Fandom High School

Acting 101 (or lack thereof); Monday, 03/18.

2019-03-18T11:06:56Z

Posted by: not_a_bird

If anyone thought Sweet Dee would be anywhere but back in Philly and Paddy's Pub for St. Patrick's Day, then that person was clearly a dumbass. Because that was exactly where Sweet Dee had been that weekend and no where else would suffice. That in and of itself was fine, there was nothing wrong with that...

...but there might have been a slight hitch with the fact that she was still there come Monday and in absolutely no state to be teaching, anyway. She wasn't even in a state to be awake yet. It had been a great St. Patrick's Day. One for the ages. Her brother hadn't even inadertently started up a string of kidnappings and robberies as a misguided attempt to promote the bar this year!

Fast forward to a little bit shy of one o'clock in the afternoon, where Sweet Dee would be sitting at the bar of Paddy's Pub with a beer before it hit her like a pound of bricks. "Oh, shit, I had class today!"

"Class? What are you talking about, Dee? You don't have class. You're a goddamn degenerate, just like the rest of us. More so, than the rest of us, if we're being honest..."

"No, you numbnuts, like class. An actual class. That I teach?"

She stared incredulously at the confused, bewildered looks coming back at her through the haze of a hangover, and blinked. "You guys, I've been away in Maryland for the past three months because I got a job teaching at a school down there. Have you seriously not even noticed?"

They had not. And, in fact, they made it a point to mention how they thought they would have noticed a lack of bird around there.

Anyway, enjoy your free period, kids.

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Acting 101; Monday, First Period [03/11].

2019-03-11T11:12:34Z

Posted by: not_a_bird

Sweet Dee would have hoped her students would have remembered her saying something like 'no class this week' due to the extra day they put in last week, but she figured it wouldn't hurt to shoot an email to remind them, and, at that point, if any of them actually showed up, then that was completely on them.

Great job last week! Remember, no class today! Enjoy the time off!!!

Of course, since there was no class that morning, Sweet Dee was taking advantage of it by sleeping in, which meant that the email didn't get sent out until well past the class starting time, making the email essentially pointless.

Technology, though, right?

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Acting 101; Monday, First Period 0/03/04].

2019-03-04T14:22:41Z

Posted by: not_a_bird

"Okay, guys," Sweet Dee greeted the class when it was time to start, "good morning. I hope you all remembered your assignment to work on some comedy stuff, because this week, we're going to have you do your first official performances at the Inaugural Open Mic nights over at Caritas this Wednesday. Aren't you guys excited?"

If Sweet Dee had paid probably even an ounce of attention to her students half the time, she'd know that excited was definitely not the word any of them would use.

"And you're probably a little nervous, too, and that's okay. That's definitely natural, even the best of us," yes, that was a hand to her chest as if to indicate herself for some inexplicable reason, "get nervous before a performance, especially if it's your first time. Use that nervousness, transfer it into energy to help you get through it, because once you're up there and it's go-time...it's a totally different experience, you guys, and you'll see what I mean on Wednesday. And, luckily, we have all class period today to really workshop some of your material with each other to get ideas on what works and what doesn't. And that's basically all we're doing today, is just preparing and workshopping, so you guys'll be good and ready to go on Wednesday.

"I will say," she added, "that since I'm pretty much making you guys do an extra day of stuff this week, that we'll go ahead and not have class next week, so you know, that's pretty cool, a nice day off, riiiight?" To recover, obviously, and to help her try and win some cool teacher points at the same time. "But, if you want some extra credit or some extra stage time...and who wouldn't want that?, I encourage you come and and perform next Wednesday, too, okay? But until then, let's just...work on our stuff, bounce off each other, make some suggetions, really get this workshop going. Acting is a highly interactive medium, you guys are all part of a team, a troupe, so let's get going, Who's got something to start us out?"

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Acting 101; Monday, First Period [02/25].

2019-02-25T13:32:04Z

Posted by: not_a_bird

It was actually kind of a miracle that Sweet Dee had actually gotten up and made it to class that morning with an actual lesson. That's how bad Iceland was, you guys. It made her actually look forward to getting back to actually teaching. Then again, she also had a plan for the next few weeks, which was something so rare that when she had to seize it for all it was worth, especially since she could actually pursue that plan without anyone butting in or stealing her idea or dismissing her for being just a dumb stupid bird.

It was really a toss-up on whether or not this lack of curbed enthusiasm was a good thing or not.

