually move and sort of fight you back, as well as a shooting range off to the side.

"Weapons. We've got some classic melee and combat hand weapons, as well as range weapons from bows to crossbows to guns," and even one harpoon launcher! because why not? "I figured you've all got some level of experience with some weapons. but today might be a good chance to either pick up some more experience with things you're already familiar with or get the chance to....try something new. Hopefully, there's something new in there you haven't seen before that you can try out. If not...damn. Props. Maybe focus on something you're a little less familiar with than the others. Or, since it's the danger shop, maybe we can find something else for you, but there's a pretty good selection here, anyway. If you're really unsure how to best use a weapon, just ask. I can how to safely wield it. But if I see you using it like an idiot, I'd normally stop you, but it's the danger shop, so it's not like you'll actually get hurt. Get a feel for the weapons with the practice dummies there, or, if you're feeling really adventurous and since this is the danger shop, feel free to partner up and spar each other."

Because honestly, what better way to close out a class than just going hog-wild with some weapons?

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Badass Bitch Survival Guide; Tuesday, First Period [12/08].

2020-12-08T10:38:14Z

Posted by: died8yearsago

So this December, so far, hadn't actually been that bad. Sure, it was only a week into it, but either she'd gotten used to to this sort of thing, the island itself was getting kind of tired of it, or the really annoying stuff was still just ahead of them. Either way, she figured now would be a good time to pull this gem out for her class, and hope it didn't mean that she didn't get sidled with some random yoga class for next semester or something.

The class was directed to the gym again this week, which she figured might double as a subtle lesson in disappointment, because gym so far definitely usually meant something fight-y or stealth-y, but they weren't doing any of those things. In fact, the whole point was that they weren't doing anything fight-y (but it might help with the stealth-y).

"So," she started, "important part of survival is stress relief and keeping your body healthy and limber, because when you're all messed up and worried or stressed out or out of shape, you don't think straight, you're not focused, you're weak, you mess up. There's a lot of different forms of stress relief, some of which we've already covered,"--the fight-y stuff, she was talking about the fight-y stuff, "but sometimes, you're in a situation where you're just not going to be able to kick someone's head in, no matter how much they deserve it. So you have to channel that energy somewhere else. Personally, I like yoga.

"It also helps that yoga helps keep you limber and flexible, which has...many other benefits in...soooo many aspects of life."

Benefits she would not list here in class, because many of them were inappropriate for a school setting. They were smart kids. They could figure it out.

"In the West, when someone mentions yoga, they're usually referring to hatha yoga, which is just one branch of yoga, that involves a series of physical positions and breathing techniques as a sort of meditative process. Good for physical health and mental health. It's not going to be for everyone, either, and that's fine, too, but I"m just going to teach you few popular yoga techniques. Take it or leave it. I really don't care."

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Badass Bitch Survival Guide; Tuesday, First Period [12/01].

2020-12-01T11:04:13Z

Posted by: died8yearsago

"A couple of weeks ago," Rosa said, starting class with no fanfare or introduction, as they met in the classroom yet again for what was obviously going to be another discussion class, deal with it, "there was a class where I didn't come in, but there was a box of donuts on the desk. I'm sure at least some of you figured it wasn't just me forgetting to come in and the island just providing random donuts, although both of those would have been legitimate assumptions. It was actually a test. A set-up. For this class today.

"So...how many of you went ahead and helped yourself to the random donuts? How many of you abstained? Did you stick around for class or did you leave once you realized I wasn't showing up? Of course, I had security cameras on you guys the whole time, so I know what the answers are, but I want you guys to talk about why you did what you did and defend yourself on why you think your choice was the most badass one to have gone with. And for your trouble?"

Rosa reached under the desk and plopped another box of donuts on the desk.

"You get donuts again."

If you choose to accept them, anyway.

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Badass Bitch Survival Guide; Tuesday, First Period [11/24].