( Tragedy tomorrow, Comedy tonight! )

And just like that, Sweet Dee was done teaching for the day and did what millions of parents had done since the fifties and let the television do the teaching for her.

Look. She tried, okay? And, overall, she made it through, like, half an an actual class. Progress!

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Acting 101; Monday, First Period [02/11].

2019-02-11T12:56:54Z

Posted by: not_a_bird

Sweet Dee had actually gotten an idea for this class that she actually thought was a pretty good one, but, with spring break next week, it didn't make a whole lot of sense to get into it just yet. Clearly, it was an End Game kind of project, something to throw at the kids to lead up to the end of the semester which was still, in her mind, going surprisingly well. She hadn't even gotten close to being fired yet, which was a leg-up on the last time around. But, then again, she hadn't been dragging the kids to a bar.

Yet.

That was for after the break. For today...

"Sooooo," Sweet Dee started, "we haven't been spending as much time with acting lately as," they should, "I would like, so today we're going to fix that a little bit and do an exercise that'll hopefully help tap into some real acting chops. Now, a good actor should be able to portray a variety of emotions, even with a single line, alright? For example, a question as simple as 'What are you doing here?' can be delivered in so many different ways to convey a different set of emotions or reactions from your audience. Here, I'll show you."

You know it was going to be really great when Sweet Dee took a second to clear her throat and collect her thoughts. And then she launched into about five minutes of repeating the 'What are you doing here?' line with a variety of different energy and emphasis, not of it particularly good or convincing, almost all of them being on the extreme side of what someone who was just learning what emotions were might present as happy, surprised, sad, angry, morose, etc, etc, etc.

"You see? One line, so many different emotions! And that's what we'll work on today. So, when you're ready, I'll give you a line and we'll cycle through different emotions for you to try and see how to improve or keep doing what you're doing that makes it work. Who wants to go first?"

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Acting 101; Monday, First Period [02/04].

2019-02-04T13:04:14Z

Posted by: not_a_bird

Sweet Dee had barely made it in to teach her acting class that morning. Sweet Dee had actually forgotten she had to teach an acting class that morning, and only remembered when she barely had enough time to get back from Philly after spending the weekend back there to get completely wasted with the gang for the Super Bowl, as was tradition. Somehow (she wasn't sure how, exactly, it was all a bit of a blur), she'd managed to make it in just a few minutes into the class period actually starting. And thank god she taught a bullshit class like acting, where just popping on a movie could be considered "research" and "getting to know your craft," which was basically the set-up she was leaning into as she somewhat groggily explained to the kids that what they were watching was a classic and it had to do with acting and Hollywood, and, not only that, but it was critically acclaimed for its high-quality direction, writing, and performances, so take notes, kids!

And while the movie was playing, Sweet Dee was just going to huddle around a very large cup of coffee, wince frequently as she wondered if the volume was too loud (it wasn't), and wonder if anyone would have any beef if she smoked in here. She would totally crack a window.

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Acting 101; Monday, First Period [01/28].

2019-01-28T13:30:30Z

Posted by: not_a_bird

Most of Sweet Dee's week was a little bit of a blur, which wasn't anything unusual, but that did mean that not only had she almost forgotten that she'd assigned homework for her class, she'd almost entirely forgotten she had a class at all. Look, this thing had lasted nearly twice as long as the last time now, she'd lived a pretty rote and predictable life for years now, shaping America's youth never really bothered to factor into it too much, except on rare occassions where it was entirely a bad idea and America's youth would have been much better off without her.

And this was no exception.

She did wake up that morning with very much of an 'oh shit!' moment that involved some flailing and rushing and then a moment to remember that at least she didn't have to deal with traffic or public transportation (shudder), because this island was tiny and it took her more time to drop a morning duece than it did to get to the school. And it took her even less time than that to throw something together because of the assignment she'd forgotten she'd given, so you know that was going to be great.

And hey! Costumes! Perfect. So, barely, by the time class started, the students would arrive to find Sweet Dee sitting at the front of the room in Colonial dress, pretending to be seweing an cheaply made American flag.