2020-11-24T10:53:08Z

Posted by: died8yearsago

The class would be meeting in the classroom that week, with Rosa sitting on the desk as she usually did when this was definitely a low-effort class because she didn't really want to deal with trying to come up with something good in addition to Thanksgiving stuff, so there you had it. And when everyone was there and she checked the watch that she wasn't wearing, she went ahead and got started.

"I know everyone here is from a wide range of places and dimensions or whatever," she said, "so some of you have probably never even heard of Thanksgiving before coming here and the cultural context is completely lost on you, but I'm pretty sure most of us can related to being roped into something with family, friends, or coworkers that you'd rather not have to deal with, that makes a big deal out of spending time together, putting aside differences for the sake of togetherness, all that sort of holiday celebratory bullshit. Sometimes, it's just something you have to put up with, and everyone puts up with it differently, so today, we're just going to talk about different ways to handle various situations that holidays like this inspire, and just pick up from each other the best, most badass ways of dealing with them and sort of go from there.

"Because, let's face it, you're all pretty badass in your own ways already, so maybe we can all just....learn from each other."

Again, low-effort. Why bother going out of her way to teach something when she could just have the students teach each other, hm?

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Badass Bitch Survival Guide; Tuesday, First Period [11/17].

2020-11-17T10:01:33Z

Posted by: died8yearsago

When the students got to the classroom that morning, they would find, sitting on the desk at the front of the room, a box of very nicely decorated donuts from J,GoB, and that was it.

No note, no sign, definitely no teacher (not even after fifteen minutes).

Just donuts.

That's all.

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Badass Bitch Survival Guide; Tuesday, First Period [11/10].

2020-11-10T11:11:21Z

Posted by: died8yearsago

Due to a variety of reasons, distractions, and more topical lessons taking over, Rosa didn't think she actually got a chance to teach this lesson last year, but, with the holidays around the corner and no doubt plenty of possibily annoying things happening that would force her hand at what lessons to teach, it seemed like a good day to dig up this old gem.

There was a note on the classroom door directing the students down to the gym, with the usual threat of the last one being a punching bag, but, truth be told, Rosa's plans involved everyone being equally punched. In a matter of speaking. She wasn't literally going to punch kids.

...well, maybe if they really deserved it.

Should they be worried about the mats being pulled out and covering the floor again? Probably not. All those baseball bats, though? Time would tell.

( A totally appropriate subject for high school students... )

"Alright, any questions? Let's go, get this over with, so we can all get out of here."

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Badass Bitch Survival Guide; Tuesday, First Period [11/03].

2020-11-03T11:21:35Z

Posted by: died8yearsago

Rosa sat behind the desk at the front of the classroom, feet up, leaning back, filing her nails, until the class had mostly gathered and settled in. She then dropped her feet, leaned forward, and passed a thoughtful glance over the lot of them.

"I'm assuming," she said, althought she totally already knew, "...I'm hoping...one of you actually did manage to secure the hatchet this weekend, even with not only the planned obstacle of the superheroing class," that glance skittered over those students who shared that particular class with this one, "interfering but also that whole 'let's turn everyone into their costumes at the zero hour' thing. So, if anyone that does have the proper hatchet would let herself be known, she can take a moment to gloat about it and be added to the likes of our previous Best Badass Bitches list.

"And then," she offered, lifting up a remote control and waving it a little in the air, "we're going to watch security footage of how you all did, because there was definitely cameras rigged up everywhere up there, and that's today's lesson, there is probably always someone watching. And, if you want, we can have a little chat, too, about strategies, mistakes, ideas, whatever, about the experience.

"So, without further ado, who managed to suck slightly less than the rest of you this year?"

Yes, she already knew. Yes, she was maybe gloating a little internally because the one she was kind of pulling for managed to get it. Not that she'd play favorites or anything...but it did seem to make up for all the obstacle courses...

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Badass Bitch Survival Guide; Tuesday, First Period [10/27].

2020-10-27T09:19:33Z

Posted by: died8yearsago

"Alright, guys," Rosa was leaning on the desk in the front of the classroom, arms folded in front of her, looking over the students as they got settled in. No gym, no equipment. No nothing, just her and them. "This Saturday is Halloween, which generally means a lot of dumb costumes, too much candy, and, if you've noticed, the island doing shit like dancing pumpkin people, pumpkin spice latte in the water supply, and clothing on trees. But, for this class, Halloween also means a heist. This started as a tradition in my old precinct in Brooklyn, and, my first year here, since I couldn't participate there, I decided to bring it to Fandom. This will be our third year doing it," ohgod, why and how was she referring to anything she did here in terms of years now?, "so some of you may already be familiar with it."

Funny. Was she actually looking at certain new students when she said that? No, maybe you were imagining that.

"That's what all these last few lessons have been about: stealth, picking locks, so on and so forth. You'll probably need them all if you have any intention of winning.

"The goal?" Rosa hpushed off the desk, started pacing like a captain giving orders to her troops before sending them out into battle. "A hatchet. I've planted a hatchet somewhere in one of the offices of your teachers. I'm not telling you where; I'm not giving you hints. The other teachers know you'll be riffling through their crap this week and some of them have taken steps to ensure that it's not too easy for you."

And it was almost heartwarming, really, how many of those other teachers not only sacrificed their offices for this whole thing, but that some of them had really gone above and beyond the call of duty. Rosa's tiny heart definitely seemed to grow at least three times every Halloween...but it usually deflated back down by Christmas, so it all still balanced out.

"Of course, once the hatchet is found, that's no guarantee that it might not then be taken from you by one of your fellow students. It doesn't end when the hatchet is found; it starts as soon as I dismiss you from this class, and it ends at midnight on October 31st, with whoever has it in her possession at that time. Fair warning, there is only one true hatchet; you'll know it when you see it, and a few decoys. You'll know those when you find them, too. I also have maps for you guys of the offices; there are some blacked out ones, and those offices are off-limits, and if I catch you've been in one, you're immediately disqualified and probably will go have a nice chat with the Dean. But everything else is fair game. And then all bets are off once the hatchet actually leaves the building.

"And that's all you get." Rosa shrugged her shoulders. "No lesson today, just get started on planning. Ask me questions if you want before you go, but there's no guarantee I'll have an answer for you. You're on your own. Or not, if you decide to team up, but just remember, if you do, there still can only be one winner."

She folded her arms in front of her again and looked at them with a faint note of expectation. "So, any one got questions?"

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Badass Bitch Survival Guide; Tuesday, First Period [10/20].

2020-10-20T09:14:58Z

Posted by: died8yearsago

The main problem with the fall trip was that it usually meant Rosa had one less class lesson to really prep her students for the main October event, but she could still manage to hit some of the highlights before getting down to the real brass tacks next week. Stealth didn't seem to be a problem for most of them, and she had a feeling this one might already be in some of their wheelhouses, too, but oh well.

She came into the classroom carrying a large black duffel back, clearly heavy by the way she tried not to show that she strained as she lifted it, then clunked it down on the desk in front with a lot of clattering. "Today's a pretty important skill," she started, "that I'm willing to bet my next paycheck that a good number of you already know, but it's always good to practice and maybe help out those of you who aren't already little badass delinquents, and also might be helpful for something next week. And that skill's gonna be lockpicking."

At which point Rosa unzipped the bag, turned it over, and sent a cascade of various different locks....door locks, car locks, pad locks, digital locks, puzzle locks...onto the desk and onto the floor. And then she pulled out a few lock picking kits, a sleeve of bobby pins, a few wire hangers, and some pocket knives.

"You never know when you'll accidentally forget your keys or whatever and be locked out of your house, your apartment, your car, you safety deposit box....or when you'll be locked in somewhere and need to get out." Guess which happened more often, go on, guess! "And those are pretty much the only two situations where this very useful skill would ever come in handy. Obviously, nothing else, but if you do get it in your little brains to practice around the island...just remember how bored the cops around here are.