"'Allo, loves!" said Sweet Dee, in an accent that was...sure, British, we'll go with that. "It turns out your lovely teacher couldn't be in today; all you've got is me, Betsy Ross, 'ero of the American Revolution and creator of this here flag," she lifted the completely anacronistic prop for emphasis. "I hear tell you all were supposed to research a historical figure, like me!, and think about how you might perform as them like in some magical moving picture. Now thar's some costumes right over there, loves, if you'd like to really bring up your performances a notch, so 'oo wants to begin? Come on up, and we'll see if we can guess 'oo you are! Though I might have a bit 'o trouble guessin', if you happened to pick anyone after..." Yeah, that was Sweet Dee totally taking a long moment to check her phone, "....1836!"

No, no one could accuse Deandra of being any good at this sort of thing. But no one could accuse her of a lack of dedication, either.

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Acting 101; Monday, First Period [01/21].

2019-01-21T13:12:24Z

Posted by: not_a_bird

Well. Score one more point for avoiding draft beers at any bar, really, because whatever Green Guy was serving on Friday was not good; Sweet Dee didn't know what could make a beer go skunky enough to cause a weekend-long hallucination that she was just four inches tall and therefor sort of stuck in her apartment thinking everything was huuuuuuuge, but, well, that's what happened, wasn't it? So she was definitely sticking to bottles here, too. Or wine. She could probably do more wine. In pint glasses.

But, anyway, whatever it was clearly had worn off by the time Monday morning rolled around (yaaaay), and she almost thought of just canceling class, because, um, hello, shouldn't they have MLK day off, anyway? What was up with that? Way to screw her out of a convenient day off of work, school. Ugh. But at least it gave her an excuse to kind of phone it in and and still not have to do anything but give an introduction and push a button.

"So," said Sweet Dee, with her usual I-have-no-idea-why-I'm-doing-this-but-I'll-try-anyway smile, "since it's Martin Luther King Jr. Day, I thought it might be a good use of our time to not only honor and respect a great man, but to also take the opportunity to see some really powerful acting in a critically acclaimed film about Dr. King's life and his work. Now, I know the subject matter is important and revelevant, but since it's an acting class and not a history class, I'd like you to watch this not only for the very important and very real subject matter, but also, pay attention to the acting. The directing. Think about the choices made by the actors in portraying the real, actual people who existed.

"And keep those thoughts in mind for your homework for next week. I'd like you each to pick an actual historical figure and you're going to bring them in and act them out for us, and we'll talk about how you came up with that particular approach. What kind of research did you do? Did you find it difficult or easy to find that character? That sort of stuff. So think about that a little as you watch the movie, and let's get started, yeah?"

...hey, that was pretty good for an assignment she'd just sort of...made up on the spot in an effort to give a little more validity to just cheaply phoning it in on a movie day, right?

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Acting 101; Monday, First Period [01/14].

2019-01-14T12:02:33Z

Posted by: not_a_bird

Well. Sweet Dee was officially at this teaching gig longer than her last one, unless, she guessed, you were basing it on hours put in instead of time elapsed, but, either way, she did not know what to make of that. The class itself wasn't bad, but this whole town was just weird and boring and she wouldn't go so far as to say she missed the gang, buuut...

...but she was still there, and she was still trying to smile like she wanted to be there, but her ability to do even that was fading fast.

"Hey, you guys," she said. "Good morning. Welcome baack. Now, so far, we've covered scripted with your monologues and improv with the activity from last week, and I was thinking this week, maybe we can get a discussion going and have you guys chime in on what you'd like to work on. Why are you taking this class? What are you hoping to get out of it?"

In other words, please give her ideas. At this point in the game was probably about when she tried proposing a trip to Broadway so those uncultured little snots could actually see live theater, which might not be a bad idea to try with these guys, it would definitely be a lot cheaper with the three of them, so...maybe! But she'd been lazy about potentially putting that together.

Little did she know that this school's field trip policies were way more lenient.

"And," she continued, "I figured we can also tap a little into the idea of character creation today, too. Remember the first week, when I mentioned stage names? Well, sometimes, the person you portray to the public is just as much a character as something you might play for on the stage and screen. People like a celebrity who's interesting, which isn't going to happen if you're just some Joe Schmo from Kokomo, am I right? So I thought, today, after we talk about where you'd like to see this class go, we can take a moment to think of some good stage names," because your names, kids, they're bad. They're all bad, "and maybe a little about who this dramatis personæ," a little preening for the Latin there, yes, "might be.

"Okay, then, who wants to go first?"

[[ocd is....up! Have at it.]]

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Acting 101; Monday, First Period [01/07].