"Now," she said, "there are a few different techniques and methods, and each lock is slightly different, so it's good to try a lot of different ways..." She then launched into some demonstrations, with some different locks, different tools, as easily and matter-of-factly as someone else might be teaching mathematics or biology, and ended with a rousing and surely inspiring moment of, "And when in doubt....just smash it," which involved showing just how well the butt of a pistol can smash a lock if you hit it just right.

"There," she concluded, "now you'll never have to worry about being locked out of your house or apartment or car again, which is the only situation in which this skill will probably ever be used."

That emphasis was the closest thing to a wink Rosa was ever going to get. They were smart kids. They could figure it out.

"Any questions? If not, we'll spend the rest of the hour just trying different locks or tools, or sharing if you've got any other methods that I haven't already covered that doesn't involve, like, magic that is clearly an individual you that thing that can't really be useful to anyone else..."

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Badass Bitch Survival Guide; Tuesday, First Period [10/06].

2020-10-06T10:38:39Z

Posted by: died8yearsago

By now, any of the students for Rosa's class would see a sign up on the door to the classroom and be able to take a pretty good guess as to what it meant. Well, there was a 50/50 chance that class was just straight up canceled, but in this instance, it was the other thing, said very distinctly in just a single word:

Gym.

At least this time it came without the threat of any punching, right? And when they arrived for the period, they'd find the gym all decked out for an obstacle course, with some very specific focuses.

"Stealth," Rosa said. "Because there's a point in every badass bitch's life where they're going to need to sneak into or out of something without being noticed."

Especially when they were taking this class and it was now October, but she'll get to that when they were a little closer to Halloween.

"And unless you're some kind of magical ninja from who even knows where and I don't care anyway, that sort of thing takes time, practice, and patience. So take a few minutes, stretch out, get limber, and then we're going to see just how well you can do getting through the courses without making a sound.

"First step: laser course. Only instead of real lasers, we've got ropes, and each rope has bells on it, so if you hit it, we know, I blow the whistle, and you start over. If you manage to make it through that, then we've got some ~~moddable~~ obstacles made of nice creaky wood, so they're noisy, and if you're too noisy, back to the start. And then there's the window." Yes, she'd rigged up just a freestanding wall with a nice, easily-jammed-when-opened window in it. "Get this thing open and slip out without too much noise. Out of all this crap, this one's probably the most useful. Be careful, though, because there's some bells on the other side. Wouldn't want to set one off and have to start over again. And finally, if you think you're real bad ass, we have this rope climb. A rope. With a bell on it. If you can manage to get to the top without ringing the bell, what are you even doing in this class? There's probably nothing I can teach you. But if anyone wants to try, I'm all for it. Even minimal ringing on that one's good work.

"A few tips: don't be afraid to take your time. Focus on your breathing and the balls of your feet and keeping low to the ground. Don't let something like clothing or hair trip you up: a buckle scraped at the wrong moment could give you up like that. I know there's some of you who can probably do this without much trouble because of powers or abilities or whatever, which is great, get the extra practice in, but this is more for the people who actually don't have those same advantages. And to give you all an idea and prove that I'm not just full of shit, as someone without," presumably, anyway, cough, "any special abilities...I'll show you what I mean."

She shrugged off her jacket, tossed it aside, rolled her neck a little, and approached the first course. One deep breath, a pause, and then she swept through the tangle of cross-crossing ropes in a fluid motion that she hadn't spent all morning practicing to make sure it was perfect or anything, shut up, but, yeah, flawless, and thank god, because that would have sucked to biff it like that right in front of the class.

"Any questions?" she asked. "Take five, warm up, then we'll get started. You," she quirked her chin at literally anyone, there was no way you could tell if she had a particular person in mind, "you'll go first. And keep in mind, this might actually be useful to you later this month. For...reasons."

Anyone who'd spent more than a year here could probably guess, but let's not ruin the surprise for those who hadn't, yeah?

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