2019-01-07T11:16:32Z

Posted by: not_a_bird

"Hey, you guuuuys!" Sweet Dee greeted her tiny, tiny, tiny little class with a broad smile that was holding back an awful lot of disappointment in the fact that they'd actually shown up for the second week. "Good morning! Welcome back! I hope you're ready to get up here and have a lot of fun today, because what we're working on this week is..." Pause for effect. Dramatic reveal. "Improv!

"Now, improv, in a way, is kind of the opposite of what we did last week with monologues, which was reading from a set scene. With improv, you make everything up as you go along, sometimes with a prompt or a suggestion. It's a really popular method for comedic actors to really test their chops and get out there, too, and you have to think on your feet and really feel the room, your acting partners, the whole vibe. It's really dynamic and an important tool, even in more dramatic acting. Nothing worse than being in a live show and someone flubs their lines, but a good amount of improv training can help you recover the scene so that no one barely even notices. Believe me, I improv all the time, and it goes great."

It went awkwardly and embarrassingly for everyone involved, really.

"In a moment, I'm going to give you guys a few characters and scenarios and a starting line, and I want to see how you think on your feet and work with each other," her fingers did circles in the air as if connecting them, nodding her head with an eager smile to get them on board with this totally harmonious vibe she was building between them, "and improv your way through a scene. But there's one thing that's important to remember, and this is today's lesson for the day, and that thing is: Yes, and...! "Yes, and..." is the most important thing in improv. No matter what the other actor throws at you, you don't want to just say no and totally kill their vibe. You want to 'Yes, and...' "I'm going to the grocery story, do you need anything?' 'Yes, and!...could you pick up more eggs this time?' 'Yes, and I think they're on sale today!' See? Yes, and! keeps the conversation going, keeps it moving, brings more energy to the scene. I want to see all three of you Yes, and!ing all over this stage. Okay?

"Okay! If there aren't any questions, let's just get right to it. I've got three scenarios in mind, and, if we have enough time at the end of class, I want you guys to offer out a few for your fellow actors to pursue as well, really challenge each other, okay? You guys ready?"

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Acting 101; Monday, First Period [12/31].

2018-12-31T05:58:19Z

Posted by: not_a_bird

Ugghhh. What kind of school put a new teacher on for the first class on a Monday morning? On New Years Eve? Whoever did the schedules for this weird, dumb school was a total dick-weed.

...as if teaching one class a week was just going to be sooooo incredibly taxing on her.

And at least she wasn’t one of the losers stuck with classes tomorrow morning.

( Sweet Dee Teaches a Monologue Class. )

“And maybe,” she said with a tempting voice, figuring this next move would at least earn her a few Cool Teacher points, “if we get through them quickly,” since there were only three of you, “I’ll even let you out early today! Yeah?” She laughed at her own brilliance. “How you like them apples?”

“You’ve got five minutes to prep, and then let’s get this show on the road.”

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How to Be a Really Famous Actor (And Other Acting Tips), Friday, Period 1

2011-04-22T00:22:00Z

Posted by: nosefullofsnot.livejournal.com

As previously announced, Lucas's final was taking place in the school auditorium. To any students who had yet to realize just how into himself Lucas really was, it would probably be a surprise that there was a big projection screen on the stage with Lucas standing in front of it.

"Hey. So, last class. Big deal. I'm sure you've all worked really hard on your final scenes, but I have to admit something. I don't want to grade you on crap like that. I mean, it's going to be at least as painful for me having to sit through it as it would be for you to fail that badly. So what we're going to do instead of having you try to act without a safety net is watch a master at work." Lucas hopped off the stage and started walking toward a seat in the front row.

"The movie is The Game is Over 2. If you haven't seen The Game is Over 1, that's your own fault. You've had a full semester with me. You should have seen all of my movies by now. But you should be able to pick up pretty quickly. It's a movie about a good cop - me - who's finished fooling around... again. And this time, my character, Detective Frank Cooper, is out to bust some drug dealers in New York City, a move that takes him and his partner, played by the great Paul Rapovski, all the way to Hong Kong after the drug dealers kidnap his wife."

"Sit back, relax, and enjoy me," Lucas said before the lights dimmed and the movie started rolling.

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How to Be a Really Famous Actor (And Other Acting Tips), Friday, Period 1

2011-04-15T07:31:00Z

Posted by: nosefullofsnot.livejournal.com

When the class was settled, they might notice a bunch of script books on Lucas's desk. Or at the very least, they'd notice it was a whole bunch of books. Was he going to throw the books? Who knew? Lucas himself probably hadn't decided yet.

"Well, you've gotten this far without making me kick you out of the class or throw you out the window or anything. That counts for something. And maybe you've spent this whole class hoping for some technical instruction in acting from a guy best known for action films. And if that's the case, I'm just going to laugh at you. You don't really need that kind of technical training if you're hot and charismatic enough. And even if you are both of those things, there's a chance you've just been gifted with the ability to remember lines quickly. That's me."

"But still, we're going to do a class on how to remember your lines. Here's something I printed off the internet about it. Read up, then go through the books on my desk and find a scene to act out because that's going to be your final. Find a monologue, do a group thing, hell, find a scene and play every part in it yourself. Memorize it however you need to because next week you'll be on stage in the auditorium performing it."

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How to Be a Really Famous Actor (And Other Acting Tips), Friday, Period 1

2011-04-08T00:20:00Z

Posted by: nosefullofsnot.livejournal.com

When the class had gathered, they could find Lucas leaning on his desk staring at his phone. He was speaking aloud as he typed, "this guy has wings. crazy right? lol."

After sending the image with that caption, he finally looked up. "Hey. 'Sup. I'd apologize for missing class last week, but I knew you'd be in good hands with my TA. You aren't all evil now, are you?" Lucas looked around for a moment. "Wait, that's still only funny to me. Oh well."

"Anyway, if you've learned anything so far this semester, it's that the main thing you're trying to achieve is an award. If you're a young up and comer like me, prizes at Sundance and the Toronto Film Festival for Let's Hope There's a Heaven are enough. Inside of two to three years, though, I'll need a Golden Globe or some members of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association are getting a visit. With my career trajectory, I'd be happy with a Lead Actor Oscar by the time I'm 34, or a Supporting Actor before then, you know, if I want to slum it for some praise. I have my speeches all written already." And yes, they all involved him skateboarding to the stage, doing some tricks, and then swooping either the girl with the statue or the female presenter off the stage, depending on which was more attractive.

"But for your standard win, you probably want to thank God, your spouse, any kids you might acknowledge in the press, your mom but not necessarily your dad, coworkers, blah blah blah. Maybe cry. People love that crap. But don't be afraid to go off the standard script. It makes you more memorable if you ignore all those people and just make the moment be all about you. They'll love you. They'll really love you." Yes, he was implying that Sally Field was evil, just like him.

"So if you couldn't figure it out by now, you're an idiot and should start thinking about a GED because you're not getting a diploma. Get up here and give an acceptance speech. Oh!" Lucas said, snapping his fingers twice. "But before that, tell us who you're wearing. Give us some red carpet action. Then do your speech."

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How to Be a Really Famous Actor (and other tips) - Friday, period 1

2011-04-01T15:44:00Z

Posted by: dabblinginbitch.livejournal.com

"Hey, guys," Ramona said, lazily waving a sheet of paper as people wandered in. "So, apparently Lu -- um, Mr. Lee had more important places to be, or whatever, 'cause he asked me to fill in. What we're supposed to do is talk about how to deal with the press as an actor. And okay, I guess that's important, because where would we all be without knowing where Lindsay Lohan most recently had a mug shot taken, or what Britney's favorite brand of mac and cheese is. But since I know next to nothing about reporting or dealing with reporters, I'm going to have to resort to stereotypes."

She glanced around, shrugging, and said, "So what I want you guys to do, I guess, is learn to deal with nosy reporters by pairing up and asking each other embarrassing questions. And you have to answer, because there's no off-the-record stuff. But you don't have to give the truthful answer. Just an interesting one. Because after all, all press is good press, right? And the more interesting the story...well, just look at how many people are paying attention to Charlie Sheen."

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How to Be a Really Famous Actor (And Other Acting Tips), Friday, Period 1

2011-03-25T00:55:00Z

Posted by: nosefullofsnot.livejournal.com

"Hey, I've got a portal to catch out of town right after class, so let's make this snappy," Lucas said. Class was in the Danger Shop today, as dictated by a sign on the door of the normal classroom. He was evil, after all. He wasn't going to send out an e-mail. He wasn't some kind of Matthew Patel first level boss. "Costumes. Play dress up. Talk to each other in accents that fit your costume. Do whatever you want, I'm on vacation in an hour."

[OOC: Sorry for lame class. The night got away from me, and Friday night mostly goes toward prep for trips.]

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How to Be a Really Famous Actor (And Other Acting Tips), Friday, Period 1

2011-03-17T23:35:00Z

Posted by: nosefullofsnot.livejournal.com

When everyone was in the darkened classroom today, Lucas hit the play button on a remote control.

On a TV screen was Lucas, laying down and looking sad as an attractive young woman held his hands. "It's time, Isabella. I've held on for as long as I can but... *cough* I just don't have the strength anymore."

"Oh, Jayden," the attractive blonde said. "These last few weeks.... I never felt I could love again after the cancer set in. But you showed me... I don't have to be afraid to love anymore."

"Every moment you have left here on Earth should be filled with love," 'Jayden' said. "It's what I did. And trust me, Isabella.... *cough* it's been pretty great."

"I know," 'Isabella' said before starting to cry. "I was there with you."

"*cough* One last time, Isabella... kiss me... I'm dying..."

Isabella leaned down to give Jayden one final kiss before he gently succumbed to whatever fatal illness it was that he was suffering from. Probably cancer. When Isabella lifted her head, tears streaming down her face, she said, "I'll love you until the day I die. And when I do, let's hope there's a Heaven so we can be together again."

Lucas hit the stop button and turned the lights back on. "It's okay to cry. I know, it's very emotional," Lucas said, wiping away a single manly tear from his manly face. "So that's what you're doing today; dying. And take it from a guy who actually died recently, you don't get to go out with an emotional scene in real life, so make this one count."

"I went ahead and put a bunch of causes of death in a hat and pulled them out for each of you. Figure out how you want to play out your death from that cause, then come up here and start pretending to die already and give your final little speech. And don't worry, nobody expects you do be as good as I was in Let's Hope There's a Heaven. You're not professionals."

And then he handed out the slips of paper telling everyone what they were dying of.

( I had help coming up with the the deaths. The RNG assigned deaths to the people. I'm technically blameless. )

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How to Be a Really Famous Actor (And Other Acting Tips), Friday, Period 1

2011-03-10T21:34:00Z

Posted by: nosefullofsnot.livejournal.com

"I like irony," Lucas said to start the class. "So I'm going to keep this short. Dramatic monologues are a great way of conning academies into giving you awards. Really nail a good monologue and nobody will remember anything you messed up in a role."

"So what you're going to do this week is just get up and talk about whatever teenage drama you're going through right now. You can make crap up if you don't want to give your classmates any ammo, but it better be good. And it better be dramatic. Bonus points for crying."

"Oh, and try not to step on the pot on the floor when you come up," Lucas said, pointing out the broken potted plant on the ground. He couldn't remember how it got there. He didn't even remember having a plant in the room in the first place. Odd.

[OOC: The pot is all old_and_busted's fault.]

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How to Be a Really Famous Actor (And Other Acting Tips), Friday, Period 1

2011-03-04T07:58:00Z

Posted by: nosefullofsnot.livejournal.com

"Now that we're back in class, it's time to move on to our next session," Lucas said, kicking off the class. "Yeah yeah, no more action stuff, and probably no stuntmen being thrown around for a while, either."

"So now we're focusing on drama. Or, let's be honest, award bait. Because really, that's why people make dramas. There are other minor reasons, I guess. They're not funny or they look funny holding a gun. But if they're like me - and most actors are - they broke into drama for the awards and award shows. Nobody gave me an invite to Sundance until I made Let's Hope There's a Heaven and that baby scored some prizes. And all I did was kiss some chick and die for a couple hours! And that's the reason why LHTH did so well," Lucas said, and yes, he did say 'LHTH.' "It's because I hit the three biggest parts of drama. I cried, I gave a big monologue, and I died. We're going to start with that first one today."

"Crying in movies is shorthand for 'Hey. I can act.' If you can pull off a crying scene, people are going to give you a lot of credit. You don't even have to be great! You can just be pretty good and people will give you extra credit. But if you're terrible at it, everyone's going to laugh at you. And then you'll learn how to cry more realistically."

"Step one is to figure out how to force yourself to cry. Try to think of something sad, like a breakup or a parent dying or, I don't know, someone kicking your puppy. The more personal it is, the more realistic it is. If that doesn't work, try violence. Stub your toe or pinch yourself or have somebody punch you really hard. Or just be like me and be a really good actor."

"Okay, that's enough talking for me. I want everyone to cry today. I don't care how you do it, just cry. And then write up a quick explanation for how you made yourself cry and turn it in."

Because he hadn't done anything evil yet this class period, but demanding potential emotional blackmail made up for that.

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How to Be a Really Famous Actor (And Other Acting Tips), Friday, Period 1

2011-02-18T00:43:00Z

Posted by: nosefullofsnot.livejournal.com

"Now you listen close and you listen hard, bucko," Lucas said, holding up the receiver of an old-school phone. "The next click you hear is me hanging up. The one after that... is me pulling the trigger!" And with that, Lucas hung up.

"That's kind of my 'Feeling lucky punk' quote from one of my biggest hits, 'You Just Don't Exist,'" Lucas said. "When people dress like Cole Hazard at conventions, that's the line they quote. That's the power of a catchphrase. You think Schwartzenegger gets to be a politician today if he couldn't mumble at least one good catchphrase per movie? If you do, you're an idiot and the rest of the class should kick your ass and steal your lunch money."

Lucas waited to see if anyone would raise their hand and volunteer for an ass kicking.

"It's Friday. We're in Hawaii on Sunday. You don't want to do any work now, I get that," Lucas said. "Unfortunately for you guys, 'evil' is in my job description. So you're going to get a bunch of situations and you need to come up with catchphrases for them. Your character is a badass. They're about to do something badass. Figure out what you're going to say and then make it sound badass."

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How to Be a Really Famous Actor (And Other Acting Tips), Friday, Period 1

2011-02-11T03:29:00Z

Posted by: nosefullofsnot.livejournal.com

"Today was going to be an interactive class on stunts where you'd be jumping off platforms onto crash pads, doing backflips, and other things like that," Lucas said. "But you all have a dance tonight, so none of you want to do anything to hurt yourselves because you think high school romance isn't just going to leave you evil and depressed. Fair enough, no probs there. It's your mistake, I'm not going to take away from it."

"So instead, we're going to watch an instant classic. It's not only an intense medical drama where a young doctor must save the men who kidnapped girlfriend thanks to his Hippocratic oath, but he then has to hunt that guy down and fight him to the death. It's called 'Action Doctor' and yes, there are plenty of explosions and scenes where people jump away from explosions in slow motion. And yes, it stars me."

"So go ahead, watch me be awesome on screen, and as you're watching, pick a stunt you really like and write a paragraph essay about what made it so great."

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How to Be a Really Famous Actor (And Other Acting Tips), Friday, Period 1

2011-02-03T23:45:00Z

Posted by: nosefullofsnot.livejournal.com

Lucas was leaning against his desk at the start of class today. Next to him was one of his stuntmen. The stuntman was dressed in black with white greasepaint on his face (but not on the chinstrap beard because that wouldn't be cool).

"Today we're going to talk about mimes," Lucas said. "Miming is a centuries old art of expressing emotion, action, and objects by not talking and poking at the air. Go ahead, Rusty."

Rusty the chinstrapped stunt mime started miming a box closing in on him. And just when the box was getting really believable, Lucas turned around and punched Rusty in the face, knocking him over the desk, knocking Lucas's chair over, too.

( ACTION! )

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How to Be a Really Famous Actor (And Other Acting Tips), Friday, Period 1

2011-01-28T00:17:00Z

Posted by: nosefullofsnot.livejournal.com

"You know what the cheapest way to get a laugh is besides farting?" Lucas asked the assembled room. "Be ugly. If you're ugly, any funny thing you say becomes twice as funny. And if you completely bomb, people will still laugh. But they're laughing at you, not with you. And you deserve it."

"'But Mister Lee,' you say, 'I'm really attractive! How can I ugly myself up for laughs?'" Lucas said, lowering his pitch just a little for an impression of all teenagers. "First off, get over yourself. You're not that good looking. If you were, you'd already have a TV show at least. Second, wear prosthetics. Whether it's fake buck teeth, a weird mole thing, or just a fat suit, wearing some kind of weird latex thing will make you even funnier!"

"There's only one trick to it. It only works for five minutes, ten minutes, max. When people try to play eight roles in a movie with different makeup tricks, it'll get a few laughs out of you and then nothing else ever. So don't even try it. Leave that kind of thing to the hacks."

"And in case you don't believe me, I had someone take a few Eddie Murphy movies and take away all the parts where he isn't wearing some kind of stupid fat suit or prosthetic or something. And you're going to watch that while I look over some scripts. At the end of the hour, we'll see if you think any of that is funny again."

Well, it wasn't anything being thrown, but it was definitely evil.

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How to Be a Really Famous Actor (And Other Acting Tips), Friday, Period 1

2011-01-20T22:39:00Z

Posted by: nosefullofsnot.livejournal.com

"Hey, 'sup guys?" Lucas said to start the class. He was sitting casually on his desk. You know. To appear casual. Standing next to the desk was a guy who looked a lot like Lucas, down to the leather jacket, black shirt, chinstrap beard, and raised eyebrows. He was less attractive and had a scar on his cheek and was a couple inches shorter than Lucas, though. "This is Doug. He's part of my stunt team, so we've known each other for a while. You might even say we have a rapport."

"We have a rapport," Doug said.

"Ha. That's funny, Doug," Lucas said, holding a fist out for some respect knuckles. After Doug gave him a fistbump, Lucas continued. "Nice wordplay. And that's what we're talking about today. If I didn't have to teach you guys stuff, I would have said something back to him like, I don't know, 'I didn't even know there were French rappers.'"

Doug paused, thinking hard about what Lucas just said. "I don't get it," Doug said.

Lucas hopped off the desk, grabbed Doug by the jacket, dragged him to the window, opened it, and defenestrated Doug. Then he closed the window, turned back to the class, and said, "He'll be fine. He's a professional stuntman. He knows his shit."

"So, rapport. You build it up by either being really familiar with somebody else, or just having some instant chemistry, or you're just good at fake liking someone while talking to them. The key to really good banter is to talk really fast. That way even if what you're saying isn't funny, at least it's two people saying things at each other fast enough that something's going to end up being kind of funny. If you're into that kind of thing. Not my cup of java, personally, but that's why I'm an action star."

"So! What you're doing today is pairing up with someone that you think you can banter with. Don't worry about being funny or anything right now. That'll mess you up. Just talk at each other without thinking about what you're going to say. Whatever you do, don't let a pause crop up in the conversation. Because if that happens, you fail at banter. And if you can't even manage to pull off a fast-paced conversation, you're pretty much failing at life."

"Just like Doug," Lucas said, peeking back out the window. "Horrible at living. Great at falling out of windows. Heh. He'll appreciate that. I'm gonna text that to him while you guys start talking."

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How to Be a Really Famous Actor (And Other Acting Tips), Friday, Period 1

2011-01-14T00:27:00Z

Posted by: nosefullofsnot.livejournal.com

"Hey, you made it back. 'Grats on not being losers," Lucas said as the class began. "I'm breaking up the semester so you'll get some time learning about all three movie genres that are worth anything at the box office. And we're starting with the easiest genre, comedy. Really, anyone can make someone laugh. All you really have to do is fart at the right time. Well, that's all you have to do. Farting's beneath me. You'll never catch me farting for a laugh. A-listers don't have to unless they really need a paycheck, or they're pretenders to the crown."

"But hey, you want to fart, go ahead and fart. I'll just grab a gas mask," Lucas said. "Anyway, the key to comedy - besides farting - is that you don't have to be funny. Unless you're really good at improv - and based on last week, none of you are... except for maybe the frog kid. That bear thing cracked me up - you're going to be completely dependent on what people who are SO MUCH funnier than you write. Don't admit thatin the press. The writers know the deal. All the credit goes to you. You can even say that you improved your lines, nobody will say anything else because they're beneath you. But hey, if they figure out how to become directors, then they'll get some credit. Until then, be sure to sell those bastards out like your career depends on it, because it probably does."

"And that's all comedy acting is. It's lying about how funny you are. And if you're good enough at that while you're reading those things actual funny people wrote for you to say, then somebody might believe you and give you more work, or maybe a Golden Globe," Lucas said. "And remember, you get to drink at that show."

"So, here's what we're doing today," Lucas said, reaching under his desk to pull out a bunch of joke books and tossing them indiscriminately toward his students.

Because if they got hit in the face, it would be funny.

"Grab a book, grab a partner, make them laugh. If they don't laugh, you're doing something wrong because a lot of those jokes are great. Go ahead and fart if you're getting desperate," Lucas encouraged. "We'll know that you suck, but at least you'll make it another day in the business. I'll be around to give some tips on delivery if you're dying out there." Or, more likely, he would heckle.

[OOC: Really, he's more throwing them to the students, only a little high. But obviously, feel free to catch or dodge or bat away any joke books. They're small, 100 page softcover things, so they're not going to hurt that bad, even if they do hit....]

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